Delicious color through the porcelain sky
Among  sacred desires
Untamed with velvet poison
A blanket of moss
As the fertile moon is gently bright
Deep beneath when nothing is right
A world of beautiful lonely rivers
Nature is how life grows
Withers and leaves peace between
Poetry is the season of the song
When  all feels wrong

Forgetting my name as it slips off your tongue
You Slaughter my soul and leave it for prey
Abandoning my love just another casualty your way
You massacre my mind hijacking my heart
Just another cadaver in your disease
The devastation you have provided me with can’t slip away
I’m immobile I have been through a defeat
Sabotaged all that I once believed
I Surrender I no longer continue to breathe

The things I see when I look at me
Do I see confidence? You tell me
Do I see beauty? You tell me
I’m not thin should I be ?
To conform to the ideal beauty that you need?
Shall I deprive myself of love because I’m me?
My ******* are large and so is my waist
My body is tired yet in place
Ask me what you want to know
I shall tell you
Is it attractive to let your ribs show?
To starve yourself for so called perfection?
Or to force yourself into a misperception
Is beauty worn on the outside? Or does it come from within
Would you love someone less because they are not thin?
You tell me
What about empathy and compassion for others needs?
Would I infect you with all of my fat if I touched you?
Perhaps its my kindness that should procreate
Because nobody wants someone with extra weight
Isn’t that true you say it everyday
In your stares and the you lack to pursue
I’m worthy to love
I don’t have sticks and bones
Fullness with curves that kiss my hips
A stomach that may have had some kids
Ask me I shall tell
I don’t hold my tongue and let you decide
When I look into the mirror my head is held high
I see bright eyes that glance back at me
What do they see?
They see ME

Summer pebbles sow the profound need
As I recognized my sad spirits
I climb the wind to my demise
The warm years spent  in this blue breeze
Voices appearing from  my novel mind
Resting upon the clouds above the soft shine
Over the moss of the rain is my continued existence
Wild are those who are left to wander
Without any shade
As winter approaches things come to a halt
A fresh raw beauty that eats the day
The end must encourage the summer days to fade
Wishing for an innocent angel to help me on the way
A world  trapped between peace and pain
Soaring through the evening moon
Looking for life anew
Gathering all the strength I have
In a tranquil hallowed world
Where there in so sound
As if I knew

Quietly into this moment this haze
My eyes try and follow but don’t know the way
My mind tries to center but that don’t last
In your perfect world  this don’t exist
When the only thing you need is one more hit
Sadistic and sick I cant help but drown
I’m so tired of living this way
Ruptured the way of the ground
Down is the only turn I take  
What a dishonor you call yourself a soul
You refuse to understand others need
Look at this skeletal frame of mine
Did I chose this life of mine?
Do I like to inject in my veins ?
Hide behind my mask that’s attacking
Its swallowing me whole
Vomiting me out through my nose
As blood appears and says words again
That nobody knows

I float away from love letting it flee
Strolling after summer songs looking for relief
Through the nights of sweet blue birds
Under the daffodils I reside
Where the earth blossoms and hears my cries
We suppress a thousand years of lies
Her shadow sleeping in the wind
Storming over the raw language of love
Moaning with that dark drunk tongue
Always bitter with delirious skin
Torn petals on my flesh
Lick beneath the pink suit
Smooth whispers and the smell of the moon
As crushed flowers weep
Goodness still soars
As our dreams boil frantically together
We are bare yet never recover

Through a gentle path
Beneath a sanctuary
The soul full of harmony
The smooth river rain
Sweet season you relax
Let be let it sing
Thick mountain dusk
Blossoms into a secret spirit that will seed and then vine
A wild life yet pure
See it shine
Climb, thrive and never wither under this fight
Remember this delicious decay
Linger only as we kiss
Born to bleed poetry
Devour and bring them peace

Your velvet breath comes
As the morning sky is born
Celebrate and devour peace
The broken timid breeze
Lingers and torn
At your young wild steel heart
That is on your sleeve
A naked prisoner that has no way
Stream through the secret desire
Into the ocean glass up into the free

