I, I, I
I hated you.
You've been dead a decade.
Frozen & old
6 feet under? O What a joke.
You might as well had been

Killed by Me.
Because I've killed you today
Grey hair and mustache
Black Ford pick-up, rusted and intense
Late at night, late at night
Stomping in, strong hand on the flask
Stomping in like an elephant
Authority rhino
Keep my trap shut.

And hide in my room.
Where I always am
A material boy, starchild
Shrine to the Material World
It's all I've ever known.

I, I -
I have found it hard to **** you dad
Revolving my head
Moon-dad I have given you up to the stars
Holding my blade
That moon is on a leash
A centrifugal satellite; gravity ghost

I,
I must be brave for you.
Slice, 3, 2, 1.
We're free.

thou art
my McDonald’s
my Walmart
if Norman Rockwell were alive
he would paint you,
pay tribute to you
immortalize you in two dimensions
allow you to believe
you would stride forever
like golden arches
and prices that end in the magical, mystical 7
but alas, nothing that smells and tastes of today
or is “Made in China”
sold by blue apron clad armies
will be etched on mountain sides
you, like the Big Mac
will be recycled in short order
and surrender helplessly
to the mocking march of time

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

when will mankind learn
theres a bell that always rings
to warn us of the changes
it is the cycle of things

we eradicate a pest
and it food source multiplies
its a shame in all our wisdom
we missed that with our eyes

so one problem gets replaced
with one caused by other things
you'd think by now we'd recognise
it is the cycle of things

Demonize the morally upright
patronize the silent worker
Victimize the celibate lady
Moralize the perverted ogor
Chastise till the world is numb
Finger her till she comes

Lately…I’ve been practicing sleeping.
I’ve had to take pills to make the thoughts in my head shut off,
Slow down,
Stop,
Long enough to catch some rest.

Now, one of the questions you may be pondering is: why?
Chances are, you know as much as me.
Though I do have a theory at this moment in time…
Maybe it’s because I have worries and fears,
Ones that aren’t always entirely mine.

For instance, my selachophobia can keep me up
All into the wee hours of the night.
A fear of sharks for those of you wondering
And no, I have NO idea as to the origin of this phobia,
Maybe you might...

But can you blame me, really?
Have you seen those things?!
They just aren’t right;

Heads shaped like torpedoes,
Black eyes that roll into the back of their heads,
Serrated sets of teeth like razor blades,
And you wonder why I can’t get to bed?!

It's been proven that some types of sharks
are so big that if they didn't live in the water
they'd be crushed by their own weight on land
Like whales left beached and dying on the hot, dry sand

Basically, anything that swims, floats or crawls in the deep,
THOSE are the creatures
that make me lose sleep!

Then, there are chalkboards,
Before you ask, no, they do not strike fear into my heart
I simply do not like to be near them
And the sound of peoples nails on them – no, no
...I refuse to even start

Then...there's this mouthful: Athazagoraphobia
Fear of being ignored, forgotten or forgetting.

See, ignored is something no one likes to be,
and forgetting is something I think everyone worries about
but being forgotten, left out or remaining unseen
Well, I can't imagine a worse destiny

But believe me,
I know where this phobia stems from.
It's my uncertainty of the future
Graduation's just one year to come...

I don't where I'll be going
I don't know if I'm going to stay
All I know for certain is that I'm going to lose contact with
some of them...someday

I worry that when people look back and think of me
That all they're ever going to see
Was girl with skirts and smiles
Bright eyes and wavy hair
they thought looked pretty.

Not a girl with thoughts
brimming from the tip of her tongue
Someone with a fiery determination
and a need to get things done

But, I suppose I'll have to accept
it's going to be just fine either way.
That all we're ever going to get to say,
are sweet nothings in passing
“Hi's” on each other's facebook walls

Nothing that really means anything
But I suppose that's just dandy, all in all.
The thing is though, I'm just not ready
Not ready to let go

To stop seeing them everyday
To no longer have them within arms-length
To hug and talk to and cuddle with
But for now, all I can do is pray

Pray that these good times will last
Make an imprint in my memory and theirs long enough to remain
Long enough to look back on when decades have passed
With absolutely no need to complain

I always want the comfort of knowing they'll be there
the very second I reach out and need them
Have them there on the other end of the line
To soothe me and keep my nerves at bay

But...eventually...I know we'll all be going our separate ways.

So...that's why I've been practicing sleeping
And I know I'm getting there
But the fears?
Well, the fears aren't really going to go anywhere.

ARGH **** ****
today hasn't been the best to me
thusly
woe betide they who cross my path
for today hasn't been the best to me
and there are things I'd like to destroy
but none of it belongs to me
(just gonna have to deal)
and today hasn't been the best to me
so maybe it's time to just

chill

the

****

out

and take a breath and keep writing
because
god it's cathartic sometimes
but it still makes me think
that today hasn't been the best to me
and I'm still in a pissy mood
(though it's not as bad as it was)
so the fact hasn't really changed
that today hasn't been the best to me
at all