Do you think I care
what you people think of me?

I don't know you
and you certainly don't know me

You think I care that you judge me
with your close minded ways

Please, all it does is make me Laugh
and make you look like an ***

I am who I am
I am what I am

Nothing will EVER
change that

I like what I like
I LOVE who I love

If you can accept that
then welcome to my world

If not
well then

there's the door
let it hit you on the way out.

When I am having a long
and frustrating day at work
I just look for a message from you
and my day gets a little better

Never thought we would become friends
But I'm glad we did.
You're a listener when I need to vent
But just know I'm here for you too

And just to show how much a great friend you've become
I've given you a nickname.
I only do this for the people
that have become a part of my life
to the people I hope stick around for a while.

So hey Seshy?
Welcome to my crazy
hectic life
Thanks for being my friend!!!

:-D :-D :-D

Its times like this
That I wish
I could be more
then the jester
and be a better
Advise giver.

I miss you, I miss the friend I once had in you. {Deleted, never sent}

I heard our song today, the one I Danced my solo to. {Deleted, never sent}

I was looking at my mothers pictures and came across our prom picture. {Deleted, never sent}

I was looking through my sisters room and found your old old navy shirt, it still smells like you. {Deleted , never sent}

I really miss going to your family christmas parties, I felt so accepted there. {Deleted, never sent}

Did you know I still hold on to the necklace you gave me? {Deleted never sent}

Did you know I still sleep with the tiger you gave me every once in a while? {Deleted, never sent}

Hey it's me again, Thanks for giving me your black sweatshirt its so cold here in the winter and your sweatshirt is so warm. {Deleted, never sent}

Do you ever think about me? Think about the friends we use to be? {deleted, never sent}

Will we ever be friends again? *{Deleted, never sent}

The girl you see everyday
is the girl I want you to see

The true me

Is a scared little girl
whose heart and soul
has been damaged
beyond repair

I am the self proclaimed
Lifes court jester
Making people laugh
is what I do best

When I see someone sad
I instantly put on my funny hat
because laughter
is a good medince
even if it only lasts for a few moments
those moments could be life saving

But sometimes
The court jester
isnt always there
Sometimes its just me
Me in all my imperfection

I hide behind the court jester
To cover up my pain
my ******* upness
and my saddness

But Being the jester
Well it helps me
When I know I can make someone smile
even on their worst days on earth
It feels good knowing
I am helping someone
even if for a few presious moments

Maybe I'm not as worthless
as I thought I was

woah that guy is so huge
he could flatten me like a pancake.
Hmm now i want pancakes*

Thus the tradition of Ihop began.

Me and hawk
In the dead of night
Get in his beat up old ford
And drive
To the nearest
24/7
Ihop

Sure it seems stupid
Hell it is stupid
But to me
It was everything

Because in that car
With a man
Everyone is scared of
With a man
That is so much more to me then a friend
It meant
I
Was
Safe

The Razer,
It calls to me,
It tells me its my friend.
I want to believe it

Its one thing for me
to bring up my past
It means I'm ready
to Face my demon

its another thing entirely
when you Bring up my past
It means your ready
To taunt me

STOP
BRINGING
UP
MY
PAST

I dont live there anymore.

Widow open
With my arms open wide
Whipping wind
weaving in and out of my fingers
and into my tangled hair
Look up at the pale full moon
breathing in the burning fields

and its moments like this

that I'm so happy I'm alive

Dante pulls out the lily
its orange petals
glistening in the pale moonlight

Lillian stares at it
its the most beautiful thing
she has ever laid eyes upon

Edging closer to her
nervous she will bolt
He takes her hand

"Lillian I am just a lonely assasin
a monster in the eyes of your society"

He looks at her
fear in his eyes

"but you have dared to love me
you have turned your back agaisnt their ways"

He hold her close
and whispers

"So I must ask you this just once"


*Do you dare love me again?