I bear a breast beneath his finger
Whispering over the music
One thousand sweet tiny kisses
A symphony of delicious screams
Frantic with beauty that has been left unseen
Chanting a love language by luscious wind
Through insignificant cries
One will recall
The urge to smear the shadows out to sea
Paint diamonds through the forest
Smelling the sweet skin
Worship, swim and run through me

Delicious peace decays the need
Surrounding life looking through the night
Young porcelain heart afraid to break
Time has no universe for me
The sky is the secret for us to keep

Lonely hallowed summer
A song over the river
This quiet world of mine beholds the wind
Thriving like vines I could climb
Poetry seeds the winter season
As I wander and wither through sacred earth
The lonely intuition through the peace season
A gentle loves thrives beneath the dark
Leaving me with a thirst

I have scars
I wear them so proud
They are paper thin
My nails touch them so gentle so clean
Passing me by are the stars
In my mind I created you
Watching you stand all alone
But  I’m stranded here between relapse and recovery
I have looked into the eyes of your soul
Many times before but always ask why?
Can I find a way home?

Ripped clothes lay here on the floor
Your by my side
I can’t even remember your name
Mine is called shame or so I’m told
Make up running down my eyes
You down my thighs
I push and I shove
Watch you race down my throat
Losing my patience waiting for relief
I don’t have food but my addiction is full

No saving you
Livid all of the time
I want to cradle you forever more
Living on the bottom of my mind
Living in your blood stream I’m your hell
Eating your brains out
No more questions just lies
I  beg and crawl through the base of my head
I need to be carried away to a place where I can be safe
When the bugs quit attacking my skin
And the voices will agree what to do with me

I ache as the harsh wind rips through my body
I indulge in my own sweetness and condemn my indignation
My tender existence and my delicate heat
I often wonder if I have faded out, like the colorless leaves on the ground
Frightened by the truth that love can bring
The reality of my existence
I know all to well

My love is wild and undignified
I don’t care if others call me crazy
I’m young and my heart is undone
Touch me as if I were an angel
My skin craves your kiss
I need your touch
Warm bodies embracing as the moon meets the sky
Take me away bird make you mine

The trees stagger like drunken men
Wind craving salvation as the waves crash along the shore
Coldness surrounds me
Lay still so I can breathe
As the rage engulfs me

My tears are becoming a sea just for me
I can gather them place them in my heart
Watch them cause a wave so large that its exposes my heart
I often wonder if anyone can see them perhaps just me
These words I whisper that sit on my tongue
Are they just here to stay?
When I close my eyes for the very last time
Will I be alone?  This I may deny
My eyes lids will flood with just one kiss
Where stars fall and meet the earth
Your skin will be my flight
I will dive into the clouds
Radiate the sun
Beams of hope will impress me so
The water will still flow
In circles I shall run
With your funeral suit and everyone gathered around
Slit the wrists with everyone
Conform to all the beliefs that you don’t even know
People will stand and speculate
But all along I just laughed

Beyond colors beyond hope
I’m somewhere I may of forgot
I use to celebrate the life I knew
Embracing the moments of anew
When days seemed to never end
And the grass was soft and wet beneath my feet
Everything seemed so vibrant and new
When in mud puddles I could swim
I tried to reach the clouds
It never seemed so far away
I danced with the moon underneath the stars
Had no fear and no regrets
Nothing seemed problematic what an easier time
I didn't yet know the color of blood
Running down my chest
Scrambling onto my legs where it seemed to rest
I dreamed of flying as my arms flapped at my sides
With stick thin  wings and so much fight
In my mind I could fly
I didn't know how to resist
The wind kissing the curve of my youthful hips
I collected flowers and dandelions were the best
Not just a **** that nobody seemed to pick
But a rose that was lovely with delicate petals
Transformed into a life

