this is what
washing your hands looks like.

every useless night
i stayed up till 3am
to talk to you
i'm washing off my thumbs
off my eyes
off my heart.

every afternoon
i walked to the park
and you called me
inbetween
all the other girls you call
and i picked at flowers
in the 90 degree heat
looking at
my dusty feet
wishing...
i wash off
of me.

every time
i examined your face
looking for that smile
that hid from me
sometimes...
every ripple in your arm
every bit of your shoulder
i wash off of
me.

all the smiles
i composed for you
all the laughs
i trained perfectly
every freckle
every spark in my eye
every time
i told you that i loved you
i wash off of me.

every time
i tried so hard
to talk to you
to let you know
how it felt
every time
i hurt for you
for the lies
you fed me
i wash them off
of me.

every
single
fight
every
single
word
every
single
breath
i breathed
with you
every curl of my toes
every time
i destroyed you
i wash it
off
of
me.

every lie
every tear
every cut
i cut for you
i wash with soap
stinging
blinding
but finally
leaving.