I'm just a grain of sand
That will never be found
A voice that screams and is not heard

I come down from the ozone
So I can see me
I don't like to feel
It's much to real
So I take another sip
Down a handful of pills
Close my eyes and scream
As my thoughts spin me around
Then I'm on the ground
Consuming the dirt and debris
That lives inside of me
As weeds sprout inside my stomach
With vines that choke my innards and intrude
I have skin that I use a cover
To protect my sins

An young man in a old mans body
Feeble and broken down
No words I say will get your rest
As you lay still and shallow
I watch you breathe
It is labored even for me
I want to breathe for you
Give you years off my life
Your so cold asleep on that mountain
As you reach up to the heavens
I wonder who you see perhaps your mother
The secrets dance in this room
With marks on your body that you call yours
The devil crawled inside
Ate your core and brought it home
As the devil drinks your flesh
Your bones are dust that have turned to rust

When I was just a young child
I wanted to fly
Touch the sun and kiss the sky
Everyday at noon
I would run through the fields and play
That was before it was all grey
When my story didn't fade
I could close my eyes and escape
When the birds would whisper and play
Before things were gray
Before I lost my place
I use to dream of a place where peace lived
Now there is a storm in every corner of my place
Loneliness is so vivid and real
Just wish the clouds of darkness would pass me by
I have to believe that the breeze will talk to me
Give me answers and give me faith

I'm an old photograph that has no place
Black and white, no color,  no space
The world has drained
I can't stay

Intimidating me with your false power
Making me believe in all your lies
The voices I heard they were mine to keep
You strip me of everything I need
I will crawl out of you
I will fight
You shall seep as I consume you

Tonight I'm just a girl
A girl that nobody knows
I can be me
I can be free
Nobody to blame
I don't have to refrain
My tongue will drip with words that you don't approve of
My dress will be to tight and expose what is not right
I will see myself through my eyes
My walk will be refined
I will if I want sip red wine
You will not tell me that it is unkind
I will celebrate like its a holiday
Be silly and dance and have fun
To bad you won't be here to destroy my time
I'm just a girl

The lights dance across the bar
As I wait
I don't want to shine just for anyone
The gift I have to share is a sin  
I don't normally sleep around
But this heart of mine is gone
If you enter me I will be complete
I will grow weak
With your fingers like spiders nibbling at my spine
Making me crave your touch
And then I will be  a typical whiny ***** and complain
Why did you **** me?
Do you even care?
I'm such a fool
But who cares
As I ***** out the remnants of you out of my throat
I choke on the hollowness that lives in this place

I whirl and weave myself into circles in my brain
A space that nobody knows
Into someones arms I go
But I can't find my home
No place for me to get shelter from this storm
I'm hungry for need
My delicate parts as they bleed
A portion of my desire is met
My ***** is lustful and shamed
Do I look the same?
Carving the needle inside my veins to hide the truth
Keep the need
Trembling as I speak
I can't seem to express or seem to cope
The patterns of my insight are a maze
Like a rational being I should know what to do
It may be a obtuse dream
I surround the avenue of my thoughts
Making me more confused and feeling so lost

Can we be free?
Have unity
No war just peace
Accept others for who they are
Let everyone be real
Hold hands in church with the person next to you
Watch children grow,  teach them morals and beliefs  
Let them  become the future we need
So we could be proud
Educate one another about our backgrounds
Be proud of our color
Not to be ashamed of our mothers
Love and embrace
Let everyone have a chance to be strong
Go visit lost souls
The older man down the road who just lost his wife
Lost his essence, lost his soul
Volunteer your time to help someone in need
Be kind and be true
One day we will all leave this earth
And reside in a home together
Why not get along now
Lets recover

Its 2 A.M. I'm falling through the door
There you are fast asleep
Angry with me without having to speak
I 'm trying to be clean
Dropped my purse tonight lost half my pills
Good serves you right
Your not pretty when you smell like beer
Lost a high heel again tonight
Covered in bruises don't tell me your sick
You look like a strung out **** star
How many free drinks you get tonight ?
You use to be thin now your turning into a cow
Why the whiskey that sours your breathe?
Smell like smoke look like hell
Go to sleep you little *****

