Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Your eyes open slowly and your blurry vision begins to fade. You look around and the room is white. Hanging over you is a canopy collecting every butterfly you've ever experienced. You step from underneath it and your feet touch the  floor covered in satin. You begin slipping just as your control once began to slip through your own fingers. You feel for the wall for support only to find your hand stained blue and cold.

The room was flooded with blue. You walk towards the cd player, and push play like you have a thousand times before. The cd plays the sounds of the ocean, the splashing against the rocks reminded you of a love that always came back for more. You were calm and every ounce of you called out for the warmth of the sun and the taste of the salt on his lip.

His kisses grew far more passionate than you ever intended and the vines leading down euphoric paths became green and quickly the room fades a deep emerald. The leaves began to change and your vines snapped much sooner than you ever planned for.

Sun poured into the light and reflected on every mirror you so impatiently refused to stare into. The room was yellow. You were alone with mirrors and a puzzle. The puzzle represented every piece of him that you never understood and your frustration pushed through your mind like crepuscular rays in a cloud. You heard yellow meant happy, but it only reminded you of a cowardice and an irritation that could cut holes in granite rock.

You look down towards your chest slowly rising and falling only to find the floor is orange, the walls are orange, every table and chair is orange. You walk over and sit in the corner, in the chair, seeming to be nailed to the floor and suddenly you remember every regret hammered into your head with no intention of release, just like the chair.

Power, lust and *******. You were covered in his scent and the marks on your skin were as red as the walls. The ruby matched your hatred, but it represented the passion that once coursed through your veins and raced with the beating of your heart that sounded far too much like the clock that was ticking out of time. It was red and it was quiet, but your intensity diminished as the  luxury of purple took its course and had its way with the walls.

The hands on the clock were amethyst along with every shelf end and every book within it. You reach past the cobwebs to reveal a book of your life. The pages are stained with deep purple smudges similar to your arms and knees after your demons have beaten you down. You begin to read the words on every page covered in black ink.

You realize now the colors are painted along the wall of your mind. It is as dark inside your mind and you feel submerged in a water deeper than the well your family had once thrived from. But the well of hope has run dry and you desperately search for the water that once kept you all afloat. The only noises you hear are every regret that ever snuck its way into the crevices of every memory. You pray for white, yellow, red, anything but black. But you are alone with the demons and you are alone in the walls of your head.
She ripped the stitches out of
Rotting skin and sinked in to
Seeping sin, dripping crimson
Crashing to the ground.
That same hole in the earth
With a cold to call home-
Not alone down there, she lets
The worms observe her every move.
Wriggling in dirt
Her thirst pulsed hard and black;
Can't take it back,
Too late to save that day
So let yourself unravel with the sutures
There's no future when you're dead.
Written sometime in October, 2013
The snowdrifts still cloak the exterior of natures *****; an impediment to the absolute euphoria that romances my soul whenever I am able to savour the enchanting glow of a incandescent burnt amber sun,
in all later months.

The wind, however vicious with its long lashes of seizing air currents, whispering through the crack of my window, straining the chimes in a chorus
of improperly tuned instrumentals; it all coincides with the atmosphere,
my dear.

I swear I hear voices in the streets, faces in odd places, arms around me as
I sleep.  I ponder over what you type to me, as I lay within my sheets. You are just so different than any I've seen before; a teacher- oh! a gorgeous professor,
to you I am a chore.

Petite, little me cold as can be ...
searching for a wee bit of company. Take a coffee or a tea and stay for a while,
write a song with my name in it
and make me smile.

Teach me the lyrics, and I'll sing the harmony. Strum through the hammer on's
& pull offs, let me take over the melody. Evergreen & blue eyes, we stare into one another for eons,
absolutely mesmerized.

Yet now, you are deaf not blind.

For you never hear my soul, each time you recite a verse.

You- the distant temptation, and this dreaded February curse.
Always the same around this time of year.
Slumped over again,
bad posture.
Running a fingertip around
the edge of a
highball glass.
Lost track of how
many times life has led
to this.

Drinking but far
from drunk.
Using and still
not high.
Alone and still
crowded by the
memories.

Took in all
of the empty through
bloodshot eyes
that hadn't been a
healthy white in
far too long.

Thinking,
lost so much.
Tried everything to
**** it all away.

Stabbed myself and
missed again.
Look forward to
the next fix,
need something.

No Longer worried
about the could
have beens.
Dance along like
a dollar girl
with all that has
been given.

Alone,better this
way.
Listen to the sound
of the refrigerator hum.
Call this music,
Frusciante.

Just me and the sound
of the ceiling fan whipping.

Passed out and
called it sleep.
I don't dream anymore,
the dreams gave
up on me
long ago.

Tossed and turned,
reached out and felt
no one there.
Laughed it off
then paced the room.
Went to the window
and peeked out at
the sacred night.

Back to the bottle and
filled the empty glass.
I began all of this alone.

The crowds demand
conversation.
The stammer robs
me of that.

Sat and drank,
sat and used.

I dont need the crowds.
I got Demons to keep
me company.
Knocking on a door that never opens
knocking on a door that never opens,
I need to enter so that I can empty out the heaviness of my emptiness into a room that has no colour. And the ignorant will walk by and they will hear the wailings that have created another dent in the moon and they will dance to the beat.
But
They will keep walking.
The wailings, they'll stop.
One day someone will knock and
knock and
knock
The door will open and I will greet them with my feet that dangle 6 feet above them.
And I hope
I hope that's loud enough.
not in the usual way with
bent knee and bowed head
but with nag champa and cd inserts, with
deep reds,
plastic costume jewelry beading and safety pinned rips.
it was post cards and cigarette ash
with Kroger's box dye in
rusted orange.
staining our fingernails. didn't matter. we painted them in
neon green and chunky glitter. we stayed up late and wandered
laughter like a shattered diamond breaking into a million stars and thrown out over such a welcoming ivory towered
night sky.
and itallian food households with those noodles in jars.
looking up.
it was Billy Corgan telling us he'd
sing along.
it was memories that aren't even mine. cut in my eyes.
it was blunt bobs and pixie haircuts.  it was cut necklines and walking on air. giant chain necklaces and whispered chap-lipped secrets.
endless folds and bottomless love
in a deliciously musty floral hat box.
you're just low end in
loving apathy.
and i'm absent in my own life.
it was an interruption so unspeakably painful.
doesn't seem so hard to revisit.
but i can't.
Next page