That moment when panic strikes,
those voices creeping in,
from the shadows of your brain.
Weaving their ribbons of doubt,
whispering to you their deadly sins.

Make the cut
Tighten the rope
Take the dive.

Just close your eyes
block 'em out
Breath in
You can do this
You're stronger then them.

Push them away
Make 'em run
with their tails between their legs.

When Panic sets in
It's easy to cave.
To listen to the voices
sweet like candy.

But it's just candy coated doom.
Hold onto your will
You can do it I believe in you
You'll come out of this
A Winner.

When she smiles she lights up the room
a 100 watt smile blazzing with power

when that smile disappeared
it was like living in hellish darkness

It went away for so long
I thought it was lost forever

But now that smile has come again
brighter and wider then ever before

I have never seen her this happy
I've never seen her glow like this

She blushes just at the sound of her name
her love shining through everything she does

When Summer smiles
it's better then cloud nine

I'm so happy for her
I'm so glad her smile is back

Sit on your lap
with my head on your chest.
I reach down to touch you.
You instantly grow.

You ease me down,
Not wanting to be teased.
Take off my dress,
*******, licking, and *******.

Moaning and screaming.
I start to get wet and hot.
***** as can be.
Begging for you to **** me.

You sit back and let me get on top.
I shove you in far and deep.
Riding you as fast as I can.
Making you shudder.

You push me against the wall.
Grounding yourself in as hard as you can.
Biting my lip trying not to scream to loud.
Your hard **** throbbing inside me.

Pulling out,you put your **** in my opened mouth.
I move back and forth my tongue caressing your hardness.
You grow and grow and start to throb.
I want you back within me.

"**** me baby hard and Deep"
You shove back in as hard as you can.
rough and deep
We go to the extreme.

Tie me up and have your way.
Naughty things we try.
Not caring about our screams.
******* not wanting to stop.

Explode together,
Not taking notice not wanting to stop.
Going for another round.
"Baby have your way."

Explode again,
Breathless we stop.
Aching and spent.
Your **** still throbbing.

I put you back in my mouth.
Growing and throbbing,
I make you shudder,
Knowing what will happen next.

When you love someone
you'd do anything to protect them.
To make them happy and feel loved.
You would do anything to see them smile,
and keep the tears away.

Their
trust,
love
and respect
is reward enough.

If you really love someone,
hurting them would be impossible,
it would **** you just to think about it.

So my question is.....

....... Does he Really Love me?

Where did my sister go?
I barely see her anymore
Have I done something wrong?
We use to be so close, our secrets we once shared.
Now It's like pulling teeth to get her to talk to me.
Plans We make vanish to the winds,
Our little show hung up to dry.

She sits next to me the computer screen lighting up her face,
but she might as well be a thousand miles away from me
Lost to me in her wrold of Tecnology.
Has she outgrown me?
No longer in need of her big sister?

Am I being childish? selfish?
Am I being Paranoid?
I dont know
But what I do know is
I
Miss
My
Sister
Terribly

The only place I feel safe
Is in your tight embrace.
The only place I belong
Is by your side.

Nothing else matters
When I'm with you.
All my problems and fears
vanish in your presence.

I feel like a somebody
when you're with me.
I feel important and special
when I'm around you.

No one has ever made me feel this way.
Then you came along and everything changed.
Suddenly my dark world found the light.
And I finally felt like I belonged.

He looks up at me with pleading eyes.
I stare down at him with a harsh glint in mine,
a cruel smile spread across
my ruby red lips.

kneeling at my feet
groveling his sorrows
begging his regreat.

I just stare down at him
thoughts swirling around
my sadistic riddled brain.

I unfurl the whip
letting it slowly make its way to the floor
a Sudden sharp cruel snap
rings through the air.
As I slap it against the ground

*I am your mistress Now

My Whole Heart
Is beating for you
And only you
Your name is whispered
Throughout it

My soul woke up
The moment my eyes
Fell upon you
It aches to feel your
Presence every day and night

My being craves
Your touch
The shivers it creates
The feeling of belonging
I get when I'm in your arms

All these little things
They all add up
To a simple solution
Do you know what that is?
I'll tell you

I love you
With my whole
heart
Soul
And being

My heart woke up
the day I met you
your name is whispered
through it beating through it
My heart
it beats
only for you

My soul came alive
the day I met you
It met its other half
connecting so perfectly
no longer
broken
completly repaired

My being started living
the day I met you
It hums in anticepation
when ever your around
it craves your touch
dancing across
my skin

All these things add up
to one  little thing
do you want to know what?
its simple really

I love you
With my whole
Heart
Soul
and
Being

Why cant you just see.
that I am not the person
you claim me to be?

She's cracking
like a fractured window.
One gentle touch
and she will come crashing down.
All her hopes and dreams
shattering
into a million sparkling pieces.
Soon,
there will be nothing left of her.
Just an empty soul
with nothing left to live for.