Come here
Come here often?
Sometimes whiskey on your breathe
The damage you have done can't be fixed
Come here often black and blue?
Remember all the moments
The ones I was scared to tell you
Broken hearts don't mean a thing
It's when my blue eyes are blackened from you
Angry so much
Destroys our life
A bottle at your mouth don't make it right
The next morning things are not what they seem
Its easy to place the blame on me
The pills that mess up your head
Go see your shrink I think your unstable
Why do you push me so?
Go ahead and leave if not I will
The gunshots that rang so loud in my head
That's the moment I should of ran
Instead I stay and play the games
Fixing up something so broken
What was wrong with me?
Nothing anymore
Freedom is in my soul
Heals all my wounds
As I let it all go
No more broken furniture or broken things
I was giving the strength to grow the wings
As I fly into a world I never knew
It surprises me what has happened to you

I bleed all my blood for you
It spills the contents of my need
The longing to  have you hold  me
When your near
Naive and incomplete
I swallow my humanity
Beg for your touch
Kiss me lingering your fingers on my breast
Starving for you to enter me
Slowly I weep into the shadows of hunger
Exposed unaware with no sense of pride

The sweetest sound is you and me
In the moment when everything escapes
All I want to do is make love with you
Tender yet raw
Coarse yet smooth
All I want is you

It's warm and wet on my lips
I take my time to savor the flavor
I desire the most
Salty and sweet
Tonight I'm yours
Were free
Tell me what to do
I could work it for hours
With the candle light dancing against my behind
I can give it to you nice and slow
Let me begin to show you how it works
Our lips exchange an embrace
As I look into your eyes
Working it down
I'll be your sweet baby
What ever you desire is fine

I did not mean to hurt you
Nor was it a surprise
That I shoved you away
When you begin to love me its so much to take
With you by my side I want to stand alone
I have an inner fight
Will I be alright?
I feel like I don't belong
The world made us collide in such a place
I try and love you
I try my best
Wallowing in the corner of my heart
I would rather be abused
Then admit that I need you

I added my breath to you
So you could survive for a while
I jumped inside your body and held you shut
Sleeping against your ribs causing you pain
But you insisted I stay
I used the blood that you created and flowed into your heart
I swam through heartaches and troubles
Tried to find a place that held no misery
Inside your veins I recognized you
But it was lifeless and dark, a place I have been within my own heart
I don’t want to stay out of contempt
I swallow every ounce of air you bleed
The taste of greed
But its times you release
I dive out of your core
You can’t feed on me anymore

With shades of black across my face
I peek with my blue eyes to let me free
Like I bird I could escape
Yet the cage is closed so tight
Although I can see the sky is clear
With all the ringing in my ears
Whispers of your love speak so quietly, yet so harsh
I want to remove your heart so that it don’t beat anymore
Wash the filth of you off my skin
I shall go fly into the wind
If my wings begin to tremble and I grow weak
I will remember the shades of black you wanted me to keep

I want to disentangle the layers of your skin
Peeling back what makes you tick
Fury that ate your intellect and makes me sick
Sinful but you don’t see
What you have done to me
Through bone and shards of glass
Right into the center of my youth
Tempting me with your kindness that I believed all too well
As my skeletal frame reached for you
I have something that is for you
You attend church for the sins you committed
Setting you at ease
While you hold your prayer beads
I bleed
The insides of my eyes can’t see anymore
Blackness that carved my soul in half
You have to be surgically removed from my head

Where has all the grace gone?
People that say excuse me and please
Men that act like gentlemen and get the door
Women who wear elegant dresses and leave something to the imagination
When people had poise
Walks through the parks and family rides
Flowers in the hair and boutonnieres
Picnic lunches and love notes
Music that makes you sway
Cold lemonade on a summers days
Sunday afternoon after church gathering around
Small quaint towns where everyone belonged
When kindness and empathy was taught to the young
Values were still in place
Long before the grace had gone

I would give you my wings if they would help you fly
In your darkest hour
I will whisper your name
Covered in shades that only we knew
This may be the link to your release
Needing you as the wind grazes your blues
If I had words that could make you belong
They would be long
As I stay here with you

Gather your little heart
Come with me
Let it be free
Against all the harshness I still see
Climb inside the universe of my soul
Painting rainbows in your hair
I could be the magic that you need

When the blood turns white
It drifts through my fingers like grains of sand
Searching for a home I never had
Dirt roads that seem so long
Friends that become unkind
Lovers lost along the way
Desperate measures and pleas
When there is no plan
Rain washes away
With no place to go
The branches of my tree are broken
Can’t hold the burden
Of all that is wrong

