Another day bound to an end
The questions still hovering
So I thought of asking Him
Give it when I reach ten

One, I search for your eyes
Two, they cannot meet mine
Three, Four, my head hits wood
Five, and now I shall wait
Six, your voice so pleasant to hear
Seven, Eight, for God's sake come near
Ni- "are you okay?"

Your face just inches above mine
Dear, come closer, I'll let you know
It was fate that brought you here
Now I see why I shouldn't let go.

we get little moments together.
though we have never had a time where it's just me and you,
i always think about the tiny sparks and colossal impact;
and wonder if you write about them too.

i used to think that when we get old,
we'd only spend time reminiscing our youth
and so i did all these things
these scrubbed things
to fill all the spaces
that deserve color

now all i miss is not wanting to grow up
not thinking
and not doing
just being
plainly
there.

Even so, we can make it against all odds.

I want to stop living in the past
My princess I found you at last
I'm scared you'll one day leave
Darkness is all I believe
I met you now but still cry
I just feel we'll have our goodbye
I want you to know I love you so
Every moment of tomorrow
I am in love with all your soul
Every minute of our love fall
Here we are,
under all the stars
Beneath the watching constellations
Connected by vibrations
Hello, my baby
Can't be there, I'm sorry
My faithful love of May,
I like hearing you say
You want me to be your safety
I know,
I just know,
Someday you'll be home with me

i have so many realizations during the day and sometimes im too lazy to write them all down but surely, my princess, they are all thoughts of you and your lips, your chest and your thighs, your whole system, baby. i really feel like i miss you and i think and think about everything and it always comes down to you and how our love died and yours faded but mine still has its game on. im sorry i cannot quit, my love. it has been over six months and i need six years more. maybe a decade or beyond. maybe i can never really move on and spend all my days without you and talking to God and tell Him everyday how i cannot feel His presence with me. i loved a girl once, and that, for me, has always been enough.

I don't want a lavish celebration. I don't need new dresses, new shoes. I want you to be happy that I accomplished these kind of things. I want you to pray to Him and say thank you for everything He has given. I want you to smile and say things like you mean it. I just want you to be proud of me.

she gave me letters
i always thought they were real
i knew they were, until
the burning came

she gave me necklaces,
if these turn rusty, i'll leave
until now, i have never worn them
i never wanted them to be rusty.

she gave me stuffed toys,
this one will sleep on the right side of your bed,
because you always wake up on that side
so that you'll think of me first thing in the morning

she spoke words
and numbers
and screamed to me
whispers of a loud night

i gave back more;
necklaces, bracelets
kisses and tight hugs
movies and strong hands
stuffed toys and letters, too

above all, i gave her songs to sleep with,
poems to live by
and promises to look forward to

she told me
*you shouldnt have,
we both knew we were never enough for each other,
right?

I never really ruled the world
it was never mine to hold
will never be mine to cherish
will never be mine to kiss.

Though I can inhale
I can breathe
My body is working
I can move my feet
My mind is present
I can be what I was meant
I have been given a life to live
I have been given something
to call a home
A home which I can never really own.

I still get nervous when you're around
(And that means everyday)
When you are near, my heart is never sound
(And I still forget what to say)

My hands still get sweaty from just the idea of you
(And I could almost fill a deep pit)
I guess I never will get used to you
(And I have no intention of stopping it)

i woke up wanting to kiss you
i woke up with palpitations, if thats what theyre called
i woke up losing my stomach
i woke up wanting to go to hell

maybe we were too crazy about each other that we needed time apart to appreciate the people around us.

my thoughts were clear until i wrote them
and then they werent again

You want to know a secret, darling?
You're the one who keeps me breathing.
But stay quiet about it,
they might take you from me.

i would very much appreciate
if you would stop comparing yourself to others
and being so crazily in love with your loneliness and depression

You were the Jason
to my Colbie
I fell in love
and considered myself lucky

You became the Clark
to my Lois
you saved me
and turned light to dark

Then you taught me
to fly and be better
Like Wendy
and her Peter

Like Edward to his Bella
as cheesy as it sounds
I thought it was forever
Like Ethan and Lena

But light wasn't
supposed to last
Right now I don't even know
if it ever lasts

Though Jack and Rose's
lasted for a lifetime
I am still wishing
and waiting for our time

to come again.

