In the dictionary
the definition of amazing is:
To fill with wonder.
To astound.

My definition is:
How your eyes
are brighter then
all the stars in the sky.

When you lite up
a room with
your dazzling smile.
And take my breath away.

How your laugh
sounds like
a thousand angels
singing from heaven.

How you make me
feel special without
even meaning to
just by being you.

My definition of amazing is:
Everything that makes up,
you

Wondering mind
Lustfilled thoughts
Sinful touch
Of an unworthy soul

Movies are my esacpe
My perfect escape from
a harsh reality

I let the fictitious lives
encase me like a cacoon
whispering beautiful promises

when reality becomes unbearable
I grasp their hand
and let them spirit me away

to lands of demi gods and magic
vampires and unbreakable love
Adventures and untold dangers

Movies are my music
People listen to music to hold on to life
Where I turn to movies

Did you ever just have a day
Where you nick yourself shaving
Just a little too closely.
Hoping its just a little too deep
And everything can end?

Did you ever have a moment
Where you fell down the stairs
And for just a second
Wish you could fall down
And land in just the wrong way
So your suffering can end?

Ever go through a whole day
Going over all the possible ways
You could die accidentally?
Because you cant bring yourself
To end your own life

I have

I do it everyday.

In the past month or so
I've felt it coming
A breakdown.

Suicidal thoughts
claimed my mind
took up residence,
and starting planting thier seeds.

In the past month or so
I've tried to **** myself
not once
not twice
Hell not even three times

A grand total of
7 times.
Overdosing on asprin
Starving myself
cutting too deep
not even getting out of the way
when a car came a little to close
Hey the latest was
Exedrin.....
................. extra strentgh

I need help
I know I do.
But the thing is
I dont want to.

I dont want to live anymore.
I hate my pathetic life.
I'm sitting here at my cubicle
taking call after call
Trying so hard not to
show my tears to the people on the phone.

I give up

I GIVE UP

I'm sorry everyone
I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was

Goodbye everyone

On the Outskirts of a college campus
there is woods that seprerate the campus
from the hustle and bustle of the high way

near the tennis courts there is an opening
that leads you down a path
take a quick right, jump over the large puddle,
take the left path at the cross roads
Watch out for the hanging tree limb.
Follow straight.

Off on your left you will see a delapetated clearing
with a Large Tree, and knarled roots poking out of the ground.
Walk over to this tree, appreciate all its beauty.
And if you're lucky you just might see
Initials of lovers carved into its bark
ND hearts MS.

Those woods
that clearing
They mean so much to me
It's where I fell head over heels in love with you
It was in that clearing that I knew
I wanted to spend the rest of my life

With You

You're lucky I wasnt there
You're lucky I did not see
Because If I had
you would still be in the cold hard ground
But I'd be in Jail
not loosing a wink of sleep

With these cuffs
I chain the beast,
only loosen
with sparks
of Humanity seen.

I guess the little Pickachu
Is all that I have left of you
I'll hold it tight
Close to my heart
and Remember all the times we had.

Drinking grape Smirnoff
In the woods
out behind BCC.

All the times at your house
falling asleep together
curled up in your room.

On the way home
from college
Using you as a pillow
knowing I was safe.

My fallen angel
has been set free
The way it was meant to be.

But This little Pickachu
that is sitting here in my room.
Did you know I slept with him
Every single night?

I guess I'll just have to hold him
Just a little bit closer from now on.

Dear You,

This is your shadow speaking
Remember Me?
The one who you use to take comfort in?
The one you said "would never leave"?

I was Always there for you
In your darkest moments
I know all your secrets
The ones your too afraid to speak of

When no one else was around
you took comfort in my presence
Knowing you always had a friend
one that knew you inside and out

I may not have spoken
But I always Listened
I loved you for who you were

Why did you turn your back on me?
Now I am something you fear.
Is it because you lost your way
Is is becuase you dont know who you are anymore?

Whatever it is I understand
Just know I am Always here
In your darkest moments
And even when you cant see me
just know I am always around the corner
Here for you no matter what.

When the time
comes you'll know.
That my destiny
will surely show.
And then you'll see
that i'm ready for anything
that comes my way.

But please hurry.
Cuz right now my life feels empty.
What is the meaning
in this crazy world we're living in?
So please hurry.
My destiny.
Cuz right now my life feels so empty.

