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Pressure intense
around my head
and shoulders.
I am pushed
******
towards a distant
glimmering light.
My perfect
world
collapsing.
I am pulled
unwilling
into a world of bright
and cold.
Pummeled
by a white coated
assassin.
Made to weep
forced to breathe.
They lay me down
on your warm belly.
Your voice says
softly
"Hello, little guy"
I think
( but do not say)
Happy Mother's Day!
I lie with my arms folded on
A white sheet spread over an iron bed.
My bulging eyes sit over my reddened face,
I am ruined; I am dead.

Then I see them, they’ve come for me!
Clothed in crystal, flowing white.
They look down at me, coldly,
And I look back at their unblinking eyes.


I’d waited for it; I’d fought for it-
And now that time has arrived,
Of my freedom, abandonment,
My true birth, after this fickle life.

But then I see more men around me,
Invisible behind their aprons and masks.
They remove the killer rope from my neck,
And a finger traces along its mark.  

And so, I lie on the iron bed,
Lifeless, but not soul-less,
Surrounded by Angels and humans,
Both of whom had arrived on the occasion of my death.

Take me home! I lift my translucent arms
And plead to the Messengers of Heaven.
I don’t want to stay and see my body being
Split into halves, divided into fragments.


“But how can we, so easily,
Rid you from your life?
You made the mistake of doing that,
Of which no man has been given the right!”


As the Angels speak, the scalpel starts
To burrow into my skin.
Deftly my flesh is peeled away,
Revealing my organs of vitality within.

My heart no longer beats.
My blood no longer flows.
My lungs no longer fill with air.
My anxiety to leave suddenly grows.

O Angels from the bountiful Heavens,
You do not know how exhausting life can be!
I’d got tired of breathing and gave up,
Because God too had given up on me.


So, liberate me now and take me
From where I came and to where I belong,
Where questions are asked and justice is done,
Where the rights are weighed against the wrongs.


A hand enters my open chest,
And forcibly pulls out my heart.
And just then, the Angels too relent,
And wrench my soul and body apart.

Angels and humans scavenge over me,
On my spirit and flesh they together feed.
But I’m happy, because morsel by morsel,
From the shackles of life, I’m being freed.

*I’m finally out, I look back slowly,
They’re stripping my face off my skull.
I look ahead, and float away in thin air,
No sign of my existence remaining on the Earth.
The words of encouragement which you write
are a whispered song behind a wall so tall and wide, so tall and wide.

I see you through a fog, thick and dense.  This place of isolation,
this bubble of unfeeling, is not my permanent residence.

(I tell myself this, with the sincere pat on the back)

I hold a knife to my own throat, I choke.

Oh, I've got something to share, believe you me.
( I laugh, as the words slip out my mouth, slide to the floor)

What a joke!

Just tell me this, how do you save yourself when the hole you've dug
is so comfortable and warm, and the wall so tall and wide, so tall and wide?
I coveted moon, every night,
her skin, shining alabaster,
soul, oh! pure gold,
but her heart, was  in deep freeze!
Her brother stopped
you in the high street
and said, Have you heard
about Judith? No, you

replied, thinking maybe
she’d divorced or won
the lottery or had another
child. Her brother hesitated

momentary then said, She
died of cancer. It seemed
as if he’d stabbed a knife
into your gut and twisted

the blade, all the memories
of you and she walking home
from school, arm in arm,
laughing, kissing, the lessons

of school gladly forgotten,
or sitting by the pond in summer,
the birds in the trees overhead,
she and you holding hands,

kissing lips to lips, those alone
moments, those long ago summers,
those dark wintery nights,
she captured in the car headlights,

you wanting her closer and all
those images flashed before your
eyes as her brother’s words sunk in,
he standing there, knowing even

after all this time how you and she
had once been lovers, childhood
days like shadows on a far away wall,
the trees swaying and her saying

back in that moonlit lane, I’m engaged
to another, after you had proposed
innocently some years later, once
school had done its worse. Now her

brother’s words had pushed their
way into your mind, her smile, those
eyes peering into yours, that I love
you gaze, long ago, in happier days.
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