Crawling through the depths of the shadows
To places I don’t belong
Under the debris beneath the ***** is a place for me
Securing myself with my arms
Blood that traces my lips
The horrific taste of metal lingers and dances on my hips
Pieces of shrapnel inside my veins
Forcing the strain to explode
At last it’s a quick fix
I relax my bones until my bones can breathe
Lay down with my emotions into the haze
With droplets of dew upon my skull
There is no sensibility of this wreck
Catastrophic solitude fits me the best
Despair is my favorite dress
I wear it all too well
Desolation with metal traces of you
Hands shake ,heart battered and blue
On that morning eve
As my skin turned gray
Eyes that are vacant wasted away
No longer to survive the internal force has dried
I only know why

Sparrow little sparrow
Why so sad?
I have tried to help you get outside
I will leave you sleep get some rest
Lay down upon my breast
I will stroke your wings
Hold you near
Forgive me kiss the warmth of my neck
Little sparrow so lonely and sad
We could go to a land where you can frolic on the shore
The waves will kiss you I do believe
Beyond the shadows into the breeze
Just you and me
Sparrow have no sorrow
Just for me

We are connected you and I
I held you with my spirit and mind
My heart is heavy I miss you so
I know that I don’t have to let you go
I loved you from the beginning and this will never end
I may not see you by sight
But in my heart you always take flight
You get to laugh and play
Mommy will be with you one day
I have envisioned you on so many nights
Fly with the angels my sweet tiny one
Dancing and playing within the clouds
Touching the angel wings as they embrace you near
Your always in my heart as you already know

You oppressed, egotistical , ignorant,  uneducated , biased self
Living in the box of conformity
I want to stitch your tongue on the roof of your mouth to silence you  
I refuse to coincide to everyday traditionalist events
I won’t be a victim of  someone’s else’s mistake
Hostilities and intimidation it polluted you ***** little mind
There is nothing unique about  conventional clothes
Poverty ridden the abyss makes me rage
Dreaded emaciated void that overflows with pain
No one is thriving but this phantom pain that you feel is real  
Bleak and suddenly ill
I want to choke out the interior of your shame  
Gelatinous core swallows you whole
While you wear your American mask
This is your wasteland , desolate as your character
It interrupts with clatter as it fractures the earth
Covering you with splinters of despair

I settle closing my eyes
Go to the edge of the earth and I dive
I don’t descend quickly like I intend to
I’m suspended in air with no flight
My body is immobile yet my mind is frantic with expectation
I ask myself  am I still alive ?
For this is what I fear
Surrounded by clouds that trap me
I don’t want to shelter my fall
I need to feel what is real
My fingers intertwine with the atmosphere
For moments that seem to  pass by
I observe the radiance of the sky
The place where the stars live and the sun dies
But nothing can deplete this despondency
My nucleus is torn open with little shreds of glass
I ask for this to be over at last

I put on my Sunday best
Wait by the door have my bible rest  at my side
With my skinned up knees and little party dress
Today is my birthday I feel extra nice
My mother polished my shoes and bought me fancy ruffled socks
I await with anticipation to head to my church
A place to feel protected this I’m sure
It is such a warm day I feel the sun kiss my youthful skin
Can’t believe I’m twelve today
Thoughts race through my head
I wonder if they will remember and do something special?
Will I get a new bible for mine is tattered and the cover is torn
I wonder? It does serve the purpose so maybe not
I watch the cars go on by  one by one
Feeling a bit antsy maybe they forgot to get me today
But within a few minutes I’m on my way
With a happy birthday from some fellow church members
I feel so proud twelve years old time flies by  
We head into the house of God
I could hear the bell charming oh so loud
My favorite sound on Sunday morning
My stomach starts to growl it distracts me
Punch and cookies await for me
Church hymns begin to waken my ears
I fiddle with the lace  on my new pretty dress
Clicking my heals and accidentally hit the wooden bench
I’m in the house of god
Mommy always taught me to not entertain myself with other thoughts
So I focus on that white and black collar
He is so large standing like a king
One bead at a time let my fingers dance across
I think of sunflowers and rainbow colors
We stand up and sit down and repeat this again
Its time for fellowship to begin
I need to get myself a drink its stifling hot in here  
I tell the family that brought me here that I would be back in a bit
I skip to get a drink that water is so cold
Why do I like drinking out of a fountain? Is it  because it tickles my nose?
After cookies and punch I’m told I have an extra surprise
For today I can get a ride home
I see the black and white collar its looks so scratchy
But this is Gods house and he does what’s best
As  people say goodbyes and I sit and wait for my surprise
Maybe because momma can’t afford much I will get something nice
Its peaceful as the church hymns are gone

