You are you the anemia in my heart
Where human remains start
A journey into harmony with a spirited flame
Whipping into tranquility a fascinating rein
Trying to survive beneath a powdery substance, pollen
Bellowing with distress
With hands on the face of God with a righteous value
Licking the language of music that barely exists
Bare shadows, disfigured, and executed
Battered into the desolate cold grave
The salvation sickens me alive
Memories  are  measureless
The sun gasps into soulless sounds
As the spirits surround me crying as I fail
Demise while you're young
With redemption you sacrifice
The night begins to spill away, slain by the sun

Broken shards of wind and rain succumb to dust
As the jar of poetry is upon the Crystal moonlight
A cracked blur that is declining yet shining
My form has withered  my raw lost thoughts
As  I await for secrets
I get swayed  into the twilight
Your skin radiates next to my lips
I shall dry your tears of saliva
Your violin voice makes me feel  mystical  
As the daisy's  begin to thirst,  for the purest hope of spring
The evening begins to ascend on a blue jays wing
I'm immersed into this reality
Arched into ecstasy with a exquisite sensation
I erupt into a wave that is the ground of love

Using the bailer to unload my anguish
Like when I was a small child
As the warm shore roughly views the mainland
Where I'd  sail free
Having to use the compass to find my way
I aboard yet I'm drifting away
I see a moon I don't recognize
The curves of the waves seem to fall apart
Running from the ship
Enduring my  pain

Merciless tears hollow the cadavers
Amniotic fluid erupts heavy and pallid
In this sulfur of wildflower sea
Transparent flesh kissing the mouth of ashes
As the hours grow intense
Suicidal mouthfuls of a language down on my knees
Descending mysteriously in roots as the vines bleed
The noise of limitless feathers of the heavens

Pandemonium embarks to the unforgiving provider of the flames
Dancing constantly with poverty and shame        
Cremated, tangled, and warped
Fingers, hands, and arms
This creator has wronged

Beating wings of the caged butterfly
With powder so perfect and clean
Tears begin to stain my wings
Don't smother my veins
I need some time to evolve
Shed my layers
Gathering the strength I will need  
I'm becoming speckled with shades of green
If only you could see
He unobtrusively empties my grace
I try not to encur his madness
I do have eyes I can see

I'm heading north
I will not be returning in the fall
My fragile body will soar soon
Swaying in the powder blue sky
Drinking sweet nectar

In circles I begin to glide
Dreaming of escaping this space
The freedom was always there
I know it's not right
I return
My essence is splintered  can't you see

Bloom into my cherry sea
With Fevered lips losing my way
As desperate kisses come unglued
Drink my honey milk
Dance ,swim , and sway in circles that enchant the way
******* into spiderwebs
Fingers dissipate with no trace

Dying as my eyelashes weep
Blazing dangerously in this heat
Blinding champagne spilling from the stars
Weaving hands into seconds
With the sound of the seeds
Teeth with wings that will never be seen
Oppressing the quivering restlessness
Scraped shadows unspill
Plucked colors of poison
With flesh like pockets of me

On my journey even the sorrow feels grief
As I collapse my sobriety
I try to bury the night
Full of glued eyes and swirled painted dreams
The white wind began to speak to me
Although the sunshine tried to compress  the inevitable
With measureless memories that would surround me
Quivering on the river round
My suffering is windswept out to the sea

Angels say goodnight for all eternity
Depths deepen as I collect the clouds
The heavens sprout a colorful substance I can't explain
Inside the gates I'm born slowly
As the ripped stones lead me to my path
I go forward and follow my flesh
The fluttering ghosts give me the gift of gold

I stuff you inside
Tasting and purging on your taste
Shoving down words that I never knew
I try and get further from you
But I come back again
My belly thrives because of you
Stripes that began to appear
When I see them I feel you
You are the trigger I don't need
The trouble I can't explain

Ashes dance in the air
Assembling an image in my head
Paleness on a deathless face
As I crawl to this brutal realitly
The red tears stream as I weep for you

As my sins control my afflictions
That break into unfathomable space
It sips up the universe
Lines that wash me clear

Beneath my throat
I try and undo my wounds
The beliefs that slipped away
Eating minutes
Nailed to a tree
Desperate and lonely
Who will I be ?

