everytime I think of you
my chest begins to hurt again
is it pain? is what i'm feeling so awful?
no, no, it's wonderful

and even if your smile is a little crooked, a little imperfect
it's still perfect
because that smile is for me
i want to tell you
how much i care
so why must i wait?

for the others who i cannot be with
never touching, never speaking
growing ever further away
despite the constant reassurance and the
'I Love You's
it isn't the same

because she smells like pine and popcorn butter
and they smell of nothing at all
distance grows and i do not like the feeling
i do not like growing apart from those i love
so why must I?

why
must
i?

i see her
everywhere that i look
the curve of her smile haunts me
as i stare into the mirror
to face a stranger
i do not know her anymore
nor do i believe that i ever have
it is a rift between two parts
a split between what used to be whole
she is no longer whole
she may never have been
and i still see her when i look back
into the mirror
she is always there
hiding within the mirror

i know i seem
like i am coping just fine
trekking through life as though
i do not see the destruction
that falls
around
me

you would be wrong
to assume
that i am okay
as i am barely keeping
my head above water
choking on words
that are never spoken
and forcing out
compliancy

and when you ask me
i smile
and reply with a nod
when the real trouble is
that the light
inside is
burning
out

as i sit and stare
at the clock, ticking on the wall
i wonder why the hands turn
the way that they do
and why we
have decided that a minute
is equal to sixty seconds
and sixty minutes
is an hour
in reality,
does time really exist?
or are we all just
hallucinating it
into existence?

do you know
who you are?

because i don't
recognize your face
anymore

did i ever really
know you?

or did i just fool myself
into thinking that i did?

looking into the mirror
i do not see myself standing there
instead, it is a warped,
twisted,
floating head
supported by shoulders that are not mine
and the rest is skin
just...there
no muscle, hardly anything keeping me together
barely a person
barely alive
barely anything at all