hard and
soft the curves
of all of
you in
my memory
the different
lips I've
kissed, the
taste of spring
water.
pushed up
in the stalls
after school.
crammed,  
dark,  in
the car before
it turns
to morning
and the
memory of
irresistible fire
shooting  through
my legs,
is thin
and hollow
now that
the years
have covered
up the
feeling part
of my every-
-day- nerves
with an
awful gloss.

trapped in
vanity
mirrored by
humanity
lacking the
sanity
to classify
pacify my
inner demons
my mind is
screaming
protect it
reject it
lose face
respect it
solemnly
promising
to not lose
sight of
the honest
me. honestly
these rhyming
rap songs
on at work
are getting
to me.

there's a
storm out
there inside
here too.
but mine
doesn't melt
on my cheeks
when they are
warm.
it crystalizes
in my chest cavity
poking up
painfully when
I'm scared and
trying to breathe in.
and when I turn
out the lights
and try and pull
my security around
my body
the wind howls
reminding me
that even if I
shut the windows
I can still feel
the burn
of air coming in
on the tiny rips
in the sides
of my shield.

look for me when
there's light.
search for me from
the sidewalk.
peer up from the past
steer away from the
future.
but if you hurt, and
sting like fire...
I'll drop you here
splashing heat on my
toes
because ice can fix that.
but I
warn you now, memory
only
gets patched over,
not erased.

and it was you
and it was me then,
stuck together it was us.  
in a vessel.  
full of stars.

I want to
draw but
my hands don't
have those
dynamics I
want to sing
for you but
the words
and the melody
got caught in
an alleyway, had
a fight and
now they're
just not talking
so until
they do let's
just sit
wait this out
sip our water
and pray.

bounce back
forward
still behind.
if it
was the right
hand, even
when it does
feel right
and the gut
says no...
when will
I know
if my
gut just
felt like
lying because
it just doesn't
want to
be
attached to me
anymore?