your hair runs through her fingers as soft as silk
your body fits with hers like two pieces of a puzzle
but I am not her
you do not love me
and however long I spend
wishing for a small part of your being
to belong to me
I know now
it will never be

I have waited for so long for you to see me
in the way that I see you
because for 459 days (and counting)
you are what is always upon my mind

I put you high
on a pedestal and no matter how hard I try
you will not come down
you will not be replaced
you are prominent in my mind
you are strong and you are fearless
and you will not allow anyone
to take your place
you fight them all off
but why?

I am stuck on you
and you are stuck on her
and you will not let me be free
of your charm and your wit
your blind eyes
see nothing but her
and I see nothing but you

but this is not what saddens me the most

what breaks me down at 3 am
is that you don't even try

you do not try to give me some freedom from your grasp
but you do not want to allow me into your mind
                                                    your thoughts
                                                    your­ ever-precious heart

why do you want me to love you
if you will not love me back?
why does your beaming smile
guide me amidst lonely tracks?
why do you want me
to love you so badly
if you won't even spare me
the time of day
or the place in your mind
in which you lay peacefully in my own
each and every hour
of each and every day?

I am as pure and divine as God's fallen angel
and my mind runs riots sometimes
I feel the Rogue Creature coarse through my veins
Lucifers being takes hold of my own
leads me down the unforsaken roads
and then I'm left alone
lost in the realms of death and despair
but you know
I'm not religious
and I'm begninning to believe
that all of this is not as it seems
and your declerations of love
mean nothing when they come
from the heart and mouth
of a drunken paramour
and it is apparent only now
that my own personal Hell
has been derived by you
all along

I'm holding on too tight
and I can't let go
I hold onto your heart
and I hold onto the smile
that graced your lips
after we kissed
but you regret everything
now we're back to our harsh realities
and although it's been months
my desperate lungs
are still screaming out for you
to hold me once more
under one more full moon
on the darkest of all the nights
to tell me you love me
one last time

We were both drunk
I know
and you said it was all as friends
but you knew I already loved you

You kissed me
you held me close to you
and even in my most vulnerable state
still all you did
was hold me in your arms
until the intoxication passed

Your lips touched mine
and it threw me into the deep end
"Just friends" you repeated
over and over
but I was so enthralled by you

I still am

but we're only friends

you only loved me
when the moon was high
         (and you were, too)
and the stars in your eyes
shone so bright
but not because of me