You torment me

I love you

You destroy me

I love you

You desecrate me

I love you

You puncture my heart

I love you

You take my spirit

I love you

You blacken my eyes

I love you

You break me

I love you

You make me fragile

I love you

You take away everthing that is good

I love you

I cant possibly love me

You take everything I am

Every little piece of me

Shatter me like a cracked mirror

I shall lay on the floor

Broken and distrubed

Who are you to leave me this way?

The anger and hurt you had was far to much

I expose myself to you fully and complete

I was naive and weak

Wounded and hurt almost like make belief

Why did I allow this injustice to happen

I couldnt possibly respect who I am

Or what I allowed you to become

I am done

Vibrant

Young

Free

Never to return

I shall flee

Broken beautiful exquisite love

Shall spill into a replusive attention

Until great destructive exterior fades

Awakes you

These moments

Delight yet torment

Sweet open wounds

Unable to heal

Revolting the things you done

Lost secrets gone from here

I seldom smile

I feel so disrupted from who I am

And what I have become

You cant repair damage that is done

Run and be free

Drink up what use to be my love

Do not give it back to me

Can we be free

Have unity

No war just peace

Accept others for who they are

Let everyone be real

Hold hands in church with the person next to you

Watch children grow teach them morals and beliefs

Held them  let them  become the future

So we could be proud

Educate one another about our backgrounds

Be proud of our color

Not to be ashamed because of our mothers

Love and embrace

Let everyone have a chance to be strong

Go to places and visit lost souls

The old man down the road who lost his wife

Lost his essence lost  his soul

Volunteer your time to help someone in a shelter

Be kind and be true

One day we will all leave this earth

And reside in a home together

Why not get along now

Lets recover

I shall stand beside you

I will honor you

Let you have a voice

Let you speak your mind telling stories of when you were 9

Your golden hair is so pretty and pure

I lost myself in the blue of your eyes

I have no self control when it comes to you

I hold our baby son he is all you

My insides weep for the day that we found out

You may die

Gathering the strength we had and moved forward

I didnt think it would last that maybe it would go away

I watch you everynight as your weary head hangs low

Amazing your still so strong

I cant let you go you belong with me

What to do if you leave

I'll have no purpose or no cause

I just want to spend my days with you

I bring you daisys your favorite flower

You smile at me like no other

Your hands are feeble you try and hold our son

He is getting to be to much for you

He just started to run

I know that you are ready

This seems like a lie

Maybe someone isnt telling the truth

There is a cure and it could work for you

Years of memories

I stand beside you as you close your eyes saying your goodbyes

One day I will be with you again

I'll love you until the end

I will honor who you are and tell our son about his mom

I cant even look at him without feeling sad

I will try and be the best dad

I stand beside you even after your gone

Loving you so much

Missing your touch

When the angel wings touch you as you fly with them

I will know that your safe

You dont hurt there is no more disease

Just a little girl about 9 or so

Playing in the fields

Letting the daisys tickle her toes

I shall love you

So I will let you go

I think I expose myself to you

Show you that I can be weak

Let you control me

Hurting me so I feel something real

I cut my skin it bleeds just so

Scars that are visible mean that much more

My breathing becomes so shallow

When you reach  for me

I watch you and study you as you sleep

I simply wonder what all of this means

Whiskey lingers on my lips

I want to collide into your world

Making you mine

Swallow who you are

Tasting your scar

Me and you in a world full of hurt

When my voice will be discovered

Some day some time

You are almost like a ghost

Do you exist or not?

I am simply amazed at your ways

Lets just hold one another let things be fine

Tenderly  as you destroy me

And all my worth

You are like everything I have ever needed,wanted or desired

Like the 4th of July

Or  a cool soothing rain

You are the reason I exist

The sun that sets way up in the sky

Your my dream come true

Almost to good to know

Its like Christmas every single day

I shall let you unwrap me discover what it means

I let you live in me

See inside my heart

The wind tickles across my face as I step out into the winter night

Your arms embrace me

Making  me need you more

You sleep so peacefully I watch your eyelashes against your skin

Fall in love with you all over again

Wake up in our babies arms

I dont wish for you to be any different then you already are

I will shout I love you from the highest mountain top

I am the luckiest girl

The stars in the sky couldnt make me any happier and

Your the reason why

What is the truth?

