Fel - Hello Poetry

Fel Jan 2014

One solo to write
Two upcoming performances
Three half days
Four core classes
Five hours of school
Six semester exams
Seven different teachers
Eight cups of coffee
Nine hours of sleep
Ten minutes of free time
Eleven smiling faces
Twelve bars of music to memorize

....and I am not doing a thing!

Fel Jan 2014

In the Key of Bb

We met in the key of Bb
In that small room
With all the others
It wasn't the first time I saw you though
It wasn't the first time I held you
But it was the first time
I saw you
And held you
And knew you were now mine.

We got to know eachother in the key of Bb
At first our ride was a little bumpy
I was inexperienced,
I didn't like you much at first.
But you were patient
You had been through this before
Time and time again.
Others had had you
But now I have you
And that's all that matters

I made friends in the key of Bb
Because of you, I met good people
Loving people
Friendly people
People I can trust
Which are hard to find.
You introduced me to them.
Every.
Single.
One.
These are people I'll know
For the rest of my life

I started a new chapter of my life in the key of Bb
New places, new faces
You helped me fit in
I felt uncomfortable
But you made me right at home
You made my home my home
That other small room
Much like the one I mentioned earlier
Is now my place of peace
Where I feel most calm
Where I can be myself

I found passion in the key of Bb
On that field
Under those stadium lights
That's where I found myself most.
You made me do unnatural things
Things most people
Wouldn't want to do
And you made me do it
Because of my love for you
A love I hadn't truly defined yet
But that came
After the first show
I started to truly believe
In the magic of you
I had my doubts,
But all of those are gone

I realized what I wanted to be in the key of Bb
This was when I fully found my love for you.
This was in my third year of being with you
I truly believed by then
In this magic that has engulfed me
You have given me an opportunity
To do something I've never done.
To travel the world
To perform for hundreds, thousands
To live.

I found love in the key of Bb
You introduced me to him
He's amazing
And he loves you, too.
He has a passion for you as well
And he found me
In the key of Bb

And sometimes
You're a little ******* me
You made me hurt
In ways I never hurt before
But you made me feel joys
That I had never felt before

You gave me friends
You gave me love
You gave me a passion
You gave me a family

What could I do without you?

Can you guess what this poem is about?

Fel Jan 2014

Impossibility

Man, I can't shake this feeling
An almost excruciating emotion I have for you that
Remains on my mind.
Something tells me you're feeling it too, but
How could it be? I
Almost think I'm delusional. I
Lack qualities most look for. How could someone
Like you love someone like me?

Fel Jan 2014

Cravings

Sweaty palms*
That's what I have as I walk around the mall.
My eyes dart everywhere, looking for anyone looking for me.
******* ******* *******

I feel like a duck in water
Everything on the surface is calm and composed
But secretely I am freaking out
On the inside

I feel the uncomfortable stab of the box
I placed in my pants
To hide it from everyone
A thing for myself

I was craving it again today
And I caved in*

I know that some day I'll have to repay
I can't deny

I promise I will repent
One day...

...and until then
I'll satisfy my cravings.

Fel Jan 2014

New Year's Cheers

Cheers!
They encourage me
We get to start all over
They say

This year was
Good and bad
Started out okay enough
At a place similar to this

This next year, however
Will* be better
My life dreams will be realized
I'll do somethin I've always wanted

This year will be good

Or, at least good enough

Fel Jan 2014

Just Some Thoughts

I just feel
It's amazing
How you may be in
A room full of
Friendly enough people
Yet feel completely alone

But this aloneness
Isn't always loneliness
I can be by myself
But enjoying my own company
And others will offer
Things to me
And all I want is to be
Left alone

No, I'm not lonely
No, I would not like to dance
No, I am completely fine
No, I don't want your company
Please, go away

I'm enjoying myself

Fel Dec 2013

Sometimes

Sometimes I hate myself.
Sometimes I think I'm no good.
Sometimes I think everyone hates me.
Sometimes I think my family can't wait for me to leave.
Sometimes I think my friends can barely put up with me.
Sometimes I think of self-harm.
Sometimes I think a razor blade might help.
Sometimes I think what the world would be like without me.
Sometimes I dream of being someone else.
Sometimes I dream of not being born.
Sometimes I wish my body were different.
Sometimes I wish I had more.
And that more would be enough.

Yet...

Sometimes I love myself.
Sometimes I think I'm decent.
Sometimes I think I'm loved.
Sometimes I think my family will miss me terribly.
Sometimes I think my friends think I'm amazing.
Sometimes I think of changing the world.
Sometimes I think of helping others.
Sometimes I think what the world would be like without me.
Sometimes I'm happy that I am me.
Sometimes I think what if I wasn't born.
Sometimes I love my body.
Sometimes I believe I have enough.
And that I have everything I need.