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 Jan 2014 Faith Barron
Katelyn
sick to the bone
i was tired of words i could not swallow
"i've been starving myself"
of food of hope of love of lust
i was tired of diving into toilet bowls
"i do not like to throw up"
i insisted this but my fingers did not listen
life lesson or self pity?

ingesting smoke
i was afraid this was all i could eat today
the fridge had told me different
and the cabinets too
i am tired of teary eyed binging
"i have to leave you alone"
i reiterated but i could never have enough
selfish promise or short term goal?

dizzy accusations
this was all my fault
i swallowed my words whole
and could never spit them out
it's starvation eating me up
i am tired of leaving tables early
"i could have stopped myself"
but my legs have proven otherwise
routine or bad habit?
 Jan 2014 Faith Barron
Emily
I like to pretend that I have a tough exterior
That my mind is strong
And that the words and actions of others
Don't bring me down
But that couldn't be further from the truth
I'm so weak
I'm pathetic
It takes seconds
No time at all
For my mind to transport me to a place
A place where I think I'm hated
A place where I believe I'm unwanted
I'm so vulnerable at all times
When one little thing doesn't go as I expected
I freak out
I assume the worst
I make up hypothetical situations in my head
Situations in which nobody loves me
And nobody cares for me
Situations in which I'm ignored with ease
And forgotten quickly
It probably sounds selfish
As if I solely care about what people think of me
But in actuality
It stems from a deep self hatred
I hate myself in such a way
That I couldn't possibly imagine a world
Where people could genuinely love me and care for me
It's no wonder my relationships fail
With not only lovers
But with family and friends as well
© Mela 2014
darkened shadows grow
fingers dance across the keys
ivories sing quieted melodies
haunted lyrics fall from soft lips
notes tear at memories
strangling the weaken mind
chilling, despair shivers
frozen down to the marrow
brittle bones break
struggling to turn away
backwards tiptoe
fallen prey
awakened mechanical gears turn
tirelessly rewinding time
prisoner to cruel nightmares
viscous claws reach
pulling another string
twisting again the marionette
poised, taking center stage
a broken lullaby echoes
quietly from within her cage
The storms are pounding
Destruction is rampant
No end seems in sight.
The day is endless
The night never ending
Will it ever, ever be right?

Lightning crashes
Winds are swirling
Torrents of water fall down.
The earth is shaking
The shelter is breaking
Thunderous sound resound.


Above the storm
the Calm prevails
Overlooking the turmoil below.
Awaiting the return
of order again
That Peace and Calm bestow.


Then it is over...

No more pounding
Silence, beautiful silence
Comes whispering in the ears.
The Earth becomes firm
The Sun is still shining
It dries up all the tears.

Through the debris
New hopes arise
Covering the scars below.
Growing stronger, stronger
As strength rebounds
Renewed by the seeds we sow.

Repairing the damage
Replacing the lost
Moving forward with or without.
Finding Hope in the future
as Faith reaches upward
Redeeming Love without a doubt.

--------------------------------
When the storms of life
Cause turmoil and strife,
The Son dries all my tears.
When all seemed lost
I counted the cost
Turned over all my fears.

I am surviving.
I am stronger still.
(c) 11-19-2010
Completed 11-22-2010 for Jen



https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zF01Lz-oQ0wZn7pS-rdzByVonQvZpmBK/view?usp=drive_web
This is a story about a boy named kid
This boy had something he kept hid
Kid had something deep down inside
It was a quality different from many others
One that at the time worried their mothers
And disgusted their brothers
Friends would think him weird
Father would not accept him, this is what he feared
So he kept it a secret
He kept it for so long
Cause’ what he thought what he was feeling was so wrong
This thinking was instilled in him by society
The norms of life would not accept this variety
So he went on
Proceeding with life, terror and shame weakening his knees
Shaking when he sees the police
This boy will never know peace

At first he thought he would never tell
Preachers told him that he would go to hell
But another boy came along
A boy that he trusted
A boy that he loved
He became best friends with him
And one day he decided to reveal his secret to this boy

You see, this boy was not a boy at all
There was a reason he didn't stand so tall
This boy was a girl
She truly was
She told him about how she felt trapped inside this body of hers
She wondered aloud if this type of thing normally occurs
And she was tired of hearing all these sexist, homophobic, ridiculous slurs
She felt like she didn't belong in her own skin
She was scared that if she tried to change, she wouldn't fit it
She felt that this was a punishment for a sin
She revealed all to this boy, her closest friend
The one she learned to lean on and depend
She entrusted him; she made a mistake