Who are we to decipher what is hidden inside

To make up the rules of what is believed to be the truth

Prehaps mine are different then yours

Sometimes I just want to give it all up

Head out the door

So many others telling me what to do

Want to hear the truth

Smell it on my tounge

Whiskey will do it

It always speaks for me

Not afraid of ones feelings

Makes it short and sweet

You have a simple choice either accept me for me

Or leave

Shall I repeat myself so that you understand

I will not be afaid of the certainty that I come to believe

Its all I can be

It is all ME

Do you want to know about me?

Want to hear secrets that I keep ?

Then when I go to sleep I weep

That my soul is invisible

When I start to fall I let myself go

I believe in aura's and spirits and so

My purpose is unknown at this time

I feel lonely even in ones embrace

My mind goes in a million different directions

That I hate it here at my place

I smile to fool whats hidden inside

That my body is feeble like as if I died

The mirror tells lies

Photographs of me make me feeel unsettled

Where did I go and when did I even start to leave ?

Can I place a missing persons report for me?

Maybe I can be found if I start to look around

Prehaps I could stumble upon some sort of truth

Something that defines me

Do I have a talent I just haven't found ?

When I'm too weary I just dont know

Let it

Let me

Let it all go

In the room where I lie down watching the machines hooked up to you

Veins that  look like they could cry

I wonder if this is what it feels like being a victim

Somehow so unaware I wish it could end

They poke at you many times a day

Your insides eaten away

Medicines that are suppose to heal  they hurt and harm your spirit

Why do I feel like this is so unfair such a short time

In a world that suppose to be so big

Nothing to settle the true pain of whats inside my heart

The torment you endure daily

Comes with ease from you

I try to settle my mind with thoughts of being able and cured

My body is feeble not my mind

These eyes know more than you think they do

Dont let this old weathered face fool you

I am sharper than I look

The hallways are so long although they go nowhere

I close my eyes and dream of being young

Skating, running and being  foolish having fun

Moments that I  imagine so vividly and true

My friend in the bed next to me told me stories of war and hurt

Saving others lives and working the front line

Seeing people die right in front of your eyes make you aware

We talked about what life was in the good old days

We seen each other undressed and were not ashamed

At night time we would chat for hours on end

You were my only friend

I love and miss that old guy

A man comes in dressed in black

Has a gurney with a velvet cloth

They cover my old friend with just a sheet

Cover his eyes now he cant see

Pick him up with no gentleness

Just take him away like he was nothing

After he is gone I watch out the window

The hearse is gone yet the tracks from the gurney remain

Fresh in the snow two thin lines

That carried him away

Tommorow I will have someone new

In the mean time I wish I could go be with

I shall dance in the morning light

Let you embrace me make it all right

Watch the snow trickle down into the yard

Having no disregard  

It destroys me the news we recieved

I don't know if I could handle living without you

You have been the solider that protected me so

I pray that you will never have to go

Everyone says he is the best they have

Very knowledgeable in his field

Do you think this one time he could be wrong ?

He isn't god

With me and the kids  is where you belong

I can't bear the thought of  losing you

My dearest friend

I may never laugh again

Or smile when I hear our song

Please this one time let the doctors be wrong

I keep thinking of the moments we have had

The ones that I replay over and over in my head

Watching you with the children  amazes me so

Your so full of patience and strength

Your the man I know

I needed you the moment I first layed my eyes on you

We had to make plans that I predicted wouldn't happen until we were old

Being 34 is to young to go

Letting you walk away is the hardest thing to do

I know baby your so tired of all of this

I believe in you and will tell the kids everynight

Sweet kisses I will miss

Some things I said  I will always regret

Fly with the angels

Drift into the clouds

One day I will come and be with you

Await for me

My  love will never cease

When I see you again you will know it's me

My love is wrong

My love is mistaken

Its frightened

Its GONE

I cocoon myself into what I perceive

I am weary not WISE

Losing  it all nobody by my side

You say you know me

What I am all about?