And so you will become
the Paige to my Leo
the Jenny to my Forrest
and soon, I hope

the Allie to my Noah.

I think love is smiling the moment you close your eyes,
just because you can see her lids closed,
you can feel her skin fold of lips on yours

I think love is when you're too scared to even risk being seen,
when you're too brave to kiss her in a nosy crowd,
when you're afraid the people might steal the magic

I think love is when you're wide awake at 2:30 AM,
but at the same time, wanting to sleep;
to dream of her scent, her body and the way she holds you

I think love is forever hoping for the flawless spark,
waiting for gravity to squeeze the distance between your souls,
expecting that she is patient about you too

Love, for you and I, was tears for thinking
that somebody else might touch you;
that somebody else might have you, take you

We ignited in that spark
We hoped for that combustion and it came

Morning comes and my thoughts are changed
Today knocks and I am saved
I hear those songs once more
And I end up closing the door.

Of all the stories that ended,
who am I to think ours wouldn't?
Of all the tragic love that has happened,
what is ours compared to all of them?

All I know is that I'm hoping
that ours won't be the same
Like the stars that are fading
time and time again.

one night at 1:43
i doubted you
i blamed the past seas
i shouted at the moon;
maybe i don't love you
maybe i just couldn't
maybe i was meant for you
maybe this was destined
maybe our fate would someday end
and maybe it would be tragic as hell
maybe you and i are both heaven-sent
but one day -maybe, just maybe- i would be just another story to tell.

she was wild,
she wanted to swim,
and she screamed,
because thats how she dived,
thats how she talked,
it was exquisite,
it was wild,
she had skin,
she had slime,
i had skin,
was it hair,
or was it fur,
i was hers,
and she was wild

i just wanted to kiss her.

for december to end
january to forgive
february to reminisce
and march to forget
april to calm down
may to vanish
june to be out
july to stop
august to fade
september to break
october to remember
and november to last

i need to live in them first.

let us drive for a while
love a bit,
kiss a bit,
but nothing more than this

let us be this for a while
assume i am too broken
assume i am shattered
to love more than this

we can be happy,
we are.
we can stay,
i will.

*let me hear you breathe over the silence we make. somehow everything seems right again.

you should know that -
every time i take a shower,
or hold my hands just above my face,
whenever something is in front of me,

or when someone gets too close -
i cannot say it in a poetic way, but
i always find you there.

i had a glass of wine
i drank it all, and never changed my mind
i didn't stop, because why would i?
if your kisses were my wine

i had a cup of tea
i poured my all in you, only to find it empty
i didn't stop, because why would i?
if you, my dear, were my tea

there is never a perfect night
only a perfect moment
only a perfect photo
only a perfect laughter
only a perfect embrace
only a perfect smile
only a perfect drink
only a perfect joke
only a perfect kiss
only a perfect cry
only a perfect speech
only a perfect word
only a perfect promise
only a perfect love

but never a perfect night

My problem is not the society,
it is the way your minds work.
My problem is not the school,
it is how you imprison us.
My problem is not the laws,
it is the way you interpret them.
My problem is not the people,
it is how they crave for superiority.

And don't even tell me I am too young to understand all the ******* you keep on feeding us. We know the difference between things that can empower us truly and things that are cruel.

our foreheads match
and onto you I am latched.
our thoughts glowing silently,
the world murmuring loudly.

whenever you close your eyes,
lean into me and sigh,
the complete charge of your existence
runs through mine and says:

i'm glad you're here,
and though everything is a mess,
you are the only thing clear.
for me, my love, you are the best.


*both souls don't have a word to say
and all they want is to run away

Last night I found a letter
you wrote me a year ago.
You sounded so in love.
every word was
full of promise, full of hope.