Whiskey beats  my neurons to hell
With the layers of the shadows
I wear to feel safe
Enduring hours of pain
Quietly and secretly tormenting me
Every time my chest forces me to breathe
This war is my inner ache  
Fathers hands researching all that I have
A craving I call my thighs
Sheltering in the fields of what remains
Praying with my forgotten  youth
Completely apart to soon  
Asphyxiating in a accumulation of body parts and debris

Swimming where the naked edge less leaves reside
Where the constellations can hide
A lost moon on this velvet night
Deteriorating with shame
Excruciating the peak of flames
I fade away into the crimson tides
Trembling towards a mystic  descending light
The Hallucinations of ******* the sunlight
Communicating beneath something oddly  familiar
Sitting with the plague
As it resides in your eyes
Serene balance of breeze
Declining to shine

The confusion sedates me
Mirrors reflect me
And I with my pain
Want to be ignored
A sinking beauty
The death daze
Forgotten and denied  
The psychosis air alluring me
My mouth hides from you
Stifles the pain
Broken angel wings that refuse to fly away
Brittle ribs with no edge
My teeth bleed
I created a place for me to be safe
This battle of mine
Consumes no calories
Hating every ounce
Non existent energry
But I'm thin and shallow
Watch me die
Let me burn
My ashes will be spread
What little is left
Let the birds eat away at me
Building a nest

The sound of passion
Proclaims to the sky sweet words of love
The  moon knows the whispers  of my  lips
Escaping the night
Dancing in my skin
Fall away from my body, face, and touch
Hands that hear me to sleep
Balance my tears on your fingertips
Holding the truth in this lost light
Preserving my wrongs

As you distort me
Eating me away
Crush my bones inhale them in a line
**** me away
Tell me a fable
Turn the time
Taste the rain
Let go of the past
I long to release these tears
Disillusioned to the truth
Consume the cells to my heart
The marrow of my path
Galvanize me with your current
Intoxicate my brain
Carve at my scars that you gave

This war professes the whispers of infatuation
A hopeful faith yearning for satisfaction
Deteriorating steps that began to  carve my way

The spirit knew he had to stay away
With visions of burning fields
As  you return from your flight
I'm condemned for the harsh tight wounds
That you created and sewed in my chest
A dress made of scars and a  lost youth

You may stay and gather
To try and survive
Although this place will beat your bare
All hours I  still wanted to come inside
You were awake hiding in a piece of a shadow
Sheltering your rage
Destroying the hunger of lies
The mystery of numb thinking

The very words that escape your throat
Lust that reflected the water onto the stones
A displaced reflection without the truth
Vomiting my beliefs of this solitary exhaustion
Petals of torment that hindered me
Trembling with a million pieces of need

Obstructed by the hostility that fulfills me
A vision of intolerance frantically spreading
The taste of callouses gathering on my tongue
I unearth the truth
Peeling the flaws of our mistakes away

Speak to the voices that live in your head
Proclaim all your secrets
So you can taste your bed
The fragile interior allows me
Reality unsettles me
As I try and come down from outer space
I’m just a displaced trace of nothing in its place
Calm your worn bones
Place them with me
Twist and distort the circles above your head
The tension you feel keeps you high
Rest your vertebrae let me sew you to sleep
Give me your veins and blood and such
I still can't find sleep
Why wont you let me erase?
Minutes and hours became my enemy
Slumber will come
Don't fret just reflect
A coma may come soon in this lack of your empty space
Lethargic if you may

I feel darker than the blue of the forget my not's
Stains of indigo  that travel through
I built a shelter just to occupy space
I shall let the wind do what the poet displays
If rain drops could be my lover
It could wash away my transgressions
The ambient light would define
What I"m forced to remember
My body feeling the truth
Forever closed in this space
Long hard tears with scars that won't erase
One trickle could free the path
Kiss away the eyes of my pain

