look at this
this condensed structure of bone
and syrup
with its jaw slack
and it’s eyes so empty
gather round and take a glance
at this creature
stumbling about in a trance-like state
of corrupted effort and damnation
it is the spirit of exhaustion
and disappointment
it hides in your closet

it certainly hid
in mine

you know that it’s you, right?
when we were joking that
we were test scores and
one of us was good and
one of us was the best?
when you said you didn’t want to think about it
when you said
“that’s an emotional vulnerability
for another day”
and i said
“okay but we know”
and you looked kind of
like you didn’t?
you know that you’re the best answer
the right answer
right?

sometimes i wonder
if this life is the one
we weren't meant to live.

if this is the one
where everything went wrong;
the mismatched alternate universe.

sometimes i wonder
if the life made for us
is lost forever

Knock knock...
Who's there?
It's the fire in your belly,
just checking you're aware...

Hey, you know... I'm still here...
I'm not going anywhere.
It seems I used to be volcanic,
now I  barely singe a hair.

Magmatic in my golden days,
when did I grow dormant?
As you aged you acquiesced,
not living in the moment.

Rekindle my cinders,
your indifference is abhorrent.
You used to fight for your beliefs,
now the white flag is a soaring.

Give me white hot purpose,
give me a voice that roars,
the Beastie Boys fought for their right,
why can't you fight for yours?

You only get one shot,
you chose a pushover to the core?
Don't be the heedless hero,
be an involved...
...*******...
Tyrannosaur.

Photograph by Andrea Gibson

I wish I was a photograph
tucked into the corners of your wallet
I wish I was a photograph you
carried like a future in your back pocket
I wish I was that face you showed to strangers
when they ask you where you come from I
wish I was that somewhere you come from every time you get there
and when you get there
I wish I that someone who got phone calls and postcards saying
"wish you were here"
I wish you were here

and autumn is the hardest season
the leaves have all fallen and they fell like they were falling
in love with the ground the
trees are naked and lonely
i keep trying to tell them new leaves will come around in the spring
but you can't tell trees those things
they're like me they just
stand there and don't listen
I wish you were here

I've been missing you like crazy
I've been hazy-eyed staring at the bottom of my glass again
thinking of that time when it was so full it was like we were
tapping the moon for moonshine or
sticking straws into the center of the sun
and sipping like icarus would forever kiss the bullets from our guns
I never meant to fire you know
I know you never meant to fire lover I
know we never meant to hurt each other
now the sky clicks from black to blue and
dust looks like a bruise I've been
wrapping one night stands around my body like wedding bands and
none of them fit in the morning they just
slip off my fingers and slip out the door
and all that lingers is the scent of you
I once swore if I threw that scent into a wishing well
all the wishes in the world would come true

do you remember
do you remember that time I told you I've never seen
anything more beautiful than snow
falling in the glow of a street light
electricity
bowing to nature
mind
bowing to heart beat
this is gonna hurt
bowing to I love you
I still love you

like moons love the planets they circle around like
children love recess bells I still hear the sound of you and think of
outcasts who stutter beneath
braces and bruises and acne
are finally learning that their
rich handsome bullies are never going to grow up to be happy
I think of
happy when I think of you

so wherever you are I
hope you're happy
I really do
I hope the stars are kissing your cheeks tonight
I hope you finally found a way to quit smoking I
hope your lungs are open and breathing this life
I hope there's a kite in your hand
that's flying all the way up to Orion and you
still got a thousand yards of string to let out I hope you're smiling
like God is pulling at the corners of your mouth

'cause I might be naked and lonely
shaking branches for bones
but I'm still time zones away
from who I was the day before we met
you were the first mile
where my heart broke a sweat

and I wish you were here
I wish you'd never left
but mostly I wish you well
I wish you my
very
very
best

it stains the very inner of her being
crimson.
crimson with the guilt
and shame
and the unbearable weight
of loving without limits,
to the point of
a threadbare soul
worn with the
constant weight of giving.