I've been struggling lately
I've never felt like I was worth much
So the idea of suicide was always in the back of my mind
There have been times where breathing even became a burden
The nights when I didn't sleep became unrelenting
Normal everyday conversations took all of my energy
I didn't really see anything in me
And when it came to Kai
I gathered all my life just so I could keep hers going
Until I ran out
After losing her there wasn't much left of me
I have a friend who has been trying to convince me to stay
But I have one broken heart and one stubborn brain
But she is beautiful with a smart mouth and when she talks, I listen
And if she can see something in me then I should be able to see something in myself
Life is meant to change
Every day
Every second
The more you fight it the more you hurt yourself
I've hurt myself for far too long
She told me that if I left, she'd be heartbroken
Just like I was when Kai left
I know suicide is the wrong answer to a question with multiple solutions
I'm slowly regaining my life
I have to use what's deep inside
And continue preventing suicide

TO ALL POETS

Each of us is different
yet we are (bottom-line)
the same
true to self
that's what really  matters
words are the joys and tears of our heart
none can stop them--never, ever

What's your favorite flower?

If we could stay inside all day,
laying on the bed together
amidst our books and papers and photographs

Maybe the lawn's on fire,
but we smile at each other
the grass stays green & there's no housework

I'll kiss you behind your ear and lead you into the garden
I'll hold your hand and give you the heart you stole
we'll drink cold water and inhale the cool breeze under a black silky sky,
liquid stars

Even if the neighborhood is under attack
we'll be ok in our house
listening to our breaths and diffusing the bombs under our bed.

The very moment it starts raining is the most beautiful thing.
The skies open up and one single drop is brave enough to fall.
It hits the ground, splattering.
The other raindrops come crashing down,
enveloping everything.

I feel so safe
when it’s raining.
The sound calms me,
the drops lightly pitter-patter on my skin
as I sit on the roof outside my room.
I stare off into the distance,
trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do
with thoughts racing through my head.

My covert tears, hidden by the rain streaming down my face,
define all that I am.
Depressed.
Lost.
Worthless.

I feel so safe
when it’s raining.
So safe, in fact, that I let my walls come down,
and my emotions fight me with self-deprecating thoughts.
All hell breaks loose in my mind,
but you wouldn’t even be able to tell
because the rain always washes my pain away.

Minds are dark places
When all you can do is lay in bed nothing is safe anymore
There is no fear or insecurity that is off limits
I can't escape
Even in my dreams they follow me
Death just seems so easy
And I know it's selfish believe me
I am trying not to act how I feel
Everything is becoming real
Depression creeps up from the ground and encloses my body
Covering every crack and gapping hole because it knows I'm already empty
Because the only thing that fuels fear is more fear
And everyday I take a heaping dose of doubt and play my usual role
The need to bleed is very prevalent
But I don't even want to try anymore
Because the more I say I'm fine the more I don't care
And why should I?