On your bicycle you ride
Through seasons of flowers and seeds
Flying into the universe so high
With trees passing by
I may be experiencing a delusion
But for a minute
Let it be real

The dust on the floor
Stepped on and ignored
In a pile by the front door
Tracked around and stomped on and  forgotten
I feel helpless and weak
Not sure if I know what I’m doing here anymore
My story has been much to deep
I have sank to the core
The past I had is gone afar
Happiness I once knew
Took off and flew
Like a bird spreading its wings
Flying through the air with no need
Careless and carefree
Able to love whom ever it may need

I’m not perfect nor meant to be
I have hips that bear children and ******* to feed
Scars across my stomach that gave life to thee
A body that can easily sway
Loving hands that can nurture but also be free
I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve
Through shadows on the wall in the hall
I hear you cry as you tiptoe towards me in the night
We just laid down and started to fall
I tend to your needs forgetting of my own
Its what a mother does even after the child is grown

If I caught the sun
I would give it to you
Let you hold it see the light
If I had the moon
I would share the shine
If I

I said I would follow you anywhere you go
Down the road of hopelessness with needles in your arm
I hold you and make it true
Try and play the part
Gratifying magic that invades my soul tends me to the core
In the alleys we all lay down
On the corner I search for home
Blood that has submerged into the soil
Where I swim in the gutter of what I once knew
Yet I stand beside you every step of the way
Living this deception you have me blurred
Trying to convince myself you don’t need me
The cold metal that kisses my porcelain veins
I trip on my own guts
Retched carcass that collapsed long ago  
I try and feed you like a feeble wounded bird
Dropping the small amounts into you
You try and taste the air
But your lungs are to small

The path is jagged and so I have been told
I feel so pathetic feel  old
The canvas I started is thrown on the floor
The room is full of smoke
I cant help feel distressed
I’m hesitant of this mind of mine
I try and surrender but I cant find the time
When all is said and all is gone
Will I see you? Will you fall at my feet?
With pieces of me upon the mountains for only you to keep
I never tried to stay
I knew what I had to do
Wanting to inhale you into a line straight into my mind  
Through amethyst moons and fields of love
You come undone and I have just brought you the sun
Pieces of me dwelling in your nerves
Every ounce of your resilience divulges me
You cant escape what you feel
I beat on this drum
Longing for love that is new
Watch you gaze at me with those shades on
Like an old hippie that just cant grow
Patchouli the fresh scent in your hair
Delicate and weak as you go
Spread your wings
Look at that light it forced itself in
I wanted to stay in bed and sleep
But for the reasons I have to live
It sneaked up on me anyway
It was a Wednesday an  a dreadful day to fall in love
But as I crossed the road you caught me by my thoughts
Make sure you kiss the sky as you fly by

His father passed away in May
Just an ordinary day
He lived so far away
They never had it good any way
Mother called he didn’t pick up
Headed out the door to work
Later that evening he hears the message
Thinks to himself I guess I better go
The roads seem so much longer than before
Heading north his head is full of old dreams
The forgotten the pain
But for mom I will do anything
He don’t have long is what the doctor say
I’m here that’s all that matters
Sitting in the room his eyes met mine
Son I’m sorry and I know its to late
Forgive me I know I did wrong
They shook hands later that day he passed away
He embraced his mother and stood beside his brothers
Father don’t look so strong anymore
Weak and numb tears begin to fall
After a couple days I need to go home
Mom gives me a old compass that belonged to dad
Son in case you are ever lost this is your way home

Out back in the fields the muck is profound
I go out to the well to get myself a drink
Its luscious and refreshing cooling me off in this summer heat
The flowers are wild against the ground
I need to chop the grass and mend to the barn
Grandma is indoors making a meal
Sister is out back looking for pa
I think he had to much to drink once again
Momma  is out hanging up clothes
I go to my favorite spot under the oak tree
Where all is forgot
It wont be long and they will look for me
I just want to close my eyes and dream
I remove the mud from my boots with a bang
Stretch my long lean body onto the ground
I say a little pray
Needing to find the solace I so much deserve
Where is my place?
I try and be good to please the lord
There is a small quaint church where we belong
I often look around this small town and ask myself why?
My ancestry is here but why do I feel shame?
**** old town rips apart my core
Feeling weathered and sore
I make my way back to the barn
I remember I need to milk the cow and collect the eggs
The smell of hay is overwhelming yet so fresh
It’s a smell that I’ll recall
Late at night when my bones begin to drift
I inhale the sweetness of the soil to know this is a gift
Watch the stars explode into the night
I lay here with a brick in my stomach
Waiting for pa
I’m not as strong as I use to be
Just like the old tattered barn I feel worn