I have never been in here when it is silent
He tells me to sit down and gives me a drink
It taste familiar maybe that wine that only those who had communion can taste
I drink it down so fast it makes me a little dizzy
Perhaps it’s the heat in this building
The fans seemed to be broken on the hottest of Southern days
Father tells me my dress is pretty
I smile politely waiting for a surprise
He ask if my socks are new and I reply with a very loud excited “Yes “
What have I done to get the attention like this?
My best friend had a birthday two Sundays ago
What did she get?
I hear mommas voice run in my head don’t entertain yourself in the house of the Lord
So I close my eyes for a moment or two
So I hear today is your birthday , that makes you a special girl
I nod my head still feeling a little loopy
May I take your picture for the church paper?
You look so pretty but first take your hair down
I release my braids one at a time
My hair is wavy and long and so baby fine
I show off my socks so proud of them
He smiles at me with his  bright smile
Can I see you twirl around in your Sunday best ?
I giggle and spin in a circle or two
Smile he tells me so I do
Come sit here I sit upon a desk
I must be special to be up here
Father asks to see what’s under my dress
I ask why but know father knows best
For a quick moment I lift my dress
Feeling my face become flushed
Its alright you’re the birthday girl
I ask if I get a bible he says after were done with pictures and such
I sit quietly listening to his voice its deep but soothing
My feet don’t want to hold still
I try and be polite and use my manners just like momma likes
He has his fingers stroke my face they are soft but large and feel nice
May I give you a birthday kiss? I have seen my elders  kissing and practiced on my doll
This wont be wrong we are where god lives
His lips graze mine slowly at first
Then it becomes harder and he is full of thirst
These hot Southern days
His face feels like sand paper like grandpa has to make his Christmas gifts
It warms me suddenly then cools me down
I feel a burning between my legs it aches
He reaches for me my wavy hair resting in his hands
I feel so special but keep wondering what my gift will be
He gives me another drink of that pretty red stuff
Giving me sips slowly as he grips the cup
It spills down my lips a little at a time
But we don’t waste any he drinks it from my chin
I feel as though I suddenly forgot how to breathe
There is something under my slip of my dress
It makes me at ease
At night when I go to sleep and put my head on the pillow
I feel that kind of rest
There is an sensation in my chest
He reaches up and pinches these small pink eraser like dots
A noise is able to escape it’s a noise I have heard before
Through closed doors but never from me
He takes off my dress slowly and meticulously
I don’t want to rip my new dress or the slip that grandma made
His mouth finds my little mounds of pink and nibbles away
He makes no sound I finally breathe
As colors start to run down his neck and onto the once white crisp shirt
He removes it . I want to touch it feel it around my neck
Its just paper with cloth but he allows me this
So I stand with my *****  pink erasers and this collar
I wonder am I a man of God now?
He asks if I would like to see why he is a man
I apply yes use my manners so nice
He takes my hand and puts it on a warm hard lump that is escaping his pants
I’m not scared I feel safe
He takes out the thing that makes him a man and he wants it against my face
My birthday present at last
Father is careful placing it  on my lips
So I try and kiss it like its one of my dolls
I feel kind of silly so I ask him how
Like a ice-cream take your time
Go in circles over this spot
So I do and it grows I try and put it in my mouth
My lips are sore and I need a drink
He laughs at me and gives me more red drink
I want you to lay down he says to me
So I do and feel like I have been on a merry go around
He removes my flowered printed *******
My stomach starts to feel woozy  
But I still feel good
I’m twelve today he is so impressed
I lay down with butterflies in my chest
At first it hurt his finger exploring me
But then it was like a warm day and a cool breeze washed over me
It kind of tickled when he put his tongue there
I giggled and moved my hips
But something happened that felt like my favorite candy
My body wouldn’t quit moving beneath his face
I shivered and wondered am I getting sick
Then just like that it was over
He flipped me around and put his fingers in another place
I was kind of worried that I done something wrong
He reassured me that I was doing fine
Something felt warm on my behind
He told me its going to hurt but it will be alright
I felt a pain that heard a sound  
His rough deep voice maybe this is where he belongs
For a moment I didn’t breathe
I held back the tears because I’m twelve a big girl
He turns me over once again takes my tears and put them in his mouth
He was looking for salvation he drank every last one
So as I lay thinking of rainbows and the evening sky
He has some fluid that I drink like the wine
It tasted like nothing but was thick and made me feel shy
But as we finish he hands me a new bible I tear a page and wipe myself dry