Wings Wrapped around me

Oh so Tight

Which use to give me

Joy and Light

Feathers are fading

darkness is growing

I know I've lost

this fight

Wings are tattered

Dull with Pain

Flames will soon ignite.

As I step outside,
the frosty air nips at my nose.
The weak sun hits the lawn,
Making it sparkle like thousands of crystals.

The slippery ice threatens,
to make me fall and slid.
I breathe out my mouth,
and watch the breath float in gray puff.

The wind swirls around me,
In a winter ballet.
The trees swaying,
to and fro.

No sounds can be heard,
as I walk quickly up the street.
The gray sky looks peaceful,
as if its hibernating.

The air is chilling me,
right down to the bone.
The wind keeps dancing,
and kissing me with its Winter kiss.

Only getting half an hour of sleep
Down an AMP
Liquid energy

Walk on to work
Knee give out
Sprain and twist
ankle and knee

Body tired
eyes dropping low
Amp buzzing through my veins
So Wired its comical

Every time my eyes drift close
PING
They pop wide open

I'm Wired and Tired
And I'm ready to go.

He taught me how to love again.
To Open my heart to someone.
He gives me the respect that I never knew before.
He treats me like I'm his number one priority.

In his arms is where I find my safe place.
I can break down and cry and know it's OK.
He's there for me no matter what.
His love for me is greater then anything.

Whenever I'm around him my heart starts skipping beats.
I can barely control my urges to kiss him.
When I'm with him I can't help but say "I Love You."
But I really want to say "I'm in love with you."

His touch sends shivers of longing down my spine.
When he kisses me I always ache for more.
With him I can let my guard down.
And finally be the real me.

Love use to scare me, But with him I embrace it.
He makes me feel alive.
With him I feel safe, Like nothing can hurt me.
And I know this is only the beginning.

Life without your love
Is no life at all

All it is is an empty existance
deviod of all emotions.

Without your love
my life is meaningless

Just a hellish life,
worthless.

You dear lady
are easier then
The first level
Of Mario.

Wooden structure that plagues my mind
I sit and watch them tear you down
Rip up your swing set, crush your slide
It's all to much I just want to cry

You were the one my grammy took me too
My cousins And I ran around your grounds
Our laughter now haunts your gravesite

They said you were getting too old
creaking dangerously and giving kids splinters
Parents were yelling at you left and right
But I rememeber you in all your glory

You're tire swing and glimming slides
the "wave" bridge and the little cubby holes
The ones that were perfect for hide and seek games.

But now you are gone,
torn down and thrown away
Crazy colored plastic now resides
where you once stood so tall

Even though you are gone
You will never be forgotten
The joy you brought will forever be treasured

Stupid Little child
Stop acting like your opinions
are better then everyone elses
It jsut makes you look pathetic

Let the unspoken
truth be heard.
Let the words
pass by my lips.
I love you.

Our love is like a bull in a china shop.
Where your words are the bull
And my heart is the china.

You tell me
"I love you"
"Youre worh waiting for"

the words "I love you"
Isnt enough anymore
Every letter every syllable
Sears into my heart
Cracking it like glass

I need you here with me
I need to feel your touch
To remember what its like
Before my shattering heart explodes

I think i finally understand that song
The one where she sing
"Killing me softly .. With his words"

I wont give up, I never will.
I'd rather die inside
Then let you go.
Im just terrified
Thats just whats going to happen.

No matter how small
Or un important
you think you are

You mean something to someone
even if you don't know who

It may be a stranger you pass every day
It may be the girl at the coffee shop
or the boy with the hoodie you see on the bus

You are IMPORTANT
Even if you don't believe

There is NO
Good
Or
Evil
In this world

Just
Shades
Of Grey

My body is drained
my body is screaming pain
Head
side
knee
ankle
throat
tungue
wrist
ear

this dizzy feeling
it wont lift.
My vision blackening
as the dizzy spell hits

fatigue is closing in.
My eyelids fighting
to stay open.
Losing with each passing minute.

My stomach churning
turning against itself.
threatening to spill its contents.

tears leak out
streaming down my face.
my anxeity shot through
My poor body is worn out.
its needs a break.
it needs a rest.
******
why
can
I
just
get
a
break?

Push me down on my knees
Tie me up
I am at your mercy

Master I am yours
yours to do with
as you so please

Whip me
spank me
bite me

I will do
whatever you
want me to

I am your submissive
my only response
to you

is
Yes
Master

Please.
Please whisper in my ear
that you care.
Hold my hand
and tell me you'll always be there.
Walk with me
and never look back.

This is a Pregnancy loss Poem that is quite long. I wanted to warn ahead of time in case of triggering topics!



You dont know what its like
To have millions of dreams for the future
and then have them ripped away from you
all in a blink of an eye.

You dont know what its like
to love a tiny human you havent even met yet
just to have to say goodbye
before you even said Hello.

You dont even know what its like
To give birth to your child
just to hear *"she's gone"
and cry like your heart has been ripped out.

You dont know what its like
to go home with empty arms
when all you want to do
is cling to your child.

