My Whole Heart
Is beating for you
And only you
Your name is whispered
Throughout it

My soul woke up
The moment my eyes
Fell upon you
It aches to feel your
Presence every day and night

My being craves
Your touch
The shivers it creates
The feeling of belonging
I get when I'm in your arms

All these little things
They all add up
To a simple solution
Do you know what that is?
I'll tell you

I love you
With my whole
heart
Soul
And being

There's something inside me
It's sick
and
It's twisted

Its clawing its way free
and the sick thing is
I'll let it out

The peircing wails
of a tortured soul.
Hungry for a life
it can never have

Hear its howls
Feel its desctruction
deep down in your bones

Watch it pour from my mouth
a filthy ***** black plume of smoke
Its oily tendrils lashing out
seeking their next victim

There's something inside me
its sick
and
its twisted.

You're like a drug,
A powerful, addictive pain med,
that I just can't get enough of.

You are my Zydrate,
consuming my life.
I just can't get enough of your love.

It's like a shot of Zydrate
right to my viens.

I'm hooked just like a ******,
waiting for my next fix.
I got to have you
I need to have you.

You're like my personal brand
of Zydrate.
And I wouldnt have it any other way.

I GOT A SALE


                                I GOT A SALE


I GOT A SALE
  

                                                        ­      I GOT A SALE



What am I doing wrong?
all around me
my team is getting sales
Left and right
Back to back

And here I am
Zeroing out

Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
and I know friday too

Its hard to keep my chin up
When I'm about to lose

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

Breathe becomes short
Trying so hard to take a deep breathe
and all you get in return is a shallow
imitation of the real thing.

Chest squeezing your lungs
as if they are lemons
and it wants every last drop.

Vision fuzzing
as if suddenly a contact fell out
and your left with the water down
version of the world around you

Fear snaking in
breaking your walls
planting their seeds
in the inner most part of your brain

You shake and shiver
no matter the tempature.
It could be 90
but you'd think
it was 20 below.

Feeling that you need to run
get away from here
but you dont know why

This is what its like
when anxeity takes over
when it decided to take up residence
inside you
and makes you realize
That you never stood a chance

This rainbow of Hope that is blooming inside me
I cling to you
you precious miracle

For once in my 21 years of life
Yes I know that's not long but still
Anyway Moving on. where was I?
Oh yes there I was

For once in my 21 years of life,
Are you ready for this?
hold On Tight

I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING!

O-O
yes I know its hard to believe,
The girl who never shuts up
and ALWAYS has something to say
For once doesn't want to speak
doesn't want to open her mouth
and let the words spew

I sit here reading
feeling so anti-social
Praying they don't see me
So I don't have to engage in social exchange

I just want to curl up
grab a book
and read the day away

or better yet sink into
my not so comfy bed
and sleep and sleep
Is it so bad to not want to wake up?

there is nothing exciting going on
So I have nothing to comment about

Nothing hold my attention
Nothing stays of interest.

For once in my 21 years of life
I don't want to Talk.

Where did the old me go?
I want her back.

She dances with darkness
Without fear
Weaving in and out
of its shadowy embrace
Falling
falling
more
in love

She dances a deadly game
Without fear
edging closer and closer
into the dark abyss

Breathing life into the darkness
resisting
beggging
pleading for her to stop

she takes his hands
"It will be ok"
Darkness follows her
trusting like it's never trusted before

Darkness blinks
in the sudden brightness
the brightness of her heart

Shedding the darkness
He leaves it behind
taking her hand
and living in the light

Normally I'm kind
I'm always cracking jokes
Making everyone laugh

I put others before me
I let them treat me
whatever way they want
not caring if its wrong

My words, my bark
is worse then my bite
I can threaten with words
but could never raise my fist

But
you
have
pushed
me
to far

I'm sharpening my fangs
Getting my claws all nice and sharp

I may have a long fuse
But you just lite it
and soaked it in gasloline
KABOOM

Better run
Better Hide
I will find you
and then you will
really know
what My bite
can do

>:-)

SHTAKO!!!!!!!!!!

The sky brightens as lightning streaks across in forks.
The sky explodes as the sound of thunder erupts.
the Rain beats against the side of the house.
As I watch from the basement window.

I scream in fear as the sky lights up,
Looking like the whole sky will burst,
From a power surge.
I close my eyes so I don't see anymore.

I listen to the soothing sound of the rain.
I open my window a smidge.
And let the rain wash over my face.
It feels so good.

I shudder as the thunder booms,
Feeling it pass through my body.
My ears hurt from the constant explosions.
I wish they never go away.

Even though they scare me to death.
I love them even more.
For they are so soothing to fall asleep to.
And the morning after are always peaceful.