I wonder have you really ever taken the time?

Could you live without me?

Without my abuse?

My smile could heal and soothe if I let it

I dont have any words to even say

Words are overrated I hate it that way

My eyes speak so many languages

Some that are not real

Everyday I need and try to escape this place

Where do I turn where there in nobody around?

I am lonely and have no cause

What ever happen to the ones who needed me near?

Fragile and seperate from my very own being

I have no sense of purpose

No pride

Where shall I go ?

To continue the search for myself

When in the end I will be left empty handed

Cold and tormented and no place left to GO

You lay there like an angel

Something so exquisite

I can't let you go

I touch your still frame

Why did you do this ?

I  caress you just to see if you stir

You have been my everything for so long

Your hair is flowing

Angel wings protruding like the  ribs on your back

Starved  for attention

I wrap my arms gently around your soul

Whisper into your ear "Why baby did you let go?"

There are traces of white dust on your perfect little nose

The void in your eyes will never leave my mind

I always thought you were perfect

Now just so still like an angel ghost

My baby darling I'm  left behind

As you lay perfectly still

I say some prayers hoping someone,  somewhere can hear

I lift my arms so gently into the air

Smell the linger of your perfume coming  from your hair

Look into your delicate face one more time

From that moment you leave

I have never been able to replace you

I am not flawless nor do I claim to be

I am proud of the fact that I am a woman in deed

My body isn't small in fact I'm wide

I have large hips and a full chest

I am not one of these girls that walk around and pretend to be unreal

Nor do I want to be perfect because skinny girls hurt too

It dont make you any prettier than me

When a man holds me he can feel complete

I will represent all that is true

That loving someone regardless of there size is the TRUTH

I purge you everyday to free you from my mind

I am ready to explode

Frantic manic and cold

My how I  have grown old

I wake up with nobody next to me

I try to sleep yet I wake

Somehow can I escape

From this awful dream that is my LIFE

I may not be delicate or sweet

I am not thin or tall

What I am is unique

Not afraid to show

What's  important

What makes my soul

Is it the way my blue eyes sparkle

The way my body dances when your near  

Or is it something more sincere like a smile or a look  

Maybe its that you make me feel beautiful inside

That I am far from perfect except in your eyes

You see me from a whole different point of view

That in your world I am the princess the dream come true

But deep inside my very spirit are things that only  you discover

And with that I shall adore you like no other

I breathe

I need

I succeed

I bleed

I beg

I promise

I experience

I contain

I feel

I grasp

I control

I excel

I accomplish

I'm real

I'm me

I'm free

I bleed

I SHALL NEVER SPEAK

MY WORDS YOU DOUBT

THINK I AM SIMPLE

THAT I DONT CARE ABOUT

MY SILENCE SHALL SCREAM

IN THIS LOST WORLD OF UNSPOKEN DREAMS

I SHALL SHOUT

FOR YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

ME OR WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT

I CLOSE MY EYES SO I DONT HAVE TO SEE

THAT YOU ARE GOING CRAZY

AND I CANT BE

I awaken a frail poet
Writing dissolves love
As one dances to his death
Under fresh flowers
Conceals the light of poetry

Have you seen my home?

It use to be a place for me  

But now it's at the bottom of this bottle

I let it burn all the way through

Touching and  teasing my tongue with ease

My eyes seep with tears make me weak in my knees

Have you seen me?