The music dances in the light
In the corner someone holds a microphone
I don’t seem to know anyone here
The whiskey taste so fresh
My head is not so clear
I close my eyes hoping to find some part of me
I often wonder if someone is watching me?
Seeing the imperfections in my face
Studying  my eyes and singing me the blues
Its hazy in here as I inhale the stale air
Gasping for a reason to survive
I can hear glasses clanging people yelling “cheers”
My head disappears soon my heart will follow
The time seems to stand still
I look around the room
I see myself in the womb
So restful and secure just a little soul with no cares
I bathe in this water not yet affected
Have not lived does not yet know the worries of fear

I’d forget the future but what about my past?
I’m a contradiction so I have been told
Just want to slow it down and take a look at me
Perhaps a quiet solitary place in the woods
Where I can be free
No conforming to what everyone expects of me
Just me
Maybe then I will remember why I’m here
If the past is  going to disappear
I may not be sure what to do

Ups and downs
Completely through and through  
Sad and happy
Mad and sad
Been all over no mans land
Been gone for so long
That grass grew and almost took it all
Can’t see the house I once called home
The trees need cutting its obscene
My roots are buried have you seen them here?
Sow them all over in that dirt if you see them again
Perhaps a bird came and flew away with me
I could just be alone under that fern
As bugs come and carry me away on a Sunday afternoon
I may even end up in the sea
Suspended and drifting to the bottom
Maybe I’m just dust

It burned my little petal
But the gun was cold on my face
I was not afraid
I was in another place
My imagination escaped  
I ran through fields of flowers
Catching butterflies and smelling daffodils
I blew bubbles slowly into the air
Chased the dog across the yard
I had a vanilla ice cream and it was just right
The sun was warm against my skin
I was not inside a cage

My hips sweep against your body so light
Tracing the contour of your face
I don’t want to waste time
Let's make this right
My sweet full lips travel to another land
It’s foreign to me but it seems so right
My hands linger in between
I beg and I need
May I borrow your body?
What about your mind?
Can I make it mine?
Drink it up wrap it around a vine
Intertwine our minds let them love
Shall we never be unkind

Tonight we make love
To the same old songs
In this bed where we are emotionally unfit
The wood stove smells of wood and pine
It's so warm inside
I feel peace when I look at you
This is the place that I know
In fact it's all I know
It’s all I got
But I wish I didn't know every corner of you
Every turn of your heart
I wish I didn't
I wish I never had

David why did you have to go?
My heart is aching and it won’t lift
You are missed
The snow is falling gently outdoors
I believe I see you out there
David can you see your kids grow?
I hope that angels are among you
I hope dad is near by?
It seems so surreal
I remember the last breathe that you drew
The last one that I ever heard
Its all we knew

What is the sound of a heartache?
A bird whispers then dies
What is the sound of a heart break?
Maybe silence, it has no sound
Singing to the heavens
Something so sweet
A melody that can drift you away
Give you freedom and love

The agony the shame
Why do we always play this game?
I love you do you love me?
Let us unravel and whirl back together
Picking up the pieces of this mess
We waste days getting lost in space
The melody plays in my head
I try and hear but its seems so far away
We are living we have time
I want to know your song
Lets create light when the darkness is out to play
As we grow old I shall help you when your weak
Loving you in fields of gold
Don’t be sad dry those tears
The earth is under our feet
We thrive until we die
Slowly we can make our way
Go into the unknown
Let’s start today

Linger and embrace as I bleed champagne
Slowly broken haunting this place
The desires recall the poison
We gulped the liquid *** when one night was never enough
The salt of your skin on my tongue
Sweet words that caused morning tears
I yearn waiting for your return
As the lonely wind rustles I try and wander free
Its moist beneath my hips
Between her spirit I know you have to return
I quietly follow your soul as you go out the door

Beside hope we must remember
The sweet promises we once believed
The language of this universe soars through a thousand dreams
Together the morning light finds its home
We try and unite and for a second its pure delight
A tiny voice that imagines emotions
A sacred sound that belongs
We become a prisoner in the depths of our core
Yearning for youth and so much more
Haunted by a broken eternity
Concrete secrets that slay the joy