Eyes meet
Forbidden treasures
Hands touch
Sunken souls
Bodies reach
Euphoria
So much to come
So little left to see
Insanity ever present
Instinct urging
Minds racing
Ever empty
Soft whispers
Audible to one
Only one that matters
Movements intertwined
Perfectly timed
Euphoria

I want someone who wants me for:

My eyes
The way they light up when I talk about music
And movies
And the person I love
And when I'm excited

My lips
When I'm talking too fast and nothing can stop me
When I'm singing horribly
Or singing very well
When I make stupid faces
When I smile
And when I frown

My hair
When I haven't showered in days
When I took hours to make it just right
When I'm too lazy to brush it
When it's up in a bun
When it flips around when I get really excited
When I'm running and it sways with every step

My hands
When I'm signing something that you'll never understand no matter how many times I tell you what it means
When I'm writing and they're flying across the paper
When I'm texting too fast or too slow
When I'm tracing stupid little shapes on your arm or leg or stomach because I just want to feel you
When I'm cold and they're balled up in little fists
When I'm holding on to you because I'm scared or nervous or tired
When I'm hold your hand
When I'm playing with your hair

My legs
When I shave them
And when I don't
When they're intertwined in yours
When they're wrapped around you
Or draped over your lap
When I'm running
When I'm hiking

I just want someone who wants me for the stupid little thing I do without realizing
And everything I do to try to impress them
And everything in between.

I'm dry
I'm empty
I'm a barren land
Long ago abandoned
No inhabitants
No water
No love
No light
No sound
No air

I'm an abandoned castle
Once full of beauty, hope, light, and purpose
Once full of love
Every wall
Every stone
Every centimeter
Hand crafted
Loved to bits
So loved I'm falling apart

But now I'm dry
I'm empty
I'm bitter
I'm worn
I'm old
And I'm tired
No love lives here
No love will come again
Only hate and destruction

Every storm is another stone gone
Washed away

Every dry spell is more cracking in my bones

Every sad and misfortunate tear shed is another piece of my hope and innocence gone

I'm torn to shreds
I've been ripped at the seams
I'm lifeless

But I'm mostly just dry

When I walk down the halls
all I see is wild beasts.
Crazy kids roaming about.
All yelling to each other in their cryptic languages.
No sounds make sense.
No actions have meaning.

The girls squeal,
the boys grunt.
The girls hug,
the boys high five.

I look down and carry on.
I ignore all of their fatal attempts at talking to me.
I don't understand them.
They don't understand me.

I don't try.

They're all just wild beasts.
Out to get me,
to sabotage me.

Poetry is like a silly little dance
The twirl of your pen on the page
The leaps between each word
The tap of your fingers as you think
The steps and turns for each word

So if you think about it poetry is a dance
Not any dance a man could do
But a complicated routine only a pen in the hand of a wise man can perform

People call me insane
They say my brain isn't right
I'm a calamity
Pandemonium
A walking **** wreck
Ups and downs happen in a split second
One second I'm higher than ever
Two seconds later I want to cry for days

Insanity is inevitable
Insanity is irrelevant
Insanity is life
We're all insane
We're all lost

What we need is someone else's insanity to balance our own

Searching for my space my perfect little escape my hide away from the craziness the craziness of everyday all the ups and downs all start to feel like a straight line it's crazy I know I've got no where to go still searching everyone's got their place their place to call home while I lay here alone all alone
and I stay here not looking not searching but hiding hiding away away from the pain of thinking of seeing never wanting to be afraid never wanting to feel pain
It's the worst feeling around crying and knowing no ones there you're the only one that cares but even you've given up on yourself there's no turning back the second you start you can't cease the tears keep streaming they'll never end and you know the pain is back this time more than ever your whole body shuts down
and I stay here not looking not searching but hiding hiding away away from the pain of thinking of seeing never wanting to be afraid never wanting to feel pain
All alone no ones there all alone none to care all alone your years to your self all alone all alone
and I stay here not looking not searching but hiding hiding away away from the pain of thinking of seeing never wanting to be afraid never wanting to feel pain

I watch as the rain drops fall.
So calming and smooth.
Their pattern of sound soothes,
seems to make the pain drift away.
The pain of days past,
the pain of what could have been.
The pain of sorrow,
fear,
remorse.
The pain of wondering,
what could have been?
could you have cared?
could you have loved me?
But the rain washes it all away.
No more pain.
No more tears.
For now I can smile,
And watch the droplets race.
Where to?
I have no clue.
Maybe they're running.
Running to catch you.