I want to help myself-
stop the tears from falling,
but what is it with you
and your lies
that make me stay everytime

even if there's nothing
to stay with anymore

Everytime I tell myself
to get over it
that I've had enough
you're gone now

I should be over it
I should be happy now
It has been months
and I know my sanity
will be taken away from me

if this lasts a year
        a decade
           maybe for a lifetime

Nights like this
seems to be happening
a lot
  more than a lot

Nights like this
seems to be happening
every
    single
       night

Three years, three years
And I never asked the reason
behind those crying and tears

Forever, forever
But whatever it is,
you will never lose me, not ever

Christina, Christina*
I love you today and everyday
I love you when you're breaking
I loved you (from a distance)
I love you when you're crying
I love you when you're happy
I love you when you're clingy
I love you when you're shy
I love our inside jokes
I'll love your fake smiles
If you want me to provoke
I love you when you're sad
I'll keep you when you're mad
I loved you from afar
I love you when you're mine
I love you when you're not

Know that these spaces
cannot intervene
with all the faults we have
because I have found the reason
to love you all the time.

i have been living
with the thought that
i have already made myself happy
i have already seen the end
of all those nights in depression,
those days of darkness
but i guess,
it's true what they say,
that love is for the weak people
who needs someone
so they could live.

now i think
i never really ran away
from all the lows of my past
they are still here
and they haunt me
by means of you.

i just realized that
on that same night,
when she gave up on me,
i gave up on myself too.

in times like this – when i want to tell you a story, something, maybe every detail of today – where should i go?

i shouldn't – in all sense of the phrase – make it to you. i shouldn't. but this is it.

this is the snow from the road i managed to shovel aside;

this is the coffee i never intended on spilling (maybe i did want it to happen, deep inside of me there was an urge – maybe once, twice, multiple times);

these are the words i tried to stop from spewing.

so if you're reading this, i'm sorry – i expected this, though i never intended to – i miss you.

we could be anywhere,
i'd learn to drive by next month
i would bring you to places
we have never been in

we could be anyone
i'd be yours if you want me to
i would show you the sides
we have never seen

we could be anything
i'd be a slave as i already am
i would let you hear the music
we have never heard

We'd sneak out at midnight
I'd bring everything we need
Let us make this night lucid
Enlighten the road we'll take
It's too late now to not risk it
I'd be in pajamas
and you'll be laughing all night
We could drive
Or better yet
We could run
Free and in love
Young and strong
Let our bodies be one
Let our souls make charts
of how love should be done
Let our destiny start
Out of here and into the woods
I will come with you
I will let the silence fill the words
Of an admiration so true
And when the night is close to an end
I will breathe back the sin of love theft
We'd sleep in my truck and there I will mend
All the broken things we have left.

i have never been chosen.
i was the saddened,
i was the source,
but i was always the less.

with thoughts simmering
i finally sat down
why cant my heart just stop beating?
on that note i frown.

for this life is nonsensical
without my muse,
i confess,
my days would not be lyrical.

this shall end tonight,
this should be my last,
but should i fright about
the shadows she had cast?

yes, for it will follow me
wherever I will be.
no, for i don't want to be free
let her shadows be with me

i tried to stand for all i care,
i tried to eat because they stare
i tried to move but i could not do
i almost wished you felt it, too

As I was desperately trying
to end the life I am having
Something called upon me
Ay, it's serendipity

A gust of wind came passing by,
You're too strong, I tell her
She said I am not, that is a lie
From then on, I wanted to go deeper

From then on, she let me breathe her.

little rain, please do stay
i have nothing but you
please take the pain away
i will, if you do too

little rain, make me stay
i've got nothing to do
please fall on me today
let me admire your view

When I was young I have been told
that we should be saved for someone
Reserved for all our teenage years
Get a job, hold my life together
Maybe get a car, or buy a house
Be able to pay back my parents for all that they have done
And then maybe, one day, get married

They taught me to never
give my body to just anyone
And even if I wanted to,
I couldn't
There were always friends and parents
I could get a kiss from time to time
But I could never show my naked body
There were always friends and parents

So instead,
I showed my eyes
And my lips
And he showed me his teeth
And his hands
I showed him my fingers and cheeks
My corners
And he showed me the back of his neck, eyelashes
His edges
My holy ground

When our hands entwine,
We are making love
When we get coffee on a sunny afternoon,
We are making love
When I am on the other side of the room
And our eyes meet
And we smile,
We are making love

the fight boils down to seeing her cry,
you cant really help it when they do.
their eyes, the tears and that broken voice (my, my)
you wipe their cheeks and cant help but wish you got hurt too.

the moment points out that you do not need angels, you do not need saving.
you need hard, painful, destructive love.
you are not worthy, you are nothing
compared to all the adoration she gives to you.

but no matter how much pushing,
no matter the hurtful words,
she will always be there
to lift you up
like you pushed her down a cliff
and she would tell you she is sorry
for standing so close to the edge.

