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 Feb 2013 Fred Kinard
J Patrick H
What is that reality that appears to me in dreams,
chock-full of misgivings and doubt. I counteract my fear of life
with my fears of slumber,
dust in my eyes and stiff as lumber.

In truth - I'm not stiffened
by fear,
by nausea,
post-pubescent sacrilege,
or all of the above.
I'm not up-kept,
grizzly with ennui;
I'm dizzy, confiding my loss.

I feel the lips that kiss
but can't be drawn: from mind,
stencil
paper
pen,
on sheets of thick
pale and
cellulose,
for the heart to mend.

My unsteady hand
is my fearful friend

A soft embrace
from a warm mind

Somber
and so full of Life
clung to by the scent of Death

Endowed
with an eternal promise and regret
from veins of plants
or the glow of stars.
Cold, mechanical debt.

(my heart, so full of...)

(my mind, so hot with...)

(my body, trembling in...)

I am gulf-like
a stream full of trees and glass
echoing a promise of shattering wind.

Will I be published
after my death,
asleep predating, a life conceived.
Will I live to see myself alone,
and to discover
that which I'm not?
Or will I stutter
and wallow a curse,
Up towards the sky,
Until the final verse.
On a boast
or chasing the Rail,
pale as dirt, and shallow still.

Will my true love abandon,  break, strain,
Burn away the wax,
or hurry to blame?

Omit my evils from the star-charts,
then just to vacate the void.
From the half-broken corridors of rocks,
nooks, crannies.
Carry laughter through the night
burn the effigy bowed-down,
before dawn's courageous,
ever-splaying light

Angels,
of Carlo and Marx,
plenty by noon
festoon,
again by day
thus replay,
Endeavor to infinity, fair child.
Remold the light by Day
and remold the Day
by Night.
 Feb 2013 Fred Kinard
Redshift
this is what
washing your hands looks like.

every useless night
i stayed up till 3am
to talk to you
i'm washing off my thumbs
off my eyes
off my heart.

every afternoon
i walked to the park
and you called me
inbetween
all the other girls you call
and i picked at flowers
in the 90 degree heat
looking at
my dusty feet
wishing...
i wash off
of me.

every time
i examined your face
looking for that smile
that hid from me
sometimes...
every ripple in your arm
every bit of your shoulder
i wash off of
me.

all the smiles
i composed for you
all the laughs
i trained perfectly
every freckle
every spark in my eye
every time
i told you that i loved you
i wash off of me.

every time
i tried so hard
to talk to you
to let you know
how it felt
every time
i hurt for you
for the lies
you fed me
i wash them off
of me.

every
single
fight
every
single
word
every
single
breath
i breathed
with you
every curl of my toes
every time
i destroyed you
i wash it
off
of
me.

every lie
every tear
every cut
i cut for you
i wash with soap
stinging
blinding
but finally
leaving.
he doesn't deserve this one either.
 Feb 2013 Fred Kinard
mads
There isn't another breath
that you'll take
when you learn of the disease
you've made.
 Feb 2013 Fred Kinard
John
Your pain is something you wear
Strapped
Pinned
Stapled
Nailed
To your chest

You can't hide it
There's no use
Why would you try to tuck away something so
Gratuitous
Toxic
******
And
Beautiful?

It's too big to hide under your bed
Too shiny to hide in your dark corners
Too smart for you to try to convince it that it doesn't existence

So you're stuck with it
And since you're stuck with it
You wear it
Wear it like the Badge of Courage it is
Like the Medal of Honor you earned
Like the Nobel Peace Prize you worked so hard Just to say
That you finally made it
No better day than today.
Pick up and leave.
Do what you wanted to
Yesterday
And the day before
Ever since you could remember thinking about it
You were thinking about doing it
What’s stopping you?
What’s holding you back?
Smash lies, drown guilt itself, **** damnation, fly high, and
Never
Look
Back.
This is your life.
It’s yours and no one else’s
To make
And mold
And have
And hold
And love
And find
Wherever it may take you
Let it comfort you
And “never look back”, I said!
Don’t look down
And for the record
And for God’s sake
Godspeed to you, brothers and sisters!
Seize what is yours!
Deliver your dreams, conquer your fears, and
Be a champion of chivalry
A king of kindness
A giant of joy
And above all
Make this place
Make this time
Make this one
Count.

— The End —