Fevered lips
Hungered hips
My swollen teeth eat your *******
Your bones lay upon me
As you ******* milk
Humid thighs that know my secrets
Distended belly
That continues to crave
You and I

Fields of lust
A sensitive stricken hunger
Lost in anger
Stomachs and bones
This  pungent epidemic
Fevered addiction
Quivering and uncurling
Floating upon my *******
In desperate hues of color
Where the sun meets the edge
The yellow sky living in the space of a lost moon
A bird at dawn
A blue afternoon that conceals behind the wings
l shall exit above
To take this place

A crippled hysteria
Suffering is the discovery
That one is nothing but a worthless antique
Left in the filth with the fragments to  be burned
I shall decease

The sweet madness of unbalanced seas
Like a day dream illuminating towards me
Stars that melt
In the wine of day
The worlds on a journey the sea has broken it away
Curves of her back swallow me away
Through violet forests scattered the flowers
Facing the horizons and unraveling into the limits of the stratosphere
Made of petals that resmble your flawless skin
The tones are trembling and everlasting
The rivers let me sail and distant from that time
Vaguely lit by the summer moon
As the stars of sea infuse and I start to see the sky
Backwards I go emerging into sleep
Completely full of delicate pearls

Once we savored wonder
Untainted and innocent
But our thirst perished
A feverish illusion of hostility
Tears followed by memory
In a haze of righteousness  
A torrid uncertainty of misery as perceptions diminish
I segregate you
As the night falls in a sorrowful suffocating masquerade
We become souless
As we are afraid
The salvation for which we once sacrificed ourselves for
Flickers once, then dies
Devoured by a velvet somber nothingness
All hope must sicken and depart
Your essence thrives no more
Destructive thoughts surround us
Crying as we have lost our way

Crowds die whimpering
The ocean starts to decease
Wounded by love
A sweet baby bird at peace
Where loneliness is real
And moonlight dances in the air
Silent affairs across the room
Exposing the scars that hound
My body is in a cage
That feeds the burn
When time tries to make us leave
There is nothing else left to give

I was famished
As my curves started to grow
Knobby knees and a little *** belly
******* that had started to bloom
Like a seed that turned to a rose
Hair grew in places underneath
Men started to turn there heads
My dresses were getting awfully short
But momma could not afford any more
My round backside boys started to notice
I felt awkard and unaware
****** spilled over into my *******
Sitting in church thinking of how I sinned
Deep into the night
My fingers would find me
Digging desperately at this tiny spot
Over and over all the time
My salvia wetting the tips of my fingers
As I dip inside
Trying to hush my moans
Yet they escape
I wish I could ******* own
Squeezing my thighs
I was taught this is wrong
But this thrist is something I need
This obsession is the only thing I have
Into the dark with quiet thoughts and a carnal need

Debilitated beams of moonlight enter
This darkened church as I kneel
Always sorrowful, always lost
Frigid here as I wait
Tortured silhouettes fashioned in panes of glass
As dust dances in the air
Creating an image in my mind
Penetrating my humiliated flesh
With the colorlessness of humanity's face
I raise my head, now kneeling before
This merciless mortality.

Its gone
Said and done
Drunken stupor for you
Pushes me to the edge
Conceals the pain
**** the truth
My lips are burning
My organs are on fire
Swallow hard have another pill
Go to the place that you  know
Blackness taste the best
Just like china white
Mutilates my spine
Allowing you to implant this disguise
Annihilate the cells that can't speak
Asphyxiate  on your own blood and pain

I'm making love to you
As the candle light
Sways  like a graceful ballerina
Off the sweetness of your curves
I want to touch your love
Your smell flutters in the air
I reach for you desiring to behold you
Your skin so delicate and pale
I Swim into your eyes
As they take me away
I inhale our scent
As you ******* tongue
You  begin to occupy my mind
As I swirl in a river of you
Your hunger will be fed

My somber heart that desires a bond that binds
Our exhausted hands feeble like the mind
As the hours grow near  
It begins to consume my core
Time is not a friend of mine
Behold this love of mine
Shaken and frightened  in the dark
A gasp of  hollow air
As a quiet beauty reflects time
Floating in circles through a hidden dream
Inspiring  paradisaical into a mystical place