Hotdogs grilling
Filling the air
assualting my nose

sizzle
sizzle

Cherry blossom trees
Releasing their thickly sweet perfume
carried on the breeze

wet aphault
after a summer shower
tickling the back of my throat

Freshly mowed grass
Their light scented aroma
Clinging to my clothes

Chlorine filled pools
Making my cough
splashing all about

:-D

I'm
so
Glad
That
Summer
Is
Here

What is the land of dreams you ask?
Well the land of dreams is where you,
go when you are fast asleep.

The land gives you your wild and vivid imaginations.
To get there all you need to do is dream.
The land flickers to life when you close your eyes.

Where is the land of dreams you ask?
It's in a far away land with meadows of silver and gold.
Wit big apple trees and crystal clear waters.

Shh hush up
and let me dream
So I too can visit the land of dreams.

Life is to short
to go through it in a blur.

Life is to short,
to fight with friends.

Life is to short,
to push the ones you love away.

Life is to short,
to worry about silly things.

You need to slow down
and enjoy the world around you.

Because you never know,
it may change in a blink of an eye

You need to stop
taking things for granted.

Because you don't know what you have,
till it is taking away from you,

Life is to short
to go through it in a blur.

Life is to short,
to fight with friends.

Life is to short,
to push the ones you love away.

Life is to short,
to worry about silly things.

So do take it slower
Or you might regreat it later

The sky brightens as lightning streaks across in forks.
The sky explodes as the sound of thunder erupts.
the Rain beats against the side of the house.
As I watch from the basement window.

I scream in fear as the sky lights up,
Looking like the whole sky will burst,
From a power surge.
I close my eyes so I don't see anymore.

I listen to the soothing sound of the rain.
I open my window a smidge.
And let the rain wash over my face.
It feels so good.

I shudder as the thunder booms,
Feeling it pass through my body.
My ears hurt from the constant explosions.
I wish they never go away.

Even though they scare me to death.
I love them even more.
For they are so soothing to fall asleep to.
And the morning after are always peaceful.

Here I stand in front of the mirror
my reflection staring back at me

and this is what we say to each other.


look at you your so fat
STOP THAT NO I'M NOT
well honey you're getting there

And look at your legs
WHAT ABOUT THEM
They are so scar riddled no one could truly love you


and just LOOK at THAT face
WHAT ABOUT MY ******* FACE *****
its so ugly they could use it at the circus for a side show to scare little children
SHUT UP
Oh come on you know its true

You are pathetic and stupid
Your friends dont care about you

I put my hands over my ears and close my eyes
PLEASE STOP
I whimper

No one would care if you died
you'd be doing every one a favor
Snicker

SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP

My eyes snap open
I lift my hand and punch the mirror
my reflection shattering in a thousand sparkling peices
and with it my demons

I am DONE destroying myself
I will start Anew
This is my new begining
Stick around
I hope you like the Veiw

From the ashes
of a Shattered mind
I rise Anew

I guess you cant see
the pain in my eyes
Or  hear
the pain in my voice
or the pain
I hide in my text

Where are you
when I really need you?

I need you now
I need you to be there

Where are you?

So what if I'm being a *****
So what if I'm acting rude
Right now I think I am allowed

I dont care anymore
I dont give a rats ***
I'm sooo past done

Just going through the motions
not taking anything in
Not caring about anything

I know its mean
and I know its not right
But trust me
right now its for the best

Its either that or a mental break down
My emotions are bubbling up
and I cant stem the flow

I need to remove myself from it all
so I can quietly and calmly
pull my self together
I'm sorry If that hurts you

I'm not trying to be mean
I'm not trying to push anyone away

I just need to do this for me
I hope you understand

Goodbye
I cant do this anymore
The fire in me
is flaming no more

I am nothing but a mistake
I wasnt meant for this life
I shouldnt be around

I'm
a **** up
a failure
a burden
a joke
of a human being

I will never change
I will always be this way
so what is the point
of continuing this exsistance?

