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 May 2013 F White
Shawn
lucy rose
 May 2013 F White
Shawn
in these years spent searching
for one to join with on this journey,
i've learned of preference,

all i want in a future mate
is someone who laughs at my jokes
and speaks with a british accent,

i make jokes too often
for silence to be a common response,

if this is to last forever,
i need not learn of tumbleweeds
and their propensity to roll,

and i know that fights will come,
i know that there will be
words shouted, that bubble forth
like rabid froth, and i know
that in those quiet moments
that follow, there's nothing
i'd rather hear than
"i'm sah-ray".
 May 2013 F White
Liam
Futility
 May 2013 F White
Liam
angry with yourself
start self-defense mechanism
angry at the world
 May 2013 F White
Liam
Red
 May 2013 F White
Liam
Red
I'm seeing Red...with a capital R!

Let me tell you what you can do with those rose colored glasses
I'm seeing Red!

Life has copped an attitude
that I don't need
Got anything else to dump on me?
Bring it on...let's get it over with!

Since when is trying to do the right thing
just not good enough for you?
Give me a break
I mean, really ... I - need - a - break!

Yeah...heard it all before
Life isn't fair

But maybe it is...
maybe we do get what we give
and maybe virtue is its own reward
It just doesn't feel that way now!

So you can keep your platitudes to yourself
silver linings, lemonade, rainbows, open doors
The only inspiration I'm getting
is where they might neatly fit

I'm seeing Red!

Yeah...heard it all before
This, too, shall pass

Really?...then make it fast because I'm not sure
how much more of this I can take
And you can keep your kitchen sink
things are going down the drain fast enough

Chill out! I'm not going to stop following my heart
While I may not know exactly what I want from life
I do know the kind of person I want to be
It's just that right now...

I'm seeing Red...with a big fat capital R!
 May 2013 F White
Liam
personal journal musings from last week...*

Stopped in at my neighborhood pub last night
  a couple of pints, some word exchange
Colorful place on a perfect Spring evening
  people on tap, constantly spilling in and out

The place is bustling and packed
  loud and dynamic
Sound flowing on open air
  drifting in from sidewalk patio and out to beer garden

Luckily nab a lonely stool near the entrance
  girl sitting kitty-corner around curving end of bar
Casually we cover topics from her mac 'n cheese
  to wind chill generated by ceiling fans

Conversation is suddenly confiding
  prior night's end-all fight with her live-in boyfriend
Obvious need to talk to someone neutral
  bartenders are busy, so it's me and we do

She's come seeking emotional sanctuary
  awaiting his departure to some event
Unhappy with her role in the argument
  unhappy with the person she has become with him

They'd intended to go ring shopping
  as recently as last week
She now looks forward only to the comfort of
  quiet, pajamas, ice cream, dreamless sleep

Upon leaving, she twice asks that I promise
  to be here if she finds no solitude and must return
This is no request...more of an appeal
  alone in privacy is one thing...alone in festivity another

I promise twice - I'll be here
  she doesn't return
I sincerely hope that she's well on her way to
  an ice cream induced pj slumber

              Less than an hour later...same bar stool

Pleasingly boisterous bachelorette party arrives
  staking claim to a nearby parcel of floor
Numerous "excuse me" squeeze-throughs  for drink orders
  rendering me a semi-familiar bar obstacle

One reveless wedges in, questions me
  what color underpants do I have on...don't recall
Insists that we check...dark bluish-grey
  too bad...she was hoping for purple to match her own

Impishly waiting long enough for my mind to stew
  she finally reveals the query as part of a formal interactive checklist
I apologize for not being more daring in spectrum
  we laugh, nevertheless...strike one

Eventually exchanging pleasantries with another
  a more subtle approach, but the inquisition repeats
Here we go again...Batter up!...Red?...very sorry...strike two
  I'm feeling of no value to this effort

Red offers me a redeeming pitch from the list
  someone must serenade the bride-to-be
I accept and get to meet the veiled celebrity
  she wears an engaging and jubilant aura

Gauging the atmosphere, I decide against romantic
  opting for a song that playfully questions the sanity of her choice
From my heart, I sing the chorus to Matchbox Twenty's "Unwell"
  It goes over very well and I avoid strike three

She and I hit it off, we discuss her wedding plans
  discover our roots are in the same part of the city
I'm rewarded for my musical contribution
  allowed to buy her a shot of Patrón...the checklist dwindles

Now partaking in the excitement of their celebration  
  an honorary addition to the large but exclusive group
My joyous new acquaintance has us take a picture together
  a snapshot of this special occasion to which I've somehow been privileged

A train of waves, goodbyes, thanks, and good lucks
  trails the party as I watch it crawl to the next establishment
In the hushed cacophony, I return to my thoughts
  a fantastic diversity of emotional experience within two short hours

My elbows on the bar in sober contemplation
  counting crows ...one...two...juxtaposed
A contrast of simultaneous realities
  somberly lamenting vs vibrantly anticipating

Reflecting on the beauty in such contrasts
  that serve to define the images of our lives
I finally come to the inevitable conclusion
  it's time for another pint...of ice cream
 May 2013 F White
Liam
A Dark Matter
 May 2013 F White
Liam
if nothing exists
then nothing cannot exist
our brains colliding
 May 2013 F White
Rob
Flammable
 May 2013 F White
Rob
It’s unnerving how after all this time
Even with clarity of experience
Of the conflagration and how
that burning pain eased so slow, then subsided to a dull ache
and finally to acceptance
How after all that seeming resolution
You are still a pretty moth with slightly singed wings
who appears to see a light in me
And I am still fuel to your particular spark.
Always know where your extinguisher is :)
RD ©2013
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