You feel like your invisible
Like no one seems to care.
You walk the halls
getting bumped and squashed.
You feel like you're going to lose this thing called life.
So take my advice.

And take time away.
To a different place.
Save it all for another day.
Just Lay down and feel the warm sunshine.
Listen to the music around.
And take time away.
Take time away.

You raise your hand
but the teacher doesn't see.
You go to to your next class
and you see the girls giggling.
They're talking about party's
and the latest boyfriends.
You feel like just letting go.

So take time away.
To a different place.
Save it all for another day.
Spend time with the one you love.
They'll help you understand.
Why life is such a wonderful thing.
so take time away. Take time away.

You feel like you're visible.
And you know someone cares.
You walk the halls
getting recognized.
You feel like you're getting
This thing called life.
And you're so glad.

That you took time away.
To a different place.
And saved it all for another place.
Just laying down with the one you love.
Feeling the warm sunshine.
Ant you glad that you took time away.
Took time away.

I've only known you for
hmmmmm
a month or so
But within that month
we've grown so close

You tell me you care
that you hold me dear.
Well the same goes for you.

I help you out whenever I can
You let me vent without judgement
your words are sweet
our talks sometimes brightens my day.

BUt sometimes......
Oh I dont know.......

But then you went
and talked down to me
you belittled me
and mocked me

What do you take me for?
Just a person at your disposal?
Some child who needs scolding?

That hurt
I didnt think you would do that
From him Yeah I expect it
But YOU!
You left me sitting here at my desk
staring at your words
crying silently.

Now I'm questioning everything.
If you could so easily treat me that way.
was this whole freindship a ruse
for your own personal gain?

I'm sitting here a day later still pondering this mystery.
and came up with one simple question to ask you.

*What am I to you?

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray to whoever my soul to keep
take my broken shattered heart instead

Maybe then the knot in my chest will lessen
And my shaky breath will steady
and my tears will run dry

Maybe then I wont fee so alone
I will feel like I am worth something again

My mind might not run images of us
day in and day out
I wont lay awake at night plagued by the nightmares of the
what ifs and if only's

I pray your memory becomes distant
and your name becomes just a word

I pray my heart heals soon
so I am not picking up its pieces anymore

I'm down on my knees
praying to whatever entity
that you wont haunt me anymore

this is my prayer for eternity

I love this girl and this guy.
I'm not ashamed to be bi.
Its who i am.
And if you don't like it
tough.
Its who i am.
I'm like everyone else.
Except i like this girl and this guy.
And I'm not ashamed to be bi.

Play me the good stuff
Van Halen
girl you really got me now

my bad mood instantly lifting
A smile replacing my frown

Not caring that I look like a fool
As I dance in my chair at work

Maybe if they had fought more.
Maybe if they had yelled or screamed.
It wouldn't have been as great of a shock.

I had no warning.
No hint at all.
They covered up the signs so well.

On the day they told us.
The news stabbed my heart.
The tears, I couldn't hold back.

My family was splitting apart.
Daddy was moving out.
He and Kellie were getting a divorse.

It shattered my world.
It tore traditions apart.
My world was never the same.

My hopes that maybe they would get back together.
Were smashed to microscopic peses.
The day Daddy intruduced us to his new girlfriend.

It's been over two years.
And the pain hasn't gone away.
It still seems like a terrible nightmare.

Things once Precious
now ripped away
Dreams and hopes
stripped from the heart

Spiralling into
the dark abyss
Emotions raw
and left unchecked

Nightmares turned
into reality
ghosts and demons
running wild

Dance sing love my life motto.
Dance like there's no tomorrow.
Sing your loudest.
Love more the you heart can take.

Dance when your feeling sad.
Dance when your feeling happy.
Dance in the pouring rain.
It will make you feel SO free.

Sing when you don't know what to say.
Sing when your walking all alone.
Singing makes you feel so confident.
I know from experience.

Love every living thing.
Loving someone make you feel warm inside.
Love is what makes the world go round.
So help the world a little.

When she smiles she lights up the room
a 100 watt smile blazzing with power

when that smile disappeared
it was like living in hellish darkness

It went away for so long
I thought it was lost forever

But now that smile has come again
brighter and wider then ever before

I have never seen her this happy
I've never seen her glow like this

She blushes just at the sound of her name
her love shining through everything she does

When Summer smiles
it's better then cloud nine

I'm so happy for her
I'm so glad her smile is back

Dramatic
Childish
Too Talkitive

I Hear it every day of my life

Annoying*
Weird
A freak

I've heard it to many times to count

*****
*****
A disgrace

Please is that all you've got?

