My nose scrunched
                                                                ­     unsure of why my
                                                              ­       monkey bars mother slapped  
                                                       ­                        my curious nails
                                                           ­                                                                 ­         away
                                                            ­                   but I wanted,
                                                                ­                       but  just, I want
                                                            ­            to see what it looks like
                                                            ­     underneath the deep red patches
                                                         ­        it hurt when I saw the
                        ___________gro­und___________

                         ­                                       and
                                                                ­      not
                                                                ­          the
                                                   ­                            slippery
                                                        ­                                  yellow
                        ­                                                                 ­            slide
                   hitting the mulch wasn't ever
                   part of the flight instructions, those were
                   written by the kid who never stops
                                                           ­                             p   la y   i   ng  ----------          t   a g  

                               catch me but you won't know what to do once
                                                            ­    I'm   It

I'll be sent to the bench for my carelessness
reckless                                  of my attention
                   abandonment

then my nose will scrunch
when the centimeters of her ruler straight hand
slap away persistence
                                                                ­                                                     but but, just, I wanted
                                                                ­                                                                 ­     just wanted to

                                                             ­                                                            peek underneath

                                                                ­                                        at all the soft loveliness
                                                      ­                            the fresh renewal  
                      of skin that has never seen a bad day

There's this cat
that moans and moans
like it's going to hell.

It starts up
crying around 4 a.m.,
this ugly, pronounced
violent and deeply intonated
yowl.

It wakes me and Heather up,
it just comes into my dreams
and pulls me so hard
that I stumble back into this world
against this wall of sound
so ugly
that I'm tip-toeing insanity.

I want go out there
and strangle the ******* thing,
I want to find it where it yowls
and silence it.

heather says I'm the meanest person in the world
for wanting to strangle an animal
to
peices.

But the thing I hate is when an animal
lets the whole world
know
that
it's dying,
it won't let anybody get any sleep
until everybody in the vicinity
is standing around it
in pjs, boxers, doo rags, scarves
slippers,
gowns,
that pink thing Heather
got from
Walmart
watching the light of life being reduced
until this dying thing
begins burning
precious oxygen,
oxygen that we all need,
and it just becomes a waste
and a nuisance.

What do you think of me?
Really?

When you see me standing in front of you,
Is there an underlying feeling
Of knowing?

Do you know about the the butterflies
That fester in me
when I talk to you?
Or about you?
And I do,
talk about you.

Do you know that when I'm near you,
I lose myself
In the atmosphere?

Can you hear my heart
Beating right out of my chest?
I do my best to hide it.
But I can never tell.

Do you think I'm funny?
Like a clown,
Can I make you laugh?

Can I make you cry,
And feel the pain that wells up inside me
Before I pour my heart out
Onto this page?

Do I seem sagely enough to you?
Or wise?
That is what I'm trying for,
Approval.

Because,
When you stare at me
With those bright,
Bright eyes,
Let me feed from your energy and light,
I am (not quite) invincible.
But I am fearless.

That is close enough.

But that's not to say I'm not scared.
You terrify me.

If only you were aware
That when I write,
I write to you.
In hopes that each and every morning,
You'll ask for something new to hear.

That when you hear it,
Your mind soars to whole new worlds.
And you feel inspiration

Coarse through your veins
Like a hurricane, trapped.
Looking for a way out
Through your own fingertips.

Sprouting like grass in the spring time.

The way it does for me
when I hear the ringing of your voice.

You, leave my knees weak.
And I, am almost unable to speak in return.
But I do.
Because I want you to yearn for my lines.
Pine for my love.
Before you learn that you've always had it.

I want you to know that,
Although I seem shy right now
(If anything at all),
I want you.

Someday,
I will capture your attention
And keep you enthralled.
I will never take you for granted.

And when the time comes
When my time in your limelight is through,
I will bow out gracefully.
And never
Ever
Forget you.

Someday.
Somewhere.
Somebody
will write my biography.
I will never read it.
It won’t be about me.
It’ll be called, '1001 Days That Shaped the World'.
(Volume II)
There will be a bright eyed,
bushy tailed girl
mentioned on every page,

Because they told me I could do anything,
Someday.

But back then,
My hands were too small.
My plans were too big.
My climbing trees were too tall.

Anything, seemed so unlikely.
So overwhelming.
Sobriety told me to hide under my covers.
To stargaze at the impossible but only from the safest places,

Last night I discovered that if you keep your eyes open through the dark,
you could watch your dreams come alive while the sun rises.
You can leave your mark in history when they least expect it.
You can protect your memory long after the last person you knew is gone.

And today,
For the first time in too long,
anything finally feels
Real.
And present.
And possible.

Press your finger tips against mine
(You see in ways I cannot fathom)
Though they will never be close enough
To truly touch,

For between the fibers of your skin and mine
Grows a thickening membrane
Of impenetrable strength and power
Of keeping your world just so slightly different
From mine,

            so I can weep in waves of rapture
And yet you feel none of it.

The worlds we separately inhabit
(So linear, but unable to intersect)
Are near enough to interact
And allow our eyes to covet
That which we cannot reach or understand.

(But what are you, if not my reflection?)

If only I could breech this disconnect,
I would pull you in, and edify your soul
With the way in which my eyes do see thee,
And the way that I do love thee.
And perhaps
                  you would love me too.


Mais non, c’est impossible.

The kisses were empty
And touches blase'
I felt the disconnect
Long before I felt
You between my thighs
The tide was premature
And the flood pointless
Passion flourished fire
Love so demure
Thoughts became hushed
Under layers of lust
Clouded need
And as the fire fueled
Explosion didn't last
A lack luster come down
There was no way out
I was surrounded
Scarred where
Your fingers singed my skin
Scents of misplaced emotions
Smoldered between the sheets
Invading any space untouched
By our feinding bodies
Breath became stolen as
Faces became backs
Once again clothes covered
The naked truth
My eyes closed
Echoing the click of the lock
Stamping out the faint embers
Of what used to be
I felt the disconnect
Long before I felt
You between my thighs.