A sunflower  moon
For me to see
Hugging rocks and eating the trees
Kissing the roots
Inhaling the sea

I'm running
I'm running
To nowhere
But everywhere
Hear that sound?
It is me consuming your scars
This will be the last day you under nourish my love
Why do I have to be tied to your heart?
I want to sever the ropes
Of you and I
You have contaminated me
I yearn to ****** your brain
You malnourished and disassembled
Who I use to be

A smothering indistinctness of agony
Once we drank the innocent
Virginal and bloodless
But your thirst disintegrated
In a horrific cloud of bitterness
Follows bones to contradict the animosity
Love ground to a dust  
In a torrent of hate

The fear inside shakes me
Tormenting me
With it's cold touch
Twisting my soul
And tearing my love
Hiding underneath my blouse
Caressing my trembling raw and ****** bones

There are moments we create
Holding dear
Holding near
With expectations and hopeful dreams
The very second we foresee the future
Going with the flow with no particular place to go
But In an instant it can all be gone
I envisage being young and free
Not feeble and somber
When my days were not yet numbered
I look into the mirror
I don't recognize the person looking back at me
Perhaps I'm a ghost
Floating through this so called life
On a diet that goes directly to death
It came and took me
It came and shook me
My race is ran
My time is out
I have decayed all of what I use to have
With no longer will I crave
Take my phrases
Take my words
Bury them with me into this earth

A fetus dressed like a blue bird at night
Lungs that don't have a fight
Wings that cannot take flight
Sweet face with delicate feathers
Touching an spirit with  gods mouth
Magic upon the clouds
With a heart that will not die
But the will to survive

Without a word I fell in love
You looked at me
I forgot the past
With razors in my hands
And hate inside my heart
You gave me the reason to survive

Give me a fire to sleep in
I will be nice and warm
With no regrets if I shall die
My ashes with be buried in shattered love and open wounds
Just let me burn so I don't have to live
I have nothing to give

We all live under the same sun
Glance at the same moon
But we can't seem to agree
What would happen if we didn't have to assert?
We all felt the same
We didn't feed the hurt so it didn't grow here
Practiced humanity and learned to give
What if ?

There is a landfill


I call it my heart

How can you expect me to accept my own skin?
It left  when I started to sin
Ran from the remains of my childhood parts
Gave them to you in the silence of the dark
Let me tell you there is no drug that will dull this pain
Yet I would do it again
As you traced the freckles that cross my back
Like small ants hunting for grub
I felt special and pretty and small
I have never experienced that feeling since
Kisses that made me weak
I never felt robbed of my youth
That was how you manipulated me so
I made such a good wife in your make belief
I carry the burden for two
These bones of mine with no core left
My search for love is so unfair
Lust is all I knew
But you took it with you

When I go to sleep
I place my rib cage under my bed
My bones are heavy yet weightless
This is not the place to be
Burdened with a sorrow that devours me
It wont be long and my heart will follow
Pumping at the foot of my bed
As I lay still and hear the beat
I can feel the hesitation
I can taste the defeat

I feel sloshed but I'm sober
Now I drink you up
I could trample your ribs and vertebrae
Inhaling you into my brain
You could live here for awhile
Feeling you beneath my skin
Kicking to get relief
I feel real
On this carousel that spins with relief
I frolic and feast on your meat
Consuming you with much greed

Sitting on the front porch, the light wind is tickling my hair
I see you with the kids and think of us,  and where we have been
The life were trying to get right
We would walk the streets hand in hand
Picking daises to put in my hair
Long conversations over dinner and wine
Such a mystery you were
Years later you became defeated
That day that was tragic and real
I know that the voices admired you most
We could not escape
With medications that made you high
While others made you sleep all day
Watching your decline was so hard to see
When you painted the children's rooms
With blood that day
It was such a delightful day
We gathered in the yard
I watched the kids play
So innocent and sweet
Playing, having ***** feet
Climbing trees and chasing one another  
I relive those moments in my head