Your promise means nothing to me
You say one thing and do another
So sick and tired of it all
Tired of excuses you won't admit to own
I see the blood that lays on your wrists
Traveled down to your stomach
Cutting yourself thin
Why do you bury yourself under this disguise ?
I have tried countless times to help you
But the waves come so close
Only you will know
I have observed you in some many states
If you find your mind then give me a call
I can't be responsible for your death
This ailing skeletal body that you call your own
It don’t belong to you
It’s the man in the moon
Flying high in the same clothes
I won't approach you when you hold that spoon
The space where your smile use to be
Blackened rotted teeth without a smile

Don’t be silly yes I adore you
I drown myself in the days that I’m away from you
I recall when I couldn’t sleep without you by my side
But I often feel this heave of sadness invade my heart
So suddenly tearing me apart
I want you I would also like my mind
Perhaps you float inside of me
Swim in my stomach with the whiskey and pills
That at one time I never knew
But pain is so real since you been gone
Everything seemed to lose its appeal
Except when I’m numb because then I feel
My lips are coated with white coated pills
But they desire your kiss
My eyes have no sparkle and my voice has no sound
You were the only thing I never did wrong

I find my way during this insanity
Heave my soiled bones
Why do you hold me under every time I try and resurface?
Is it that hard for you to see me appear?
Heartless and insensible
I carve you out of my mind
Out of my skull with the edge of your dull spirit
Why don’t you do the same?
Move forward forget all the lies
I have nothing left for you
It is what use to be but nothing remains  
Time has moved and so have I
I refuse to be swallowed by your insecurities
I have lived so long in the bottom of you
Hiding the way
I felt to appease you
To pacify your own fears
Your misery has become my healing
Nothing left but a bruise

You may think that I don’t know what love is
But I asked the sky the flowers and the trees
They all had an explanation for me
The sky spoke in a low hush tone
Whispering to me I will never be alone
That when I feel secluded I’m surrounded by peace and quiet sounds
That I shall never feel alone
The flowers told me something I once knew before I wore scars
Sometimes you will see beauty in someone
But as the layers fades it  reveals the truth
The trees stood brilliant by my side
It held me with its  undergrowth pulling me near  
It told me I’m like no other that I harvest strength everyday
Gives me faith and gives me sound
That there are all moments we don’t want to face
But we take on the hardships that we are dealt
In these moments we find our way

In the darkness with your honey colored skin
That was welted and warm
It surrounded me  
I knew how I felt
Quietly I said a prayer under my breathe
Let this be real make me alive
Eyes that felt like home just where I belong
Connected to you at last
Your lips taste exquisite
I sketched you several times in my head
You empower me
I erase all that I know
This blood that runs through me leaving me half dead
I need to let the past be anew

