do you think he spoke, on the fifth day
before his mistake?
'what beauty, what boundless unerring awe
what great stroke of mighty ingenuity befalls me -‘
his tongue silenced by the sixth

and on the sixth day; man
so let it be written, so let it be done
crudely misspelt, an ink-blotted mess, peeking out from a strikethrough

was the seventh day spent in sleep
or in grief?
in all 6 stages of it, simultaneously?
how could he rest
knowing what his hands had done?

&
if we are made in his image
what ghastly beast sits in his mirror?
what horror portrays him
what stares back from the dark water of a lake?

i wonder if i would incite debate, outrage,
if i was put in front of a judge
i wonder if the extremists would vouch for me
‘fair trial for the monster’
take pity on this ******* waste of air
this weight upon the world
that displaces water in bath tubs
and consumes food from the mouths of the deserving
i wonder if there has ever been such a disgrace
such an utter misuse of oxygen
i wonder if i take up room where someone else could have stood.

this year is my year
i cut my teeth on the years before
i scraged my knees in '15
bled from my bitten tongue in ‘16
'17 saw me merciful and forgiving
and then loveless on the bathroom floor
sitting in bathtubs
my existence held
in the displacement of water in porcelain

this year is my year  
try and take it from my bloodied knuckles
take it from my hanging jaw
the years before chipped away at me
with chisel and work roughened hands
the years before cut me out of marble
carved my mouth closed
swathed me in veils, made my stone flesh
look soft

this year is my year
your chisels will blunt on my skin
and when you turn your back
to find something sharper
i'll slip down the stone steps
leave my veils on your studio chair
and melt out into the night

this year is my year
there’s no material thing keeping me
nothing mortal holds me here
this year i am free to drift
between the realms and rifts of space
i will be interstellar
hung in the place between stars

this year is my year
******* try to take it from me
i wonder if the years before
made you into diamonds too
the only thing that can cut me now
is me.

keep the salt between your teeth
under your tongue
don’t wash yourself of blood
let it dry and crack on your skin
sit bare in the red baked earth when the rains come

keep the chipping paint on your nails
when you want to lick your wounds, refrain
stare people down when they notice
dare them to say something
eat divine fruit with your unclean mouth

spit blood
make lovers kiss the scars on your knuckles
as if they were the rings of kings
don’t brush the gravel from your knees
let strangers see the bloodied mess
through the tears in your jeans

keep ink blotted receipts in your back pocket
loose change, bus tickets, old packs of gum
keep your ******* chin up
your mother used to say
‘you know a mans work by his hands’
leave dried blood under your nails so people will know
exactly the kind of work you do

pick fights with figures in alleyways
if it’s too dark to see aim for the glint of their teeth
in the streetlights phosphorescent glow
know their hands cannot hurt you the way she did
grin when they try their damnedest anyway

scratch your cheeks until you don’t need rouge
blacken your other eye just so you match
watch the water turn pink when you spit into the sink
apply ice where it’s needed
chew blue-raspberry liquorice till your lips change colour

cut off the third finger from your thumb on your left hand
dare someone to speak of matrimony now
sit up on the altar and eat pomegranate seeds
think of persephone kissing hades with her red mouth
leave the empty carcass of the fruit in the pews
step out into the night

skip stones across rivers
dig your fingers into the wet dirt
press yourself face first into the fresh snow
the only thing that can cleanse you now is the earth
so wash your hands off in the stream
grip rocks and lean out over the precipice
stand in the tide of the sea
you’ll never be pretty
but at least now you’ll be clean.

i am overwriting you
i buy your favourite perfume
just to mix it with ammonium
make myself sick at the thought of it
i wear the lingerie you left
until my bigger ******* break the seams
of your c cups
i read the pages of your favourite book
just to tear them out afterward
i make coffee just to pour it down the drain
i wear pink until it’s just another colour in the spectrum
i wear the dress you loved on me and other people love it on me too
i take friends to the places we went, just so they aren’t yours anymore
nothing i have belongs to you now

i do the things you wish you could
i kiss other women
i ****** an older man, just to tick it off my list
i sit in lace i bought with the money i would have spent on you
touch the juice of citrus to my wrists and sip sweet tea
i spend weeks on the other side of the world
sit in the sun until my rings leave white lines on bronze skin
buy myself a moonstone to replace the necklace you got me
bathe myself in rose water, rub my skin with cocoa butter
aloe vera, tea tree, sea salt
scrub until you've not touched a single cell of me
brush my hair like i used to brush yours
softly, softly, slowly
cut it all off just to grow it out again


do not misunderstand me
i do not regret loving you
no force on this earth could do that
it’s just -
your mistake was so sudden.
the love had to go somewhere else
so i poured it inside myself instead
there is so much of it, you see
an abundance, honey golden and sweet
a lifetime full, my body made enough for you forever
so i cut ravines, redirected the source into the sea
all this love you could have had, i’ve given it to me.

this me perches on countertops
naked under her black slip
breathing in the heavy midnight dark
eating lemon slices off the counter

this me says no, and no, and no
this me refuses to give you kindness
refuses to give you anything
unless you earn it from me first
beg me for it
beg me on your hands and knees
offer me ritual sacrifice for my love
i will give nothing for nothing

this me tilts her head to the right
stares you down with two dark eyes
i dare you to try and take something from me now
everything i have is rooted into the foundations
nothing material binds me
all i have is my ******* soul and my bones

this me is finally unstoppable
after being told that what i needed
was to be softer so that others
would not hurt their feet stepping over my spine
i will grow blades out of my back
anyone who steps on me now shall bleed

this me is wrought in vividness
i will not be quietened by you
i will not dim my light so not as to blind you
if you cannot look directly at me, look away
if you cannot stand the sight of blood
shield your eyes from
the bloodied footprints i leave in my wake
if you cannot stand how sour lemons taste
dare not kiss me
my lips bite as much as my teeth.

sleep is my mistress
i do everything she says
when the earthly plain beckons me
she calls me back to bed

sleep is my master
he demands such things of me
he holds me down with his hand
even though i beg and plead

sleep is my creator
they could destroy me or
remake me

sleep is my lover
they could hold me gently or
just break me

sleep is the subtle place betwixt
willingly going and being bewitched
when either way i'm going
it doesn't seem to matter which
just as long as i'm going
i'm going, i'm going.