Pretty soon word got out
Everyone knew her secret
She had no idea the boy wouldn't keep it
Tormented throughout the rest of the day
When she asked, no one wanted to play
She received ***** looks when she walked through the halls
She felt that she was taunted by everyone and the walls
And the teachers couldn't even look at her face
This girl felt like she was a disgrace
She felt like she had no place

When she got home, in the night the sorrow of the evening made her heart nearly burst
Not only was she betrayed by her friend, but by her family as well
Her parents couldn't look at her
Her brothers ran away when she came near
This is what she had come to fear
On her face was but a single tear

This tear, was not one made of sorrow or woe
This magical concoction was not made of anger or regret
It was a tear of pity
The girl stood defiant of them all
In this battle, she knew society would be the first to fall
She understands that she came into the world at the wrong time
She realized, it wasn’t acceptance from others that she wanted to find
She needed to accept herself
To be and act like whom she was on the inside
Not to comply with the cookie cutter form the world bestowed upon her
That night while she lay in bed
She smiled at the thought in her head
The thought of the future
The thought that in the future, kids like her would be accepted by everyone
They would be allowed at sleepovers
Wouldn't be looked down upon, or look up and see a disgusted face
Would be loved the same way by their family
Wouldn't feel like an outcast
She smiled for their future
She knew she had to stay strong for them
She knew she would never be accepted by anyone else
But she knew what she must do, be true to herself
Not sure why I felt the urge to write about this subject, but it felt right, to write it
People say, "You're too big, why you into poetry?"
Seriously?
Honestly
This body's always to big for me
Completely
Utterly
Trapped, trying to break free
Society can't see
Beyond my skin, see the real me
Outsides hard, insides sapply
Hard to live happily
Every second scream out madly
Sometimes it hurts so badly
Times they see me for me is hardly
I wake up sorely
Yawn throughout the day boredly
Still making fun of me? I messed you up accordingly
Now wonder you were always so scareda me

I wonder why
I can't deny
Why I was given this body that lives a lie
A new appearance I might buy
Given the chance I might try
The gods I would defy
But I feel I may cry
Feel like they pushed me off the rye
Thoughts end with a sigh
They always think that I'm not the type of guy
But here I am now, my oh my
Brains begin to fry
Tongues begin to tie
All in favor of me? Aye
I'm staying this way until the day I die
Until then I continue to fly, high in the sky
**This is who I am
I need an outlet for these emotions to spill
Their bubbling at the surface, I've had my fill
It’s hard keeping this raw energy contained
It hurts, lately I've been living life pained.
Try to talk them out
Don’t have the courage to tell what about
Anger, regret, happiness, sad just to name a few
Out of my head they spew
Paper is the gateway from my thoughts to reality
But if anyone should read, would they question my morality?
Or reject my personality?
Load my pen up with my feelings
The words I write are healing's
A chance to relieve some pressure
Filled up too much to measure
To release is such a pleasure
To find peace, I search for that treasure
But if I leave my mind alone
Mind and reason will be overthrown
By the fists of thought, hammering at the walls with a desperate tone
Seeds of self-destruction I have sewn
All chances to stop it, I have blown
This is the only way I can survive
This solution was the only thing I could contrive
Maybe through written words I could thrive
If not, my soul would dive
Down deep into the bowels of darkness
Salvation would truly be hopeless
But for now, the abyss will just tease
Until I have no more use for writing, my heart will never be at ease
Oh this liberating ink
 Nov 2013 Faith Barron
Sarah
Aren't we all just broken pieces
Of everything we wanted to be?
All the shattered remains of dreams,
Scattered for the world to see?

I see a piece of you, before me now
Reflecting every word you said to me
If I pick it up, I would cut myself
On the jagged edge of your sanity

Yet I hold it tighter, this little piece of you
I can't give it to you, not just yet
I'm still not done picking up
All these dreams you left to crack

You don't see the way all these pieces
Shine your smile back at me and you
Won't you let me place the last shard now?
Won't you let it sparkle like it should?

Because you don't see the little pieces,
All the ones I've left far behind
Hidden under a smile because
I still need you to pick up mine ~
Dedicated to the girl I would die for if it made her smile, my best friend~
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