Letting you lay so peacefully and still
I ache with wonder what would I do
Fighting my urgency to rush
My fingers slowly find your *******
Then I travel to your place
Why are there tears are you in sorrow?
This well be so special you’ll feel good
Committed to the demon in my mind
I want to cut you and place you inside of mine
Don’t have to try and yell because nobody will listen

Your skin is delicate and free
I bet that nobody has ever tasted you
I want to float in your throat
Frustrated by the words that **** my mouth
I tried to make you numb
Perhaps you’re a little to resilient for me

Wasted and wilted don’t give a ****
I thought you were mine but now you ran
I long to search your eyes looking for my soul
You turned out to be a no good useless *****
I ****** your mouth dry
Pulled your hair and made you cry
Looking at me sad this had to be
You were a ***** that liked it all
When I would stick a needle in your arm
You became mine
You’re my addiction my need
Watching you collapse on the floor
Falling off the edge of the earth
I wanted to make you collide
My fingers trace those pretty lines I made
I will give you more when you need
Watching you heave up my ***  
I want to stick you where you belong
Breathless and lifeless
Not speaking a sound
You have no memories I washed them away
They are broken today
Watch your pretty blue eyes turn red
Watch you struggle to scream
As you lay at my feet
Begging for more I watch you turn into dark

In the darkness I can’t tell a lie
When your fingers make me raise
Skin that tingles
It makes me warm feeling no fight
I lay still let you take me
I’m yours
This bottle I have is starting to ache
No pills can take away this disaster
No dulling this pain
What if we don’t do this and it gets to late?
No regrets moving forward
Facing the pain
As you place your hands on me
I can manage the truth
Let you have my flesh
Dancing in the moonlight let it be
My cool bare skin that you worship and need
My lips tug at your mouth
I’m so hungry I need
I want you inside of me
To live and never escape
Are you my truth?
Perhaps when day you’ll be a stranger that I never knew
Until then you’re my need

The rain came and washed it away
All, including the shame
Pieces of you that I can’t claim
The rain came and led me through
Into the night where I did not have a fight
Nothing left to offer
I carry this burden that feels like steel
When our fingertips met I could feel something real
You may think that I don’t see
But were one step away
I have drained all that I use to be
Now I don’t want to feel
I go to the side of the river
Kicking my feet in the pain
I don’t belong
Whispers that come alive
Slip inside this mind of mine

I have no reflection I can’t see a thing
I have no voice I can’t speak
My worry is here to stay
I’m a stone that can’t even skip
Yet here I am
Let you **** all that I need
I stand and wait for the bus that never comes
I hope it does soon
I stand here alone
Its frigid here and I can’t be put down
Maybe I need to stand on my own

Essence drowns my flesh
I felt the wind blow
The days weren’t mine
I would run out of my mind
Another night to dread
Yet I’m alive
But  I cant make it to far
I have some how lost my way
I once was naïve
But the past clutch’s me refusing to release
I pray on my knees the beads among my fingers
I start to bleed
Begging for deliverance  praying for me
Why so lost ? Yet not found
I don’t even recognize a sound
Could I just go and have my sins washed away ?
I just want to breathe out then in
I want to forget
That sorrow destroys all that I am
Should I stay silent to protect him?
But I desire in the middle of the night
A man to touch me until all is forgot
Heaven is fantasized
Once delicate nothing left for me
Strength you acquire when you need  
The time is limited when you grieve

What if I didn’t take that picture and never got that chance?
What if I failed to say I love you as I reached for my death?
If I gathered my hope and handed it to you would it mean anything?
If I were sick would you help me?
Be the one to lead me when I’m blind
The sorrow that controls me do you understand?
What if all I spoke was careless silly lies?
If you leave I should understand
But inside my head I’ll always ask why

He kisses her softly and makes her weak
Holding her like a fragile bird
Tender emotion that wants to flow out to the wild sea
Delicate a heart very much wounded
So many unfulfilled dreams
Maybe this is why she is so quiet
There is no execution upon the departure
Because in love nothing last forever