Goodbye

I'm sorry

This place is Hell
The walls made of fire
The air is putrid smelling smoke

Its slowly suficating me
Breaking me down
killing me
from the inside out

This Place is Hell
Taking away my freedom
Taking away what is me

The floor is lava
Burning me
with every step I take

Trying to  break my spirit
Succeeded
I am broken

My go lucky attitude disapates
****
Now I am just
a broken little robot
One of their creations

Normally I'm kind
I'm always cracking jokes
Making everyone laugh

I put others before me
I let them treat me
whatever way they want
not caring if its wrong

My words, my bark
is worse then my bite
I can threaten with words
but could never raise my fist

But
you
have
pushed
me
to far

I'm sharpening my fangs
Getting my claws all nice and sharp

I may have a long fuse
But you just lite it
and soaked it in gasloline
KABOOM

Better run
Better Hide
I will find you
and then you will
really know
what My bite
can do

>:-)

Baby take me away
Take me away from here
Hold me in your arms
and never let me go

This place is destroying me
its chiping and eating away
I'm so afraid
that soon there
will be nothing left

When I think of tomorrow
of being here again
my eyes burn
and tears fall

Baby hold me in your arms
Close to your heart
Take me away from here

Because if I stay any longer
There wont be any thing left to hold

I sit here and stare
at the harsh Blue veins
peering out of my
pale white skin

I sit here and trace
along the blue lines
that hold my life's blood

How easily it would be
to sink a blade
across these lines

As I sit on the picnic table
that is supported by the deck
I absorb the scenery
That is all around me.

I see the little nest that had been deserted
and left to protect itself against
the harsh winter that lay ahead.

I look down to see the snow covering
the ground's true beauty and wonder
if the snow will ever go away.

Then I look at the old tree with
its bare limbs coated with a layer
of the two week old snow.

All of a  sudden a little gray squirrel
climbs over the rusted old fence thinking
he will find some acorns in my backyard,
only to find he had been wrong.

I guess  I never really noticed how beautiful
my backyard could be.
I always thought it
was like everyone Else's,

but as I sit on this picnic table
I see the true beauty
that the snow has hidden all winter long.

I lay quietly in my bed.
The open window above my head blows the soft blue curtain over me.
I sit up and go behind the curtain.
I open the window a little more.

The cold night wind whips my face.
It feels good against my burning skin.
I rest my head on the window sill and close my eyes.
The sounds of the night comes rushing to my ears.

I hear crickets playing their dispair filled songs.
While the hedge sways in the wind with their old bones cracking.
A distant dog barks at the night shadows.
A lonely car drives by its tires spitting pebbles.

Behind the curtain with the window open.
The moon shining it's light down on my.
It feels like a whole other world.
So peaceful and beautiful that only I know

Maybe if they had fought more.
Maybe if they had yelled or screamed.
It wouldn't have been as great of a shock.

I had no warning.
No hint at all.
They covered up the signs so well.

On the day they told us.
The news stabbed my heart.
The tears, I couldn't hold back.

My family was splitting apart.
Daddy was moving out.
He and Kellie were getting a divorse.

It shattered my world.
It tore traditions apart.
My world was never the same.

My hopes that maybe they would get back together.
Were smashed to microscopic peses.
The day Daddy intruduced us to his new girlfriend.

It's been over two years.
And the pain hasn't gone away.
It still seems like a terrible nightmare.

I can't think of a poem.
All filled with rhymes.
That flows like a river,
Or fits like a charm.
I just can't think of a poem,
That the teacher will mark with an A+.
No detailed words come to my mind.
I think and think for hours on end,
Nut I just can't do it,
Can't think of a poem.
Can you?

Blood red petals disguised by
blackness thick as fog.

Forest green stem hidden
in a vase of dark brown.

wilting from the lack of
strength to go on.

abandon to die no
longer able to light up a room.

lifting it's head the roses
struggle to get some light.

But sinks back down and accepts
it's fate of becoming Roses in the dark.