I have lost all I had
The sun has died
The clouds are not in the sky
I ran to the store the kids needed milk
How they drank it to grow
Big and strong just like dad
You seemed better to me
Home from the hospital
The doctor promises your medications are right
I'm tired and drained
I leave the kids at your side
Who would have thought that day would be


Searching the house looking for them
I see a blood filled shoe
Tiny hand prints and torn skin
I ***** all that I have  
My body seems to shut down
I fall to the ground feeble with pain
An unimaginable disgusted and hopeless feeling
I sob and scream
Please God, this has to be a bad dream
I run to the phone, I know its to late
My little tiny angels that I need
I weep everyday since they been gone
Why couldn't I be the one

I suffer everyday and think of them so
He sits in a hospital but I refuse to go
Voices are so strong , perhaps he didn't know he was wrong
My life is done I'm not complete
I shall go to sleep
With a bottle of ***** and his medications
I go falling slowly then quickly I descend
I see three beautiful faces my babies once again

I tiptoed with my bare feet into your soul
With tiny secrets we keep
I swam inside your stomach
I wanted to know
Tenderly I approached your wounds
But my mouth couldn't heal
The quiet love we made with hush tones and make belief

I sit in the pew
Early Sunday morning
Looking at everyone dressed so nice
With thoughts invading my mind
Some are impure yet, I continue to pray
With my hands trembling
I wish he knew
As little children try not to make a sound
They stomp their little feet upon the ground
There parents say hush
I really hope you are here
Watching over me in this cruel complicated world
If he knew I was here
I would be black and blue
This is the only place, where I feel peace and new
Among people who really care
Not like him with his commands
As he would yell sit in that chair
Dinner can't be cold or else I would get it
I had to do everything for him on command
I make the trip home after church
Feeling a little better, I had some time
He will be home soon with whiskey on his lips
Then he would force me to kiss
Its the same old story all over again
I prepare the house and lunch for him
I can't eat my stomach hurts again
He was so rough when he took me to bed
My thighs are bruised and my *******
I have impure thoughts that God may not like
But I want to destroy this man
I don't want to lose my sense of faith
I hear his truck come up the drive
It takes several minutes for him to step inside
He slams the porch door, and stomps his feet
So angry not like little children's feet
My heart starts to race, as he approaches me with a raised fist
He don't hit me instead he laughs
Calls me a coward and a *******
What is for lunch he asks with a grunt?
I say I made some soup and ground sandwich spread
Well he replies,  I know what your going to eat
He says sit in that chair
As he unzips his pants
They fall quickly past his waist
He shoves my face into his groin
Good girl work me until I finish
My stomach is churning with the taste of him
When he is done he says, later you will do it again
As I go to stand up,  from the chair he hits me out of nowhere
Next time you need to act like you enjoy it you hear?
I shake my head and eat my tears
As the week past
I attended church
Sat in the same pew
Looked at children so innocent and sweet
With my trembling hands and my nervous feet
This was not going to happen again
And God already knew
I have tried so hard to please you
God I know thou shall not ****
But please allow me a place in heaven
Because hell is where I live
With my sore ribs and blacked eye, I trudge home bible at my side
I prepare lunch and wait for the door to slam
That taste of him that makes me sick
But today is different and he don't know
I have his 30 odd six he uses for deer
If only he knew
After he eats and goes to sit in his chair
He starts to drift off from to many beers
That whiskey kiss that I won't miss
I take that 30 odd six he uses for deer
Put it to his head, and say wake up dear
Now its my time to make this right
You put me through hell and tried to ruin my life
I close my eyes for just a second
And fired that gun
As the blood rushed out of him ,he fall off the chair
Well God I know that was not right
But I would rather sit in jail , then be confined here with him
I will serve my time that is nothing new
So sick of being abused
He is laying on the floor,his blood starts to ooze
I don't want to waste my time watching you die
I have my lunch and feel as free as a bird
I have strength
I never knew
When I called the local police
They came to the house and he was already dead
I confessed what I did so they took me in
My heart felt heavy but no remorse
He was not a man he was evil and unkind
You may of bruised my sense of body and mind
But I'm going to be stronger with you gone
You will not ever erase my faith  
If only you knew