I use to be alive

Now I am not found

If you see me remind me

I use to be new

There is a heaven that only I know exists

It's early in the morning

When everything is fresh and new

I step outside and inhale the soil of the earth

My search for you

Maybe over there in the flowers you are  

Or the new grass all bright and tall

Do you hear me whisper your name ?

Sometimes in the evening I can feel you in the rain

When your gone so far away

I just ask you to remember me

I'll do the same

I lay on this bed of needles

Inject you into my veins

I want to feel you crave me

Want to feel the pain

You will have withdrawals

When I'm gone

It's so lonely when you can't have

All that you need

Suffer alone without all the speed

I reach out to you

Deep inside my soul

Deep inside of you

To forgive you

But what happened was so disgusting

I cant barely look at you

I wear my best disguise

I know you did wrong

Why you were just a child yourself

Did someone hurt you ?

Shame you?

Blame you?

I reach my arms up to the sky

Looking for forgiveness

So I can be free

Deep

Dark

Pain


Broken

Lost

In

time



wash

away

my

beliefs

with

this

empty

glass

of mine

give me

a

pill

so

I

can

be numb

for a hour or two

listen to my soul cry

pages turned in this book

of time

slowly moving

escape the rain

It was an cold November morning

The snow was just so

My heart was fretful

It was written in stone

Maybe I was wrong

I didn't belong

I missed you

Like the day misses night

I could hear your cry hear your screams

I just ask for you to leave

Everytime I look in your eyes

I get lost at my cost

Collect all my tears

Swim to the sea

Looking for something to complete me

Can I reach out and embrace you?

Put my hands together and pray

Does he forgive me ?

Do I have a reason ?

I am just a shadow in the middle of the rain ?

Gone and faded  is all that I bleed

In a room full of people I don't exist

This pain that seems to rob me of happiness

Is about to **** me **** me of my will

I have no challenge

I shall die

Nothing to stop this insanity of mine

Shall I fly?

When there is lies and all I wont is the truth

No blue skies looking down on me

No sunshine to brighten the day

No hero's here  just one person remains

And he will never change

There is silence in the place where I belong

Release it don't be scared

I inhale to try and find you hidden inside of me

Perhaps you are there but not to be found

This all has exhausted me

Tearing at my soul

Although I cant seem to let go

All the false pretenses

No salvation no coming back

I try to find myself everyday

Its all that I bleed

No strength to swim

No need to recover

From this empty heart of mine

I gave it to you

It should of been FINE

Somewhere in time

The truth is where its at

All of these moments

Perhaps were rare and that's that

When I try and discover the matter of it all

All I seem to find is nothing at all

So I ask myself so softly is this really worth it

Do I continue to struggle to prove whats meaningful

I may judge

I may be abrupt

Yet I manage to hold my soul inside my hands

Not letting it go

I do not whisper in the shadows

Or look beyond the sunken sky

I only wonder what happened to you and I

When did my search be empty as can be?

Did someone forget about me?

I shall not forget the darkness for it always prevails

But I can only be what is  true  for me

Another woman who struggles everyday

To weep among the lonely

Fight with no gain

Celebrate on the outside as I slowly melt away

At night as I lay next to you

Feeling the warmth of your soul embrace me

I think of him

How he would feel

His lips with mine

Our bodies together as one

My hands touching his sensual lips

As I listen to your breath

I feel him

He dances slowly over my body

I tremble with desire

I yearn

I wait

This urgency inside of me erupts

I lay with you

Feeling you against me

I brush against my own breast to feel alive

Wishing for something toxic

That would force  you away

Not today for its not a day for passion

Or a day of yearn

Just another day

For maybe I shall learn

Writing gives me a reason why

It gives me a reason to survive

Putting my words on paper

Perhaps I shall not die

The purpose is to reveal the  truth

That hides inside and masks the lies

Words form to be my salvation

You tell me why

I unravel as I unfold
The layers of youth
Go so untold
I handle your soul with the tips of my fingers
Holding your heart as it falls into a million little parts
Let go face the truth
Own your voice and what is real
Why forsake what you deserve?
The question is forgotten and we get left behind
Then my insides will scream
Not to be divine
Devastate
Tolerate
Infuriate
Procasinate it's what you do