The Leopard
The Fox
and the Kitty
a very unlikely bunch
different in every aspect

The leopard
Speaking his mind
Opinions spewing
the oldest
but maybe not the wisest

The fox
The fighter
The poet
she is the youngest
but definatlly the wisest

The kitty
Court jester
most subborn
tap dancing her way through life

But somehow
these three make it work
Protecting eachother
always have the others backs
The perfect disfuncional
Three musketeers

The cold waters hit my feet
As I stare out at the nothingness
That is the sea

The water laps at my ankles
stealing away all the warmth
in my body

a horrid chill seeps in
dragging up the misery
that was locked away in my heart

A crushing weight presses
down on my chest
threatening to suffocate me

The water hits my legs
I stare down at the
criss crossing scars

The scars
where cold metal
Met fragile flesh

The Metal sliced as the
Flesh snagged and gave
letting blood flow

The water laps at my knees
Obscuring the Scars
Hiding my past once more

The Pressure on my chest
Gets heavier, threatening
to cut off my oxygen

Final thoughts
start crashing in
Like the menicing waves before me

The water tugs at my waist
growing impatient
wanting me for itself

The water bites me
with its icy jaws
slowly pulling me under

My life flashes before me
As I realize how pitiful
and sad it had been

The water closes over my eyes
drowning away my life
Then.....

..........There Was Nothing

White powder
NO
its definitally not Flour

Clear bitter liquid
NO
It's definitally not water

Needle after needle
NO
Its definitally not a doctor's shot

All these addictions
All these Drugs
Swirlled around me

But I didnt touch them
I kept away
I had my own

Little White pills
NO
they aren't my ADHD medicine

Swallow them
Snort them
Take me away

Blissful numbness
To zoned out to think
Perfect sanctuary

The high
I could Fly
I was invincible

The Crash
the reality came back
with a harsh flash

Needing more pills
to keep the high strong
More and more

More
more
more

Suddenly
They are gone
Leaving me to my own Devices

My stomach turns agaisnt its self
Can't keep anything down
Twisting painfulling in knots

A Cold sweat breaks
Shaking so hard
can't think straight

I need them
I need them
I need them

Pray for death
Pray for pills
Pray for this to end

I need them
I need them
I need them

"oh she has the flu"
Stupid doctor
what do you know?

can't you see
my desprete need
My need for those little white pills

I
Need
THEM

Months go by
feels like eons
feels like I'm in hell

Without them I am plauged
by horror and pain
depression peaking

Slowly my body heals
My need dims
My need disapates

5
years
go by

Addiction no more
Dependent no more
Little pill free

But every now and then
I feel that itch
just below my skin

the itch for a pill
for the numbness it brings
Every now and then

No matter how sober
I will always be recovering

Because when you were addicted to pain meds
It's hard not to relapse

You're lucky I wasnt there
You're lucky I did not see
Because If I had
you would still be in the cold hard ground
But I'd be in Jail
not loosing a wink of sleep

You have Cunfuzled
the cunfuzled
in the cunfuzlment
Art of cunfuzlism

if you dont understand
then you just arent
as cunfuzliness as we

Sleep is that thing
that eludes me
and taunts me
with its nightmares.

A smell of wine and cheap perfume

Spilling from his earphones

It goes on and on and on

As he grins up at me

Strangers Waiting

Grab my wrists pushing me to the ground

Up and down the boulevard

Climbs on top tugging down my jeans

Their shadows searching In the night

I kick and I scream Pleading him to stop

Streetlights, people Livin' just to find emotion

No one's around to hear my call

Hidin' somewhere in the night

I close my eyes ready to just give in

Don't stop believin'

God of mischeif
and chaos
Born frost Giant
Grew up Asgardian

Always in his brothers shadow
Darkness spread in his heart
Bitter and angry
Hatred settled in

Retailate
Lashing out
spreading chaos
everywhere he goes

Evil creature
in the dark
Standing on his own
turned his back against it all

But deep within
that blackened heart
there is a spark
in that rotten soul

Goodness within
deep
Very deep
within

Just wants to belong
Wants to be equal
to his brother
To make Odin Proud.

Evil creature
in the dark
Standing on his own
turned his back against it all

Stupid people on the phones
Call me slander
call me your words

You think I care?
You think you hurt?
HAHAHAHA
Yeah RIGHT

You're rudness
and your hate
Just become the butts of jokes
Making my day

Stupid people on the phones
Talk down to me
Make fun of me

You think me stupid?
You think me Niave?
HAHAHAHA
yeah RIGHT

I know more then you think
I can hear you talking
I hear your murmers

Stupid People on the Phones
just remember
you cant see me

While you hate
and slander
and talk down to me

You dont see me
through this screen
you dont see what I do

Stick my tungue out
Stiffling my laughter
******* in the air

So to all you stupid people on the phones
Think twice about being rude
to a sales person
We can be twice as cruel.