You dont know what its like
To never hear their first cry
or laugh, or see their first smile
or  hear their first "I love you mommy/Daddy".

You dont know what its like
to feel like you failed your child
when they needed you the most
and hear the words "there is nothing you can do"

You dont know what its like
to hold your child's urn and sob
Sob for the life you never met
sob until there are no more tears left

You dont know what its like
to wake up in the middle of the night
from a horrible nightmare
only to realize it's actually your new reality

You dont know what its like
to feel like there is a hole in your heart
that doesnt seem to ever heal or lessen
but seems to grow deeper with each breath.

You dont know what its like
to be jealous of the people around you
Holding and showing their newborn babies
and Screaming *"ITS NOT FAIR!"

You dont know what its like
To be told *"GOD HAD A REASON"
and wanting to scream
"You're god must be cruel to want my child dead!"

You dont know what its like
To be stuck in so much pain
and watch the world around you move on
Terrified you're child will soon be forgotten by them.

You dont know what its like
to be so Terrified to talk about them
becuase you dont want to make others uncomfortable
But it pains you deeply to be silent

You dont know what its like
to wake up each morning knowing
your baby is no longer with you,
that you have to keep going on without them

And if you know what it is like
I am so Terribly Sorry for your pain
No one and I mean NO ONE
Should have to go through this pain.
I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy

I guess you cant see
the pain in my eyes
Or  hear
the pain in my voice
or the pain
I hide in my text

Where are you
when I really need you?

I need you now
I need you to be there

Where are you?

I shake my head at you
Your eagerness is charming
Your willingness overpowering

You're much to eager
to jump in this world
Like a child cannon balling
into the Pool
creating ripples
whereever he goes

Your much to willinging
to participate
but you must walk
before you can run
so you don't trip and fall  

Don't stumble on these words
that float easily to your head
Take a breath
Stand back for a few
and reevaluate

simplicity is a good thing
to much can ruin

don't think me scolding
don't think me cruel
I'm just tryng to help you
one writer
too another.

All those years ago.
You left my life
without even a good bye.
From fifteen to eighteen
there was a empty hole in my heart
where you are meant to be.
My big brother.
Why did you have to leave me?

You thought it was for the best
You thought I didnt need you.
But guess again.
I still need my big brother.

You came back when I was ninteen
Promised me you would never leave again.
I took your word for it.
You never go back on your word.

YOU PROMISED ME HAWK!!!!!!!!

But here you are leaving my life again
Just when I need my big brother the most.

How dare you do this to me
You ******* *******!
I HATE YOU
But I love you with all my heart

You're my big brother Hawky
I need my brother.

Don't leave my life
You promised.

You're lucky I wasnt there
You're lucky I did not see
Because If I had
you would still be in the cold hard ground
But I'd be in Jail
not loosing a wink of sleep

lean on me
don't be afraid

I'll protect you
As best I can

Don't you know
I'd lay down my life for you?

You've been strong all these years
But even the mighty can fall

Rest now
You're safe

I'll be your strength

Hush don't speak
There is nothing you need say

Just rest now
You're safe

Do you think I care
what you people think of me?

I don't know you
and you certainly don't know me

You think I care that you judge me
with your close minded ways

Please, all it does is make me Laugh
and make you look like an ***

I am who I am
I am what I am

Nothing will EVER
change that

I like what I like
I LOVE who I love

If you can accept that
then welcome to my world

If not
well then

there's the door
let it hit you on the way out.

You're like a drug,
A powerful, addictive pain med,
that I just can't get enough of.

You are my Zydrate,
consuming my life.
I just can't get enough of your love.

It's like a shot of Zydrate
right to my viens.

I'm hooked just like a ******,
waiting for my next fix.
I got to have you
I need to have you.

You're like my personal brand
of Zydrate.
And I wouldnt have it any other way.

[Graverobber:]
Drug market, sub-market,
Sometimes I wonder why I ever got in.
Blood market, love market,
Sometimes I wonder why they need me at all.
Zydrate comes in a little glass vial.

[Shilo:]
A little glass vial?

[Support group:]
A little glass vial.

[Graverobber:]
And the little glass vial goes into the gun like a battery.

[Support group:]
Hhh-hhh...

[Graverobber:]
And the zydrate gun goes somewhere against your anatomy.

[Support group:]
Hhh-hhh...

[Graverobber:]
And when the gun goes off, it sparks
And you're ready for surgery!

[Support group:]
Surgery!

[Amber:]
Graverobber, graverobber,
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.
Graverobber, graverobber,
Sometimes I wonder why I need you at all!

[Graverobber:]
And amber sweet is addicted to the knife.

[Shilo:]
Addicted to the knife?

[Support group:]
Addicted to the knife.

[Graverobber:]
And addicted to the knife,
She needs a little help with the agony.
And a little help comes in a little glass vial
In a gun pressed against her anatomy.
And when the gun goes off,
Ms. sweet is ready for surgery.

[Graverobber and support group:]
Surgery!