His muse
Gently sweeps her heart
A poet with mystery
Gone behind the shadows
Opens the soul
Creating magic by love
The way of the wind
Shines upon us

Feel human in this air
I shed this skin of mine
Try maybe one more time
All those sleepless nights
When the darkness seemed so bright
I was flushed and full of pain
Burning every cell of my being one at a time
Have you seen the thin walls that cover my mind?
I may have to escape
Search for me
Search for the truth
  I will look for my youth
I want to crawl out of myself
Disappear
I shall be careful
I can’t let it be
Expose my secrets and all my woes
I shall be delicate  with sleeves to cover the veins that eats me alive and makes a  mess
The pills that threaten to take  my insides out
Destroying everything so far apart
In the blood the  torment its all mine
Nobody wants to share this burden of mine
Lucid pain
Sweetness in the tall summer grass
Making shadow puppets
Time goes so fast
I run in the rain
Taste the night on my tongue

In the depth of the night

In the still of the shadows

I yearn for your touch

The smell of your musky skin

Through tiny sacred touch

You tantalize me

Like wind through morning skies

Fresh clouds embrace me

We gaze with hunger

We dance in depth

Where beauty lingers

A sad soul listens

Entwine drink my skin

Worship my flesh with your warm lips

Use rhythm and fly

Just fly away

The question I have is simply quite easy
Why would you love someone less ?
If they didn’t conform to your ideas
Why can’t others believe what they want ?
Who are we to say what is right and what is wrong
Is the color of your skin different than mine?
That’s alright we will be fine
I would help you in a instant
If I love the same *** will you hate me?
Looking at me with shame?
Lets all come together
Get and love what we desire

Art is what pieces of me
Pieces of junk
My soul scattered laying on the floor  
Can’t see what’s real
You can’t make sense of what I have to say
I need to try and speak
Turn me inside out
Explore all that I need

Delicious beauty burns about
Kissing the shadows frantically
Void only time when bare winds blew
Smooth winter stars
Irons out the cool rusted lies spoken
I am behind my sadness
Heave about my madness
A soul that dont exist
Whisper sad nothings underneath the moon

Did you hear the stars whisper that I love you?
I talked to the moon and he insisted I was insane
Although there are moments when I truly wonder am I?
Here I am looking up at the sky for my answers
Attempting to run but I always return
Running back to you looking up at the moon
Tell me you love me everyday at noon
Lets not repeat a thing but love so much it makes us shy
I want to discover you all over again
I’ll dive inside of you and swim like you’re the sea
Lets go into a cave and feel one another in the dark
Unfamiliar fingers exploring my untame heart
Escape into our world let our passions be free
Together just you and me

Love is not easy it is like a complicated textbook full or rules and messages I cannot get
I don’t know what the reason for is but I don’t like to read it
So many times, I have tried to understand but always end up with unanswered questions
Why do you treat me so harsh why do you leave me in the dark?
I try to explore your heart and you leave mine in two
We have made passionate love I have touched you so much I know the outline of your beautiful strong face by heart
The shape of your lips and the way they intertwine in mine
As soon as we do this you run
Hiding in the dark with your heart in the palm of your hand
Secrets that lie with you and sometimes it’s your excuse
Say you love me and everything will be ok
I am here with my soul bare and my ******* exposed
Where do I go when you have no soul?
Romance makes me feeble and I will melt into you
Therefore, like a book I do not know all the rules
I try to figure it out every single day
What is love and why does it make me feel this way?
Is it when you roar at me with anger?
Or when you touch me softly
Is it harsh words or moments when we agree with one another?
I do not know the definition of love
It is when I cry myself to sleep
Or when I am swollen and my eye is black from you
Maybe that its
Remember when you would wake me in the middle of the night to look at the stars
You would wrap your arms around me and hold me tight
At that moment I thought everything was right
You would braid daises together for me to wear in my hair
I would playfully dance around outside that moment felt right
I feel broken I feel like I am half alive
I would read to you late at night my poetry or Poe
Candles would dance next to the bed and I would lay with you
You would read my palm or tarot cards it would tell us of an unsettling future
Yet I did not believe because I have even reached the first page in the book of love
If only I had known I would have never read that book
There would be no rules and love would be easy
You would undress me before you even met me
No surprises no rough hands just take me as I am
Love me for being childish get lost in my eyes
Hold me like no tomorrow
Just do not break me I do not like to feel half-alive
Kiss me and love me once again before things got broken
Before my souls come undone