All theses names
and all these meanings
goes in one ear
and out the other

Tell me something I don't know
Please I beg of you
Call me something New

If you want to hurt me
if you want to break my armor
call me something I havent heard before

That's right you cant

I've been called every name in the book
the nice ones
the means ones
the ones meant to make me cry

You want to know the one word
the one word that will break me
the one word
that will shake me to my core?

Its
Quite
simple
really

Just
call
    me.....


..... *Your friend

The Pulsing
Yellow Ribbon
Flashes by
my window
only broken
by the
Barren streches
of Darkness

Done
Done
Done
Done

So
*******
Done

Tired of this *******
Tired of always failing
DONE

Zerod out
fourth day
in a week

DONE
DONE
DONE
DONE

I sit here and stare
at the harsh Blue veins
peering out of my
pale white skin

I sit here and trace
along the blue lines
that hold my life's blood

How easily it would be
to sink a blade
across these lines

Before you i was shut down
Closed off from all emotions

I figured if i shyed away
No one could hurt me

But then you strolled in
With your ego and sarcasim

I took one look
And I was caught

My flood gates opened
And I re awakened to the world

You made me feel again
And for that i am so grateful

You light up the darkness
That threatens to over take me

You keep me from falling back
Into the hell that is my mind
 
You give me a reason to smile
A reason to get up in the morning

Your silly and random
Your child like nature matches mine

You make me feel safe
You make me feel special

The passion I feel for you
Is something Ive never felt before

I love you
With every fiber of my being

I love you Kaleb,
Please always know that

A love I always held
Locked away in my heart
My fallen angel.

As I fell asleep
I would always feel
Broken tattered wings
Wrap around me
Protecting me.

But now I realize
How selfish I had become.
Keeping him to me
Never truly able to give him
What he desperately wanted
My whole heart.

My fallen angel hurt
Yet I kept him to me
Chained by words
Of I love you.

I realize now
I see my wrong doing.
It kills me
A piece of me has died.

My fallen angel
I set you free

My fallen angel
No more.

Goodbye
I cant do this anymore
The fire in me
is flaming no more

I am nothing but a mistake
I wasnt meant for this life
I shouldnt be around

I'm
a **** up
a failure
a burden
a joke
of a human being

I will never change
I will always be this way
so what is the point
of continuing this exsistance?

Goodbye

I'm sorry

Like air
you're every where
I go.

I cant seem
to get you
out of my mind.

When we're not
hanging out
I think about you nonstop.

When I close my eyes
I see your smiling face
staring back at me.

I'm sitting in my room all alone.
I find myself wishing
that you were with me.

Its times like this
That I wish
I could be more
then the jester
and be a better
Advise giver.

As the midnight hour
Descends upon my world
My mind wanders to the
Place is often visits

The man of my dreams
The feel of his touch
His soft lips on mine
The sense of his love

I close my eyes and there he is
In all his shinning glory
calling to me
with arms opened wide

I don't know how he did it
Captured my heart so easily
I thought I put walls of steel around it
But he broke through them as if they never existed

Waking up in his arms
                                       Feeling his skin against mine
                                                                         Hearing his voice thick with sleep

                I kiss his Lips

         Snuggled up against the cold
                                                 fitting perfectly against his body
                                                                                        Throw a blanket over us

                         Our own little world

                         Sweet words whispered to each other
                                                         Emotions soaring at their highest
                                                                                               Pure bliss fills the air

                          *Never let this end

Do you think I care
what you people think of me?

I don't know you
and you certainly don't know me

You think I care that you judge me
with your close minded ways

Please, all it does is make me Laugh
and make you look like an ***

I am who I am
I am what I am

Nothing will EVER
change that

I like what I like
I LOVE who I love

If you can accept that
then welcome to my world

If not
well then

there's the door
let it hit you on the way out.

It's quite sad
when your work
tries to throw you
into an area of the business
that you were not trained for
its like
"Hey I know you've never done this before but here you go
You'll be fine, don't worry about it its easy!'

And because of the whole
SWEARING RESULTS IN
IMEDIATE TERMINATIONS
All I can say to you is!

THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNKKKKKKKSSSS

-.-

Shattering soul
Crumbling trust
Bleeding heart

This is what I've become.
This is what you've created.

