I hate to say
I love him so much
that I am not myself without him
I love him so much
that I am not human without him

my legs are immobile
my heart shudders instead of beating
my hands shake in steady vibrations

I love him so much
that I lose another interest each day
to make sure nothing ever comes before him
I love him so much
that I have stopped loving myself
so that he is the only person I need to care for
I love him so much
that I no longer exist
I am killing myself
by loving him

I often find myself wishing the best for everyone *except myself

A fantasy
That embeds its ideals
Within the nicer parts of yourself
And erases what humanity
You had left
Replacing it with destroyed views
With destroyed hopes
Leaving love making
Unsatisfying
Making your lover feel
Unsatisfying
You will never be satisfied

I'm ready to leave you
Completely unsatisfied

I don't think I'll ever stop being sad

if my blades would cut my skin
as deep as your words do
maybe then
i could be dead by now