Let my hands be free to caress you when I need
Sometimes there are things I forget to say
Let me show you with my touch
When were in the moment let me lead the way
I hold my wounded heart so close to me
My words want to flow independently
But its my emotions that expose me  
The burning hunger with my thoughts on paper
I don’t suffer from  any consequences
Why torture my soul for needing another?
A shameless fool overwhelmed by desire
Burnt into my fragile being
Shamelessly I lay waiting for a  lingering kiss

That day the moon cried
As your feeble bones were lowered into the ground
I watched all I could do was visualize in my mind ***** needles
That you needed more than I
Lines that traced your body searching for the truth
That was never found
I know you looked into the mirror but could see no reflection
Your sick teeth stained with fear
The weeping willow that began the flood  
It was contaminated
You were just a walking shadow
No fury no sound    
Eyes that didn’t see
You were invited to leave yet you stayed
The pages of my bible are now torn
Inside grieving as you disassociate
I want to purge your name into the sky
I feel so solemn
I feel so lost
Strangled by my own hope
Poison kisses and the hush tones
That I refuse to own  
Caught in deaths net
You did not die alone

Women soar after beauty
It is essential
Bare ******* beneath an empty soul
Swimming in the wind of dreams
I’m flooded  with sweetness
This is not enough
I am not tiny
My ribs don’t protrude
I have visions of gardens and frantic full moons
Ships that have sailed
Women who have failed
No one person is perfect
Neither you or I
I don’t live in the shadows of who I could be
For I am not ashamed of who I have become
I am a young mother
I am a lover
I am a poet
Wearing her heart on her sleeve
I have had many failures
They help me to grow
All of this makes me

Constant struggling from this untamed condition
Conscious colors on this earthly soil
A rupture full of sweet bouquets beneath the stone vines
As winter mornings assault me
Emerging like exotic wind with a last silent breath
I cocoon myself so I can stay within

I sweep my bones under the rug with my sanity
Off it goes through the door and down the drive
Tumbling screaming towards the mass confusion
I have dreams that I have held carefully in my hands
But I ran with them and watched as they collide
I have overdosed on love
It drained me so
At first I needed and desired
Now I need more
Caress my mind freeing my soul
Its been a cold war
I have confessed sins that I already own
Use my skin look within
Rich colors that glow
Underestimate my perceptions
Blood buries the lies that reside in my veins
Eating at the shadows
Hiding only at night
I overlook you
Wished the worse on you
Climbed inside of you
Kisses make me weak and weep
Holding my head down until I’m in the ground
Digging my nails through the ***** soil
Aching  in disbelief as I stride to be alive
I need fumes to make this right
Inhale the scent of your sweetness
Waves are crashing down on me
Sinking to the bottom peaceful and free
If I’m gone to long don’t you  look for me

I’m just a weak mild bird
That is so fragile
If I cry my feathers weep
I’m nothing fancy
In fact I have no shine
I once had wings and I could fly
But that ended long ago
As you can see
Please close your eyes keep the secrets from me
Today I wish not to be found
I’m a nighttime bird with nighttime blues
Watch me gradually flow away
If only you knew

I frantically need to know why your sightless?
You don’t envision color
But do you feel touch?
Can you define a vision?
Languor is what you’ll become
When you wont you let anyone in?
I know you feel faulted
And sometimes I deny
But why walk away? Perhaps it could die
I have tried to gather my dreams and carry them
But it consumes me and that is not what I wish
It is summery and light I need you so
  I need you to have sight
Closing my eyes enjoying  the fragrance of this earth
You could be the sea and I could be the shore
Keeping you safe on your way
The vestigial has begun to disintegrate
You can’t set back and fourth
We need to instill something that can be sincere  
And not set and wait
Because then it may be to late

I take one then I take two
The feeling is setting in letting me loose
The tears subside my skin starts to feel fine
I take another its so warm
Put my lips on a bottle that never seems to last
Not sure why today
Inside I’m dying of the past
The metal taste on my tongue
Coated white until things start to appear
Will this be the last time my head starts to scream
Devouring all the carnage that I dream
Is this it?
I must ask