A shell too Broken
Too survive

We used to be best buddies
And now we're not
I wish you would tell me why

I'm sick I think I'm sick
Sometimes I think I get like this
I bite my tongue, I clench my fists
Resist at first and then reverse
The night knows me by name
Its shadow trained to dull the pain
All the black begins to blur
Resist at first and then immerse
~
        It tires me, it makes me sad
To think of all the nights I've had
Eyes shut tightly, I shut down
Won't be that much longer now
In the quiet, in the dark
All my ideals fall apart
When they come for me again
Resist with everything I am
~
It tires me, it makes me sad
To think of all the nights I've had
Eyes shut tightly, I shut down
Won't be that much longer now
~
I'm sick, I think I'm sick
Sometimes I think I get like this
I bite my tongue, I clench my fists
Resist at first and then reverse
Life's a war, you pick your fight
I think mine picks me first most nights
If I should wake before I die
Then promise me you'll never get this sick inside
~
Can't undo a word I said
Years of struggle still ahead
All the trouble in my head
I wish I were good instead
  ~  
I'm sick, I think I'm sick
Sometimes I think I get like this
I bite my tongue, I clench my fists
Resist at first and then reverse
My adversary knows me well
She's out for blood, too soon to tell
If I'll outsmart these lies of hell
And think my sick self back to health

I talk to much
Yes  I know it true.
I talk
and talk
and talk
and talk
and talk

but just becasue I always talk
doesnt mean I know what to say.
doesnt mean I say the right things.

I am a talker
who stumbles and trips over
what I am going to say next
always afraid I will mess up.

Giving advise scares me shitless
What if I give bad advise?
What if I make things worse?

Telling people how I feel
Terrified to speak my mind
What if I hurt them?
what if I make things worse?

What if I make things worse?

my biggest fear
my worst nightmare.

I am a talker
who stumbles and trips
but I keep talking
because maybe one day
I'll say the right thing.

Please Magnum
Don't
leave us.
Don't
Go

I ran up to you
and flung myself in your arms
Our mouths connecting in a kiss
In front of all our friends.

you pulled me back
a surprised look on your face
Really? You asked
hope written in every word

Yes I say
Pulling you in for
another addictive kiss.

I was yours forever
and you were mine

All throught the day
The day of love
we couldnt contain ours

you turned to me
Are we dating now?
I looked at you and smiled
Yeah I think we are
Smiling back at me
Cool

Valentines day
Isnt just a holiday to me.
Its the Day my Life started.

Fragments of my mind
Falling to the ground
Piece by piece
Bits of my sanity
Scattered to the wind

Blood red petals disguised by
blackness thick as fog.

Forest green stem hidden
in a vase of dark brown.

wilting from the lack of
strength to go on.

abandon to die no
longer able to light up a room.

lifting it's head the roses
struggle to get some light.

But sinks back down and accepts
it's fate of becoming Roses in the dark.

Its one thing for me
to bring up my past
It means I'm ready
to Face my demon

its another thing entirely
when you Bring up my past
It means your ready
To taunt me

STOP
BRINGING
UP
MY
PAST

I dont live there anymore.

Act upon
the Devilish thoughts
in your mind

this is how and Angel dies

Slit your wrists
and bathe
in the crimson river

this is how an Angel dies

Turn your back
against your faith
an everything you know

*this is how an Angel dies

I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss,
And a prince I'm hoping comes with this
That's what brings ever-aftering so happy
And that's the reason we need lips so much
For lips are the only things that touch
So to spend a life of endless bliss
Just find who you love through true love's kiss*

I've been dreaming Of a true love that's mine
Put He was not the prince I hoped would  come with this
He didn't bring me ever-aftering that was so happy
And our lips were the only things touching
Instead of life of endless bliss, I got a life of misery
So to find a love of hell, find it through "true love's kiss"

Don't be so quick to fall in love
Stand your ground and find someone worthy
If it takes forever then so be it
Don't be so hasty, it wont make you any less lonely

Find the man that treats you right
with all the little things he does
Not the man that's so quick to tell you
what you need to hear

She hurts
and she cries
but you cant see the depression in her eyes
Because she just smiles

She smiles at you
With big blue eyes shining
tell you
everything's fine,
everything's great

She smiles
but all she wants to do is cry
She pretends to be happy
But everything is crumbling inside

Every breath is a struggle
Every day is a war
and lately it seems like
she isnt winning it anymore.

But she puts on her smile
She forces out a carefree laugh
her upbeat perkyness.

But behind that smile
is a girl in pain
Behind that laugh
is a scream of sadness
Behind that perky
is depths of sorrow.

But
She hides it well
behind perfect
*smiles

This is to all those poeple
leaving sweet comments
on the work I've written on here

I've always been insecure
about my written
afraid that my truth
and my emotions
would be laughed at
and ridiculed

BUT all you people
You've been so sweet
you've been so kind
You helped this timid girl
SHINE

Now I'm no longer in fear
Now I'm not afraid to stand tall

I will let my words flow
I will let myself be heard

And it wouldn't be possible
If it werent for all of you

so I tip my hat off to you and say

**Thank you