I almost texted you good morning but I didn't because without you in my life a good morning doesn't exist.

The pills are working,
I'm not anxious anymore.
Thank God for modern medical
technology.
No joke.
At $60.00 US a bottle,
I figure by the end of the year,
I'll be sane
& ******* broke,
like the rest of the Country.
That's crazy.

And just like how you got that feeling at the concert, I got that same exact feeling in February. I thought it was because we were connected, and we could just feel each other's emotions. I thought it was because we were special, because we were soulmates. I've realized that we do not live in a fairytale and that all it was just our intuition, yelling at us, no... begging us to listen. Get out! Get out as fast as you can! But... We did not listen. We were too blinded, no... masked with our love. Can I even call it that anymore?

I can no longer be alone with you
The mix of love and the feelings of anger
are in conflict.
I still feel the same as before
Us ended and it become you and I
I still miss you, still read your letter
Still look at pictures of you for longer
then I should.

You have replaced me no problem
You are making personal descions
that affect my future.
A future that you are no longer apart of.
It's over remember?
You are with him, and I am alone.
So get out of my future.
It's you and I not US.

It's dark outside...
Inside it's worse.
Being without you is rough.
Knowing it's my fault is worse.
Losing all hope in myself
Over things I can't change.
That's bad.
Imagining living one more day
Feeling like I do now...
****...
That's the worst.

I think I'd do pretty well
as a functioning drunk
I wouldn't have too much
wouldn't take it too far
wouldn't drive a car
I'm content with the bus
I like seeing all the faces
even though no one
looks up from their phone screen
I'm good at pretending
we all connect somehow
like we were all friends
in some other time and place
I'm more friendly
when I'm not sober
feel closer to happy
I don't mind being a bit shabby
maybe I'll go buy a beer
maybe I'll go buy a bottle
maybe I'll just go