Your light whispers surround my heart
Words like music laughter so kind
I hold you my beautiful woman
You enrapture me
My soul smiles because of you
You refresh me like wild flowers after a rain
Holding me so tender just the same
I swim in your hair like the great sea of love
Life is fragile and so blinding
You were taken from me in a matter of time
Life became invaded like death by war
A shadow that crept and took you so far away
Burning black into my being
My senses don't even seem quite the same
Sometimes I can smell your sweetness in the air
Trying to convince myself that prehaps you are there
I ask myself why didn't she take me away with her?
Terrorized by the blackness that surrounds me
I do not sleep at night
A terrible monster was thrown inside of me so violently
It is invading my heart so silently

Absurd angry harmony
My empty pictures appear like drunken music
Full of surreal balance
Imagine every artist performing passion through procreation
An old **** canvas asking to paint a masterpiece
Living silhouettes turning into a symbol of experiment
A smear of sculptures sold by the starving
Hidden by the lies

Like a gypsy I move
Dancing around in the light
Feeling the fallen night
I uproot all that I believe
Pound my fists just to prove my point
I anger so quickly since you went away
Parts of me feel so free
Yet if I had you it would only be you and me  
What is this I made what did I create?
I feel so feverish I’m so weak
I use to read you like my favorite book
I would  trace your face with my finger tips
Now it all seems so dim
I cant leave you alone
I need to inhale your scent
Maybe I’m wrong
But what is it that people need to know
You know me best
You make me tick
I don’t want to pretend anymore that you don’t exist
I know the truth and that’s all that matters

I have stolen from everyone I know
I rip at the soul until it bleeds
On the ocean in the breeze
I swim frantically although I can’t move
I can no longer see
I hear the drumming of that old guitar
I look around but your to far
A ways into the wind
The deafening silence where no words are spoke
And sound is not my friend

In your head dispose me
Break the balance  
Everytime shared was time wasted
**** exposed as you tasted my *******
Your tounge exploring and longing
For what was once yours
The very symbol of what I represented
Is not what it use to be
Photographs lay scattered about
Torn and feeble like our soul
You decay
I bloom and fly away

Love is my religion

Its what I do best

Its the hunger that invades me

Its what knows me best

Grabs me by my inner soul

Holds me tight wont let me go

The strength is has astonishes me so

You cant hold it inside your hands

Or put it on a shelf to admire

Its subtle yet strong

Sometimes may be wrong

But its what I do and where I belong

The music settles into my soul I hold you not wanting to let go
I may not know for certain
What will happen in my life
I know for a fact I adore you
As the candle light dances off our bodies
We make one I look into your eyes
Needing your touch one more time
To make sense of this life of mine
To answer all my why's
Deep into the night
Its you I want to see in the morning light
And in the evening making it all right
Touch my face hold me as close as you can
You make me feel youthful in so many ways
Make me alive
I'll make you mine

A million times I have touched your face

Studied you like a piece of art

Felt your skin on my fingertips

Admired you looked into your eyes

Could always tell if you lied

Never mistaken you for someone else

I remember all the tears you have shed

Loved you for long

Even in your darkest times

Held you safely when you were afraid

Embraced you

Because you are ME