What I want
is to have a family
that isnt scattered across the east coast.

What I want
is to not have this feeling
Of Being out of place.

What I want
Is...

Oh hell I dont know what I want anymore
My thoughts are to tangled to decipher my feelings

Take center stage
in this play called life.
where the script is
lost to you

The main act
is your self destruction.
For all the world to see

Your dagger held close
scars spanning every inch of skin.

Should I end it? Should I stay?
The ****** of this life's play

Bring it down to your wrist
the pulse rising as your delima grows

the world holds its breath
everything slows down

The turning point

throw down the dagger
it clanks to the wooden floor
Stand on this stage
look life in the eye

*I quit it with the suicidal recital

Breathe becomes short
Trying so hard to take a deep breathe
and all you get in return is a shallow
imitation of the real thing.

Chest squeezing your lungs
as if they are lemons
and it wants every last drop.

Vision fuzzing
as if suddenly a contact fell out
and your left with the water down
version of the world around you

Fear snaking in
breaking your walls
planting their seeds
in the inner most part of your brain

You shake and shiver
no matter the tempature.
It could be 90
but you'd think
it was 20 below.

Feeling that you need to run
get away from here
but you dont know why

This is what its like
when anxeity takes over
when it decided to take up residence
inside you
and makes you realize
That you never stood a chance

i was just outside
smoking a cigarette
in my usual little spot
when i could've sworn
the scent of your skin
had just fluttered right
past me too fast for
me to catch it and
all i could think was
that it is just like you
to stop by, then leave
before i knew you were
even there in the first place

He looks up at me with pleading eyes.
I stare down at him with a harsh glint in mine,
a cruel smile spread across
my ruby red lips.

kneeling at my feet
groveling his sorrows
begging his regreat.

I just stare down at him
thoughts swirling around
my sadistic riddled brain.

I unfurl the whip
letting it slowly make its way to the floor
a Sudden sharp cruel snap
rings through the air.
As I slap it against the ground

*I am your mistress Now

My thoughts
up and down
side to side
in every which direction
zooming around to fast
for me to pull them
and examine them

should I just stay here
And leave everything
and everyone behind
and in my past?

should I cling to them
for dear life
and pray I get to them soon?

should I just run away
from this place
and start over completly new?

a new me
that no one knows
make a new life?

OR........

Should I take this knife
and plunge it into my
blackening heart
and crush my soul?

I just dont know
anything anymore

I've only known you for
hmmmmm
a month or so
But within that month
we've grown so close

You tell me you care
that you hold me dear.
Well the same goes for you.

I help you out whenever I can
You let me vent without judgement
your words are sweet
our talks sometimes brightens my day.

BUt sometimes......
Oh I dont know.......

But then you went
and talked down to me
you belittled me
and mocked me

What do you take me for?
Just a person at your disposal?
Some child who needs scolding?

That hurt
I didnt think you would do that
From him Yeah I expect it
But YOU!
You left me sitting here at my desk
staring at your words
crying silently.

Now I'm questioning everything.
If you could so easily treat me that way.
was this whole freindship a ruse
for your own personal gain?

I'm sitting here a day later still pondering this mystery.
and came up with one simple question to ask you.

*What am I to you?