It's so hard
getting up each morning.
To find it
the same as before.

So please someone.
Save me
cuz right now my life feels empty.
What is the meaning
in this crazy world we're living in?
So save me
My destiny.
Cuz right now my life feels so empty.
Please someone.

Damaged beyond repair
a body without a soul
Scar riddled body
A heart turned to stone

A past to Horrid
for sanity to hold
A future so bleak
no hope can grow

No matter the terror
no matter the pain
He goes on
Pushing through the darkness

Loyalty is his Motto
No matter the cost
He is there
like a silent shadow

This place is Hell
The walls made of fire
The air is putrid smelling smoke

Its slowly suficating me
Breaking me down
killing me
from the inside out

This Place is Hell
Taking away my freedom
Taking away what is me

The floor is lava
Burning me
with every step I take

Trying to  break my spirit
Succeeded
I am broken

My go lucky attitude disapates
****
Now I am just
a broken little robot
One of their creations

lean on me
don't be afraid

I'll protect you
As best I can

Don't you know
I'd lay down my life for you?

You've been strong all these years
But even the mighty can fall

Rest now
You're safe

I'll be your strength

Hush don't speak
There is nothing you need say

Just rest now
You're safe

Sleep is that thing
that eludes me
and taunts me
with its nightmares.

Broken and defeated
helpless and destroyed
the fear claws at my stomach
the despair clouds my mind
tears spill onto my cheeks.

Everything I hopped for
disappears in a blink of an eye
once again ******* everything up.

Why can't
I do
anything right?

I try so hard
just to be set up
for failure.

Goddess please
I pray to you
please guide me
through this!
help me succeed.

This rainbow of Hope that is blooming inside me
I cling to you
you precious miracle

Have ever hated your body so much
You look in the mirror and feel violently ill?


Have you ever hated yourself so much
You want to cause yourself harm?


People give you comments and you just stare
Thinking to yourself how can u say that its not true?

Wanting nothing more then to hide your body
Under baggy big clothes

Wearing clothes that look nice
Yet inside you feel like a pregnant whale.

Have you ever hated living in your own skin
That you begged and cried to be some one else

*I do

I feel that way all the time

All my dreams
Are just out of Reach
No matter how far I run
or how far I streach out to get them
They are just out of my reach
my fingre tips barely brushing them.

the feelings inside
crash within me
like waves against the cliff side.

Their cold embrace
threaten to drown me
in their icy waters.

Waves of pain
keep spilling into me
flooding me with its all consuming despair

Hold my breath
I kick my way to the surface,
trying to find the sun's light.

My head breaks through,
take a huge gulp of air.
I made it, I survived

But the churning water drags me down again
The light slowly fading
All sence of direction gone.

The water invades me,
filling my nose and mouth
flooding my lungs.

I'm drowining in my emotions
Just when I think I am on dry ground
they drag me back with binding chains.

Just because you've been burned
Just because you've been spurned
doesn't mean he'll do it to her

So keep my sister out of this
you stupid little *****

Take your jealous hate filled eyes
and take them off of him
Stop watching every move he makes
before I claw them out myself

Go tell your ******* lies
to someone who cares
Cuz I know
that we sure don't

Shouting out
her mournful wails
crying out into
the bitter darkness
seeking help
that will never come

She raises her
tear stained face
to the sky
and screams her pain
into the night

More animilistic
the human
curl up on herself
no tears left to cry
no voice left to scream

doesnt anyone see her?
this poor **** creature?

She's crying for help
but everyone just turns their head
And acts like she isnt there

I dont belong here

I belong on the dangerous streets
Of fall river

On the peaceful street
Of evergreen
In rhode island

I belong
In g building of bcc
On honeyman ave
In a town in rhode island

I belong in Massachusetts
With the love of my life.

I belong in weedamo woods
With my soul sister
The best friend I've ever had

Isolated by my self up here
The only person keeping me sane is my little sister

I just want to go home.
Im tired of just visiting it In my dreams.

I lay quietly in my bed.
The open window above my head blows the soft blue curtain over me.
I sit up and go behind the curtain.
I open the window a little more.

The cold night wind whips my face.
It feels good against my burning skin.
I rest my head on the window sill and close my eyes.
The sounds of the night comes rushing to my ears.

