I grew up thinking it was okay
to have parents fought every day
and slept in separate rooms at night.

I grew up thinking it was okay
to hate yourself
more than to love yourself
and to damage your body beyond recognition
in order to be beautiful.

I grew up thinking it was okay
to let a boy walk all over you
and touch your body
because he whispered you the sweet words
he knew you wanted to hear.

I grew up thinking it was okay
to feel not good enough
for your parents
for yourself
for everyone.

I grew up thinking it was okay
to be
afraid.
sad.
alone.

It took me eighteen years to realize
It's not okay.

Wash your face.  
Brush your teeth.  
Bathe every day.  
Make sure to look your best.  
Comb your hair.  
Not that way, this way.  
Don’t wear that, it’s too short.  
Don’t wear that, it’s too revealing.
You don’t want people to get the wrong idea about you.  

Don’t be friends with boys.  
They’re nothing but trouble.  
You don’t want people to get the wrong idea about you.  

Make friends.  
Be nice to everyone who isn’t nice to you.  
Don’t let the people see you cry.  
You don’t want people to get the wrong idea about you.  

Wash your own clothes.  
Clean your room.  
Clean your bathroom.  
Help clean the house.  
This is how to iron.  
This is how to cook.  
This is how to clean.  
Not that way, this way.  
Don’t talk to people that way.  
You don’t want people to get the wrong idea about you.  

Don’t show people you’re weak.  
This is how to at properly in public.  
This is how to act properly to family.  
This is how to act properly at home.  
This is how to act properly at school.  
You don’t want people to get the wrong idea about you.

We were a ship
that never
sailed.

You were the sea
unsteady
and weak.

I was the storm
just about
to leak.

Boats are not cars.
Cats are not fish.
What a shame it would be
to compare a heart to a tree.
To compare you to me.

An empty bottle sits next to me
and the thoughts keep getting worse
And worse
And worse
And worse

My lungs are getting weaker
There's not much left in me

I can barely breathe anymore
and I can hear your voice again
And again
And again
And again

I'm drunk again
and thinking of you.
I'm trembling and shaking
because it's all too real.
I can't forget it.
What you did to me.
I let you have
everything.
Everything I had.
And I loved you
with every piece of me.
Like the time I was eight
and cried because I broke my arm.
I cried again
because you broke me.