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purple orchid May 2014
Blood shot eyes,
drunk with regrets infused
with cheap beer,
Laughing at our own stupidity
As we fall, stumble
and pick each other up,
only to wobble again
We'll blissfully endure the
nausea
and throbbing headaches cause we've been through
much much worse,
Together.

Knowing us,
we'll probably end up on
some rooftop at 3 in the
morn,
In a drunken haze
counting the stars one by one,
confessing our well-kept
secrets,
and vomiting all the bile that
life fed us

Sure with heads spinning,
and the blurry vision
accompanied by endless
'little room' visits
we'll say
'Never again',
Only to turn it around with
another round

When misery finds us,
Don't fret
I'll hold the cracked mirror
to your face, you do the same
And we'll find humor in our imperfections
And there, we'll dance to our temporary happiness

When they dare tell us
'You're too young to be empty',
We'll look at them
Look at us
And burst into laughter
I'll be here,
through drunken nights
and sober days,
Always.
  May 2014 purple orchid
r
Would you have
     our stars not shine?
Would you have darkness
      be your shrine?

r ~ 5/5/14
For our school girls in Nigeria, and the world over.
  May 2014 purple orchid
hushhush
Is my body a ghost to you?
Am I the icy breeze that stirs the air around you?
Only, it's as if you shiver when I pass you.
My eyes, you make such efforts to avoid,
It's as if they were a memory you wish to suppress.
More than I can help,
Each day my gaze falls upon you
and I can see it;
That my face has become like an unwelcome truth,
Such discomfort it brings you
as the light finds its surface.

Do flames rise from my skin?
Has the scent of my smoke
caused you such suffocation
that you must hold your breath when I am near?
Have you seen shame tangled within the curls of my hair?
Disappointment folded within the creases of my clothing?
I don't know what you have found in me,
Or how I have repulsed you so,
Only, that it seems as though you can hardly bare to look at me.

How is it that the beating of my heart has come to remind you
of a knife's edge?
And my very existence has come to cause you such pain.
Have I become nothing more than an empty echo to you?
A sound who's meaning erodes in it's clarity with every reminder
of what it once was?

My words
have always been gentle,
Yet now it seems you wince when I speak,
Have I hurt you?
What is this pain that I have caused you?
How is it that I have filled you with such disgust?

If my body were to fade to nothing,
And if my eyes were to become so well concealed
that they almost became like empty hollows,
If I were to paint my face in shadows,
Would you find your peace then, my love?

If I were to become cold,
With my skin drenched in water,
And If I were to become smooth like marble,
If I were to become an empty rock face,
with no foot holes and no rest space.
Would you find your peace then, my love?

If my heart were to melt,
And I were to exist only where you did not,
If my words were to plummet with the weight of silence,
Could I make you happy then, my love?
purple orchid May 2014
Within me you found
A home that welcomed
Every bit of pain,
Every bit of dry,
Dark stained rose,
And drank from the cup of
Melancholy with content
But I am not stoic

The honey laced lies which
Escaped
Your bitter mouth found
Refuge in me,
And still I,
I foolishly gave you my all

Your hands are barb wired
That you can't touch without
Making me bleed,
What's love without pain?
Snow white sclera perfected
By a black dot runs after
My dreams evey **** day
You'd think you'd at least
Have the decency to leave
My dreams the hell alone

Your love doesn't gratify,
At least not like it used to
Apologies don't grate faults
No matter how much you
Adorn them with excuses
Oldie
purple orchid May 2014
Am I the girl with treasures in her head yet can't unlock the chest?

Am I the girl who is made up of a compilation of ****** scrap papers that outline every **** scar?

Am I the girl locked up in her room trying to figure out why the world is so cold, why she's all alone and nobody seems to care?

Am I the misfit girl, the one that doesn't stand out, the imperfect one, the one who has to try extra hard?

Am I the girl who is scared to delve into her sub conscious cause she might actually like what she finds?

The girl who enjoys the simple things in life, or the narcissistic ***** that woman assumes I am?

The girl who is a loosely placed coma in somebody's syntax, or the girl with a drunk mind yet sober?

Am I the girl who has the brush on her hand looking at an empty canvas, or the girl who embraces the shadows on the surface?

Am I the girl whose arms and legs are under, but still manages to keep her head above the waves?

Am I the bass guitar in somebody's symphony of life?
Am I somebody's ray of sun?
Am I somebody's trusted friend?
Am I who somebody's looking for?
Am I stoic?
Am I a wilting flower?
Am I a blooming purple orchid?
Am I even the star of my own life?

I am a pending train wreck
I am a beautiful girl
I have a good-crazed out head above my shoulders
I am completely illogical at times
I am a walking bundle of emotions
I am a heart full of games nobody wants to play
I am not perfect

I am me,
Farah.
  May 2014 purple orchid
berry
this is an open letter to anyone who has the audacity to try and love you like i did.

dear whateverthefuckyournameis,

i apologize in advance for spilling my boiled blood on the hem of your skirt. what you need to understand, is that you are standing on ground previously reserved for my feet, so forgive me for any bitterness that seeps through the cracks in my clenched fists. i don't hate you, but i can't be your friend. you probably don't know about me, and if you do, let me commend your bravery. i have a tendency to set my problems on fire, and in my bouts of anger everything looks flammable, especially girls with paper complexions. i'm sorry. i have never been one to walk away, so i don't know how to explain to you the holes in the bottoms of my shoes. but i have been further than you will ever go. this is not supposed to be an angry letter, but lately that's the only thing coming out of me. i don't even know your name but the thought of your hands reaching for him makes we want to break them. i will douse your dreams in gasoline and strike the match against your cheek. but i know that's not right, see, the poison crawling out from the end of my pen belongs to a scarier version of myself i try not to know. my heartache is an insatiable war cry in the dead of night, that will stop at nothing to shatter all your windows. it shames me to admit that i've found a sort of twisted satisfaction in using passive aggression to breach your armor. i am sick with missing a set of arms i was not privileged enough to know. i speak with all the grace of an atom bomb and wonder about the rubble at my feet. you are white picket fence and i am barbed wire. some girls are lions, some are lambs, and i learned to love, teeth bared and snarling. one of the only things that keeps me going is the hope that one day i'll learn how to love something without making it bleed. i may have never been his, but for a time he was mine, so please understand why i taste acid when i think about your mouth on his. again, i am sorry. i know it is not my place to be so full of resentment, but there is a part of me that sincerely hopes it bothers you to know he dreamt of me before you were even a thought. there is a side of me that thrives on the image of the color being drained from your face when you read this. but i am trying to learn how to be softer. this letter is the manifestation of a self-inflicted war that has been raging in my chest since he first told me about you. you will try to be good to him, and you might even succeed. if you ever find yourself singing him to sleep, like i did, don't ask if he wants to hear another song, just keep going until his breathing slows.

- m.f.
purple orchid Apr 2014
Slow we paddle through the starlit highway,
To a place where we must go.


Though your hope is
tattered, and plundered
Love will be the mitigating factor,

When all your embers die out,and you can't resurrect
Love will be spark that you need to enflame your heart

Though the raging storms
invade and
destroy your world
Love will be the echo in your ears,

When you are sinking and
can't breathe
Love will be siren that
calls upon you out of your
deepest
darkest waters

To a place where we
must go.

My love will be there still
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