I hear crickets playing their dispair filled songs.
While the hedge sways in the wind with their old bones cracking.
A distant dog barks at the night shadows.
A lonely car drives by its tires spitting pebbles.

Behind the curtain with the window open.
The moon shining it's light down on my.
It feels like a whole other world.
So peaceful and beautiful that only I know

My Life
is just
one big ball
of Messy

Please Don't
Give Up
On Me

Don't count
me out
just yet

I'm Still
Hanging in
I'm still
Hanging on

Dont Think
me as
wasting space

Don't believe
me as
hopeless case

I'm Still fighting
I'm still here

I'm not going anywhere

my Onekyh
My Russian gaurdain
So big so strong
An amazing Guy

Lays unconsious in a hospital bed
An induced Coma.

Please goddess
dont take him from us!
We still need him.
His son and wife
Me and Hawk

One of the strongest men I know
It kills me to think
Of him battered and broken
Helpless.

Please Goddess
Dont take him
I will do anything

PLease
my Onekyh
Dont leave us!!!

I know you are hurting
I know you must be scared
BUT PLEASE
Be strong just one more time
Please pull through this

Come back to Us!!!!

let the pain
drip down like rain
splash into puddles
of raw misery

People are always leaving
Leaving never staying
Walking out of my life
never to return again

friends I thought were there forever
Turned out to Be false hope
should have fought harder
Should have clinged a little tighter.

Family members I thought were golden
Faded away from sight
Words barely spoken
memories turned into dreams.

people are always leaving
leaving never staying
walking out of my life
never to return again

Here I stand in front of the mirror
my reflection staring back at me

and this is what we say to each other.


look at you your so fat
STOP THAT NO I'M NOT
well honey you're getting there

And look at your legs
WHAT ABOUT THEM
They are so scar riddled no one could truly love you


and just LOOK at THAT face
WHAT ABOUT MY ******* FACE *****
its so ugly they could use it at the circus for a side show to scare little children
SHUT UP
Oh come on you know its true

You are pathetic and stupid
Your friends dont care about you

I put my hands over my ears and close my eyes
PLEASE STOP
I whimper

No one would care if you died
you'd be doing every one a favor
Snicker

SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP

My eyes snap open
I lift my hand and punch the mirror
my reflection shattering in a thousand sparkling peices
and with it my demons

I am DONE destroying myself
I will start Anew
This is my new begining
Stick around
I hope you like the Veiw

When I'm with you
I feel like I can fly
When I'm with you
It feels like the whole worlds frozen in time
No one else is there
We're the only ones here
And that only happens
when I'm with you.

You've got my heart
Kicked into over drive
It's beating so loud
You can hear it from across the room
It hasn't been quiet
Since the day I met you
When you look my way
It stars skipping beats
And I hope you Know
That it's beating for you because

When I'm with you
I feel like I can fly
When I'm with you
It feels like the whole worlds frozen in time
No one else is there
We're the only ones here
And that only happens
when I'm with you.

Baby come lay down with me
Pull the blankets over our heads
and we'll be in our own little world
Snuggling all night long
In your arms I know
I'm home because

When I'm with you
I feel like I can fly
When I'm with you
It feels like the whole worlds frozen in time
No one else is there
We're the only ones here
And that only happens
when I'm with you.

Boy you're everything to me
You're the one
my soul's been searching for
When I close my eyes
all I see is you
You're the only
One for me

When I'm with you
I feel like I can fly
When I'm with you
It feels like the whole worlds frozen in time
No one else is there
We're the only ones here
And that only happens
when I'm with you.

When I'm with you
I feel like I can fly
When I'm with you
It feels like the whole worlds frozen in time
No one else is there
We're the only ones here
And that only happens
when I'm with you. R

And that only happens
Boy this only happens
When I'm with you.

There's something inside me
It's sick
and
It's twisted

Its clawing its way free
and the sick thing is
I'll let it out

The peircing wails
of a tortured soul.
Hungry for a life
it can never have

Hear its howls
Feel its desctruction
deep down in your bones

Watch it pour from my mouth
a filthy ***** black plume of smoke
Its oily tendrils lashing out
seeking their next victim

There's something inside me
its sick
and
its twisted.

