You look so happy dressed in chains
Sorry you didn’t have that extra second to put a bullet into your brain
They died and the police came for you
You tried but you lost the ******* game didn’t you
Ain’t it funny no one cried
Ain’t it a shame you didn’t die
I bet you planned it out like you knew what to do
I guess that’s just how it goes when life puts fight into you
Right now it’s just a dream of mine
To see their misty eyes and the “please!” and the night
That descends all around their languished cries
I might kiss them goodbye
I might **** myself before I try
Before I see the last light leave their eyes
I’ve heard it felt like I won’t feel empty inside
I like that idea, I’d like that life

Big hands, oh his hands, wrap around my neck like you’re my pretty necklace
I said I could feel **** but I was lying
All I need is the violent leanings of mean men
When did you last ******, dear
I’m still itching to find us there

Take me down when you’d like to
I know you’ve planned it all out, I don’t doubt
You’d like to take my world away
The mask will stay
I’m on my way to being someone great

Do you believe I’ve done this a hundred times
Drug you along just to feel alive, I cry empty words
I bet you’d like to see underneath that hurt
Do your damnedest, try your luck
Drink the liquor, take the ****
Take it angry, **** me up

If I’d have known I would have stopped my games
But imagine all of your longing finally reaching it’s aims
I still wish myself dead and of you the same
Do you still want to do it for me
Do you still agree
Hold a ******* gun to my head or stick it in my mouth
Watch me cry and ******* to it
Shave your whole fist down my throat
And laugh and laugh and *** and gloat

Is this the rest of my life
I feel nothing and I don’t even like to
I’m just angry that I couldn’t even if I tried to
I’m just wishing I never had a life to live through
A true crime kid ***** because of ****, ******, and glibness
People using me is where it is

do i speak to ghosts
the pathological lies of those who fool me
and in dreams
do i see the darkness of ever-approaching
infinity

Wake me
A drive by red stoplight
Up and over
The land - the hills
The urge to keep itching, keep scratching

Keep me from mundane
Familiar conversation with no thought
Nothing guiding
No real meaning
Introspection and motives lost
As the moment passes

Achingly slow, that fire
Runs through the ground and ignites
A smolder - I’m older and I don’t really feel the years

A hand reaching backwards
Tells me to keep up
Lest the conversation pull me away

I. Sit with me on the cement
Test my mind
Fill my head with platitudes

II. Oh, the wonders of the body
Not yours, just mine
Leaving kisses on Weekday afternoons

III. I drink too much wine
Soft-core **** and Halloween binge
You tell me I am too much

IV. There wasn’t ever anything
But I had been held
You were too old, anyway

V. I can’t tell you how I admire you
Too often, I hope
But I am obsessed

VI.   *****-filled and hot chocolate
Defend my honor, cadet
Grow tall and stronger

VII.     How can I decipher
Your logic when I am drunk
How was I supposed to know you wanted to be what he was to me?

VIII.   Innocent laughter, we dance
I know not what to do
On your lap, with my hands

IX.   Friend, what we were
A blacked-out night
We finally kissed