She laid awake at 3 am on her bed, where the demons and monsters come out to play. “Look at the mess you've made, you’re a terrible person” they said and with the deafening of silence in reply, she hears only her heart throb like it was at war, she feels a sudden gush of blood. She feels a twinge in between her knees and an extra weight upon her shoulders, she feels as though an invisible “please handle with care, fragile” sign was hung upon her forehead, “Please go away, please make it stop” she cried, only to feel more. Then she remembered fondly, the first time she felt alone running through her veins all over again.
and that was the last time she will ever feel alone because now she has gone back to sleep, and by doing everyone a favor, she’s not waking up.

you'll think of me later
when you got to turn on Netflix
and type in 'Sherlock'.
you'll laugh at Benedict's badass
attitude in the show, and
i'll be lurking in the back
of your mind.

rach rach rach rach rach

you'll be thanking me for
showing you this great
show and you'll be
smiling because of
all of the good times
we've had.

but, then your fiancé will come by
and kiss you on the lips,
you'll hold her close and
you'll probably put your hand
on her waist to keep her steady.
you'll take the time to pause the
show and i'll be gone from your
mind because now the only thing
on your mind is her.

lyse lyse lyse lyse lyse

that's all you'll be thinking of.
not me, not the show,
but making love with her.
and to be brutally honest here,
it hurts. but then again,
i never really was an option,
now was I?

I'm just a daughter to you,
while you are my hero,
my savior,
my glorious passion.
you are the fire burning inside of me,
the sweet smell of lust after love
leaves.
you were and are and forever
will be my
love.

how can i miss something
or someone that i've
never had?

i'm pretty ****
good at it,
if you ask
me.

as she wishes him
the best because
after all,
thats what he deserves.

his sweet blue eyes and
boyish smile make her
euphoric.

his laugh is deep just
like her roots are for
him.

he seeped into her
soul and he can't
fight his way
out.

and why should he?
its a nice place to be.
after all,
thats what he deserves

he deserves to be on
her mind all day and
in her heart all night
and in her soul
forever.

it makes me sick,
love.

the nature of it,
how people die
because of the
thought of not
being with their
significant other.

i think if i died
all alone,
i'd be okay with it.
after all,
i'm already alone.
always have,
always will.

and i don't mind it
either.

i don't need someone to
keep me warm anymore
or to help me.
i can help my ******* self
and that's all that matters.
i am my own savior,
i am my own redeemer,
i am my own person.
i am me.
and me is all i ever shall and
will be, so,

                   please

decide on whether you are
staying or leaving
because im tired
of being the
last to find
out.

waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting
for you to come through my front door
locking your dark grey sonata
to meet me in the kitchen
and greet me with your sweet lips
in the crook of my neck.

waiting for you to say
"Oh sweetheart, it smells delicious!"
and for you to ask how my day was.
Then sweet little 3 year old Michael Junior
will come running out yelling
"Daddy! Daddy! Look at me!"
with his cape on.

you'll greet him by picking him up
in the air and watching him as he flies.
he looks at you like you're his
hero, just as i do to you.

we all sit down, eat our food and
afterwards, i give little michael a bath and
we tuck him in bed. you'll read him a
bedtime story and we'll kiss him
goodnight and we'll leave a
night light on because hes
afraid of the dark.

we'll go in our room and get ready for
bed as well. we'll get in bed, talk about our day,
snuggle for what seems like hours,
and then finally, we'll end up hand in hand,
and so close to each other that nothing else
in the entire world matters.

we'll fall asleep to each other
rhymatic breathes and we'll wake up
to another beautiful day in our
beautiful lives.

waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting*

im waiting for something that can
never ever happen and i really
shouldn't be.

if only the stars aligned in my
favor for this, please oh please,
dear universe, won't you just allow
the teenager and teacher to
happen for once?

my dreams came true
, not for me,
but for you.

I miss the dark forest of your hair
I miss looking at the stars twinkling beneath your waves like that autumn night, where the both of us laid on the soft sand of beach like your hands.
I miss the freckles on your face like constellations
I miss looking at the moon hidden between the pupils of your ocean blue eyes, just like that autumn night, where the both of us cuddled up under a star spilled sky and you kissed me all night. You looked right into my mess pieces of soul, and i looked into yours, and we both just knew.