Her voice is thick
with unshed tears
she tries to survive
barely clinging to
life's grasp

A soft white light
bathes her in it's healing glow
breathing life into
her shattered soul

Piece by piece
she starts to rebuild
but no matter how fixed
there will always be cracks

Loose threads
waiting to unravel
her fragile sanity
once more

Gentle touch.
Passionate kisses.
Driving me crazy.
Filling me with desire.

Bodies pressed close together
Hearts beating as one.
Breaths becoming shallow.
Same thoughts on our minds.

Arms clinging
to one another
to afraid to let go
Not wanting this moment to end

fantasies dance
across closed eyelids
vivid and true
Hopeful and happy

I watch from the front seat
as you and your prom date
enter the building to the dance inside

My, you are growing up
My little brother
off to junior prom
My , where have the years gone?

I still remember the little brother
who use to follow me around,
with a stuffed rabbit in one hand
and a goofy grin on his face.

The little brother
with the sqeaky
adolesont voice

I Still remember him
But when the hell
did this little boy grow up to be
this amazing Man that stands in front of me?

****, it makes me cry because,
My little brother
isnt so little
anymore

Fantasies of you and me
dancing between the sheets
they flit and flutter through my mind

Heat and desire pool deep in my belly
making me need relief
You on top of me.

Make love to me
tenderly
roughly
any way you can.

I'll drag my nails
down your back,
and wrap my legs around you
pulling you closer me.  

Make me arch off the bed
make me moan
and scream your name.

I'll do things to you
that leave you shuddering
and begging me for more.

Kiss you on the lips
and start to trail down
leaving kisses as I go
until you are in my mouth.

Oh the fun we would have
and it would all be
between you and me.

Play me the good stuff
Van Halen
girl you really got me now

my bad mood instantly lifting
A smile replacing my frown

Not caring that I look like a fool
As I dance in my chair at work

Breathe becomes short
Trying so hard to take a deep breathe
and all you get in return is a shallow
imitation of the real thing.

Chest squeezing your lungs
as if they are lemons
and it wants every last drop.

Vision fuzzing
as if suddenly a contact fell out
and your left with the water down
version of the world around you

Fear snaking in
breaking your walls
planting their seeds
in the inner most part of your brain

You shake and shiver
no matter the tempature.
It could be 90
but you'd think
it was 20 below.

Feeling that you need to run
get away from here
but you dont know why

This is what its like
when anxeity takes over
when it decided to take up residence
inside you
and makes you realize
That you never stood a chance

{VERSE 1}

I hear your voice in the darkness
But I cant find my way out
I hear your pleads echoing
but I cant find you my love


{CHORUS}

With a thousand things between us
Tearing us apart
I say goodbye


{VERSE 2}

We put up a good fight
but they were tearing us to pieces
flaying us alive
We held on to eachother
no matter how strong the winds


{CHORUS}

But With a thousands things between us
tearing us apart
I must say
Goodbye


{Bridge}

All I want to do
Is hold on to you
Cling for what we once had
But that's not in the cards
not anymore


{CHORUS}

But theres just a thousand things between us
Trying their strength to tears us apart
so with a thousand things between us
I say goodbye


{VERSE 3}

All those words left unspoken
now falling to the ground
Trying to pick up the pieces
of this shattered broken heart
I must say

Goodbye

Why cant you just see.
that I am not the person
you claim me to be?

In your darkest hour
I'll be your blinding light.

When you feel like your life is
Turning capsized
I'll be your life raft.

Bottom line.

I'll always be there
when you really need me.

I've only known you for
hmmmmm
a month or so
But within that month
we've grown so close

You tell me you care
that you hold me dear.
Well the same goes for you.

I help you out whenever I can
You let me vent without judgement
your words are sweet
our talks sometimes brightens my day.

BUt sometimes......
Oh I dont know.......

But then you went
and talked down to me
you belittled me
and mocked me

What do you take me for?
Just a person at your disposal?
Some child who needs scolding?

That hurt
I didnt think you would do that
From him Yeah I expect it
But YOU!
You left me sitting here at my desk
staring at your words
crying silently.

Now I'm questioning everything.
If you could so easily treat me that way.
was this whole freindship a ruse
for your own personal gain?

I'm sitting here a day later still pondering this mystery.
and came up with one simple question to ask you.

*What am I to you?