You are my oceans and seas
my flowers and bees
the joyous swaying trees
and all the present wind breeze

You are the hundred reasons of singing
you keep my hope hanging
you are the strummed strings
and all those pretty little things

I'll dry your tears when you're crying
though your thoughts are closed
and your moons be hiding
I'd still be here, darling

You make love sound like fiction
it seems unreal, and patiently
you put me in a dimension
where everything is placed perfectly

And then that world slows down
Your stars are dangling low now
Reaching for me, keeping me sound
In our universe, you're all I found.

i love the thought
of having someone -
to be with,
to love whenever,
to be angry with,
to cherish forever
someone who can
keep up with your darkness
someone who was made for you,
who levels with your madness
a someone
who could be so dear
who would not mind if she hears
all the voices in your head
and she would even be the one
to fight those thoughts and
who will put an end

it's starting to get colder
but with you i feel heat get stronger
the nights are longer
and my days are brighter
paper lanterns begin floating
as i am perpetually falling

She lives the life of me
waiting for it to end
How easy life would be
if only she was dead.

is as still as enormous walls,
as good as coffee in the morning,
no one could ever be as tall,
and yet she is calm like spring

is as brave as lions and tigers combined,
as bright as the afternoon skies
she could not be easily tamed,
she has her own plans to take

is as beautiful as the lit evening stars,
as **** as the burning flames of fire
she could handle all the past scars
and she is only mine to desire

I hope you cannot breathe without me
I hope you'd rather be lonely
than love anyone else besides me
I hope that when we end
you will never get over
the love that we had in hand
I hope you'll never be sober
I hope you'll beg for me to stay
and if you let me leave
I hope I will have the last say
I will say it is better that way
And then your heart will break
and break
and break
and break
and it will never end
I hope you'll never forget me
I hope you'll lurk
at the back of the Church
looking at how
I kiss the man I chose
I hope your mind will be dark
because you lost your light
you lost the path
the path that keeps you still
I hope you'll have nightmares
because you lost the girl
the girl of your dreams
and the lady who promised
she will be with you until
the chaotic side of you ends
I hope you cry for me
I hope you will love me
and love me
beyond what love can give
I hope you'll be crazy
I hope you'll lose your sanity
over this girl
who lied to you
who ignited you
and let your fire burn out
I hope you will keep on
sheltering me
even if
I am not yours to protect anymore
Because you realized
that I was the only one
the only one
who loved you
when you cannot be loved
loved you so, but
only for a numbered infinity.

I was broken -
And I never knew what that felt like
until I was made whole again;
until I caught your sight,
until I made you smile
and until I realized
someone is worth living for
again

and from that moment
I already feared
that I am starting to depend
my happiness on you
from that moment on
I already felt scared
that I am beginning to see
the light I once saw
The light that was once too bright
and burned in the dark
but still taught me
that flames don't last forever

Here I am again
Thinking that if you'll break me
Then so be it, darling
It's okay
I'll be okay
Maybe we won't be forever
But I want to spend an infinity with you
So break me
And shatter me
Until then
I will love you
Like I have never loved before.

One frightened part of me says
calm down, all will be well
you'll get out of this tremendous mess
everything is okay in God's will
I promise you won't even feel
your skin that once did swell.
Like stargazers on a lucid night
Like the ever-patient stars so bright
I want all my days to be quiet
All my nights to be perfect

And then another thought comes
I want to ride the tides
Embrace it with all my might
Travel the world with reckless ones
Smoke out the heavy problems
Drink not moderately, but constantly
Love unattached and infinitely.
Like storm chasers so brave
Like I don't need to be saved
I want all my days to be strong
All my nights to be long.