Me and you
You and me
Brother and sister
sister and brother

Smoke it up

I'm hungry
where's the green beans?

Take a walk
through darken fields

Fireflies dancing
Green lights flashing
Tripping out
Freaking out

ONES IN MY HAIR
Swat it
attack it
watch it fall

Feel so bad
pick it up
place it in my palm
watch it flit around

walk on
through another field
its green light
fading

Fly away
little firefly

As we
brother and sister
sister and brother
continue our crazy
drug fueled aventure

In a busy town
In massachusetts
there is this college
BCC

At this cozy college
there are 8 buildings
But one has capture my heart completly
G BUILDING

Walk through the sliding glass doors
Around the corner
through the lunch room
To the Dinning hall

Noise assult my ears
Beeping video games
shouts of triumph
Kpop and metal music

Tables littered with playing cards
Yugioh
Pokemon
Magic

People as different as can be
From all corners of the social spectrum
Popular
and geeks

Join together in a crazy dance
A swirling brightly colored tango
Joined together
by mutal intrest

Riker, dear Riker
puple fadora ever present
My "Co-****"
a founding father of the trolling company

Damien, Oh damien
Your strangness growing stranger
Your hair of deception
Another founding father

Jose, Dear Lord Jose
You're pervertenss proceeds you
Cat calling
Video gaming

Holly, sweet Holly
Looking innocent and sweet
Masking your wildness
underneath

Nathan, My Naten
My best friend through the ages
Opinions flying
Jungle juice by your side

Casey, My sweet sweet Casey
Ghost story devourer
Trusting you with my secrets
Everyone's little sister

John, John of the lake
Annoying as hell
but loveble all the same
only kind things to say

Josh, Or should I say Shoji
Big Brother
Laptop out
Video game in

Matt, My lovely Matt
This is where we met
Fate intervined
brought us together

This is where I belong
This island of misfits
This G building gang
This is my home.

She's a fighter through and through
Seen so many things
in her 18 years

Some to horrid to name
Some so heartbreaking it will make you cry
some so joyous you will shout with glee

She is a fighter through and through
She'll flatten her ears and hiss
claws out ready to fight
for what she believes

Blonde hair
blue eyes
A bekon of light

My hero
my partner in crime
my sister

Keep Your Chin Up
My poster states back at me
In my tiny cubicle

Keep Your Chin Up*
It winks at me
telling me good things will come

Keep Your Chin Up
SHUT UP
I DONT CARE

My chin is starting to hurt
from keeping it up
from hoping things will come

I just want to put it down
crawl in a hole
and cease to exist

I have never met you
I have never laid eyes on you
But I understand you
I get where you are coming from

for I have been there once
or twice before

You're at your edge
the end of your rope
your breaking point

You want to give in
Take a dive
off that old bridge

Please stay
I'll take your hand
and help you down.

I promise it will be ok
It may seem murky
and foggy now
but relax breathe deep

Becuase ending it is permanent
its forever
And even the most heartbreaking Pain
Will fade over time.

From
Your
Friend

There is nothing like
almost colliding
with a moose
on your way home
from work
................
..Stupid Maine nightlife

Fold the paper
Corner to corner
Whisper secrets in its creases
Mold it
shape it
to whats its meant to be
String it up
for everyone to see

I am like a paper crane
Folded and molded
by the society around me
Strung up
for everyones enjoyment

Unable to fly
Unable to be free

No More

Cut the strings
Spread my wings
and Soar

And finally
FINALLY
I'll just
be Me

Never dreamed this would happen
Never dreamed I'd be talking to him
Never thought I would consider him....
..... A friend

But I guess he is.
Huh Who would have known?

Treat me like that
Throw me away like trash
and watch my eyes
go from Blue to black
As revenge starts forming
in my mind

I'll write my name in gasoline
in your pathetic front lawn
Strike a match
and watch it burn