Do not be afraid of me.
Do not think that just because I have skin made of diamonds that
I cannot easily break.
You see, I am surrounded by them,
They protect me from the outside,
But my diamond armor cannot block out everything.
Diamonds do not protect my heart;
I can still break, shatter, and be demolished at the slightest of hands.
“Beautiful” they say;
They watch me walking down the street,
but can they not see the scarlet red filling up beneath it?
Can they not see my mascara stained cheeks, and trembling hands?
Or are they mesmerized still by my glittering appearance?
Dazzled that I am so sparkling and vibrant in the sun;
Completely unaware of my cry for help underneath the glistening gem shield.
Do they not know that once I turn off the sun, I will look like a piece of ***** ice?
That once I take off this mask I am just a simple broken girl?

While I have been amazed to see everyone’s lack of attention at how worn I am; I have failed to see how broken everyone around me is.
Once I finally took a step back to examine those around me,
I noticed they were also sounded by their own magnificent gems; going
Through things just like I am.
I found a twenty-nine year old women thinking about
What it was going to be like once her mother left her; she holds back her tears for
The people around her, but once she gets alone she cries herself to sleep.
She is surrounded by agate.
There is a fourteen year old teenager
Scared to death of what she might be.
Terrified of herself.
She carves into her skin like paint on a canvas;
All I can think to say to her is
“Let me save you please!”
But she can’t hear me,
I can’t get the words out.
She is surrounded by eudialyte.
All of these people around me
Going through things I could never handle going through myself;
These things happen to the people closest to me every day
But I am too blinded with myself to see it.
When did I become so self-centered?
When did I,
Start caring for myself when I should have been the one to save all these people around me, and their crumbling gemstones?
One day I will write a book about how sorry I am to each of these people;
But even then it will not make everything alright.
So here is my message;
Please whatever you do… don’t stop fighting… never stop.
Fight for all of the people who cannot fight for themselves.
You could save a life some day with that smile.
You never know when you will save someone’s life.
So don’t stop.
Help me save everyone that I have failed, please.

Drifting apart from each other**

We change ourselves to someone we want to be,
but not want to have

There is a growing black hole swallowing your heart,
while you go and ease yourself with drugs

We don't share the same interests anymore,
and they seem to get us pushed away

Away from where we had no problem accepting them.

When love has reached a point when it is no longer alive,
we should move on.

You don't need her you've been fine
By yourself
Glad she's happy in the arms
Of someone else
There's nothing you wouldn't say
To break your fall
Nothing you wouldn't do to take the pain
**** it all

You've got no feelings, nothing here
Can bring you down
Tired of playing all the games
All the run around
You'll move on as you've
Seen this all before
You get strong and laugh as fate
Closes all the doors

You're to blame you're just
Not enough
You're the reason why you'll
Never find love
All your hate it
Belongs inside
Because all you are is the problem
That you can't hide

You run away as if
That will help
But you know your soul is
Condemned to hell
Someday soon you have to
Face the facts
Someday soon you'll realize
There's no going back

It's such a shame,
I'm to blame.

I didn’t see it
but she saw it
it caused our end
it broke my heart
I couldn't see it coming
yet, she pointed it out
I refused to acknowledge it
she choose not to emphasize it
it was inevitable
it came
it happened

I can’t define what it was
it tore up my heart
and it did not do me well
I could not escape it

I cried about it
I moped about it
I dreamt about it
I talked about it
with her and without
even after it was all over
and with how much it
changed me, effected me
I still can’t define it
**** it.

I'm a little bit broken...
but still I live
with all the shards of my broken heart
I have learned to love

I've never seen the light of love
never tasted lips
that thought of me as human being

And when I remember last December
when Santa' s beard fell off
and he simply became my Dad
I think of you and how your eyes turned cold

When the Easter eggs lost their spark
and the hunt turned into tradition
I think of when your love was nothing more
than a piece of freezing gold

Like all my childhood beliefs,
you proved me wrong
and I was left between the shattered pieces
of rainbow glass
because you even tore down my
Saint Petersburg chapel...
and I am broken
and I am
broken