They always felt like my only friend.
The only ones there for me.
The only ones who truly care.

But they're also the only ones,
To physically hurt me,
To give me scars,
To make me feel worse about myself.

They're like a drug though.
Once you start there's no going back.
Any little thing makes you go back.
Crawling back.
Weak,
Crying,
And you hate yourself for going back.
But you can't help it.

And you say to yourself:
"Next time I won't do it"
"There won't be a next time"
"I won't let this happen again"
But you ALWAYS do.

You hate them,
And yet you love them.

You see that beautiful smile of yours?
No?
Well I do.
I always do.
Everytime you smile,
I smile too.

Your smile is contagious,
Gorgeous,
Perfect,
Wonderful.

So please smile a little more.
For me.
Lately it's the only thing to make me smile.

So please,
For me,
Smile.

My parents always warn me about drugs
And places
And weapons
And sketchy people
But never about the normal people
To ones that can hold you
And make you feel special
But later can tear you to shreds
And leave you abandoned
And alone

My parents always warn me to stay away from trouble
But never the ones who can truly hurt me
So I go to these people
Trust them with my secrets
My whole life

I think they care
And maybe they do
But only for a few minutes
Then they use it all against me
Ruin my whole life

And my parents say they warned me
But they never truly did...

I hope you know you're the reason
The reason for every mark
The reason for every tear

Every memory makes me cry
I was there for you
Always
But you were never here for me

And you said I lied
You said I lied about everything
That everything I told you was a lie
But it wasn't
It never was
I loved you
You were my best friend

But now I sit here broken
My whole body shattered
I can't move
I can't breathe
There are no tears
There is no movement

All I want is the comfort of my blade
I want to wipe out every touch of yours
Every memory
I want them all gone
Every one of them

I hope you know.
I hope you know you're the only reason
The only reason I was happy
The only reason I smiled...
...the only reason I cut

This is the first time I've ever loved.
I've never felt this way before,
And it's all so surreal.
I just want to spend every second of every day with you.
But I know I can't

I know you'll never love me.
You'll never know how I feel.
I'll never be able to look at you again without knowing that you'll never love me.

And I want to cry.
I want to cry for days and days.
I want you to hold me in your arms and tell me everything will be ok.
But you never will.
This is all some strange fantasy.

And I keep talking to you.
I keep coming back for more.
And you think there are other reasons I'm always so upset,
But in reality it's always you.

I hope one day you read this.
I hope one day I can tell you how I feel.

But I know I'll never be able to.

I love you.

All alone I sit here.
I look around and see
All of the cliques surrounding me.
Smiling,
Gossiping,
Laughing at the latest rumor.
Rumors I'll never know.
I have no one to tell me,
No one to ask.

I'm too anxious to eavesdrop,
Too much of a loner to join in.
And so I continue to sit here.

All alone.
The weird girl who doesn't talk,
Who sits in the corner,
And stares,
And writes.
I guess I'll have to be satisfied,
With my lonely dreary life.
So good bye my dear friend,
Whoever you may be.
Hopefully you aren't alone,
Like me.

But if you are,
Go talk,
Even if all you say is hi.

Hi is open,
And inviting.
Smile a bit too.
You look nice with a smile.

Everyone always tells me how lucky I am.
How I have so much ahead of me.
How I'm so pretty,
So smart,
And so funny.
But I look at myself and see nothing.

I see an empty,
Numb,
Tired,
Bitter girl.

They say it gets better.
But so far,
It's all been down hill.
Like an avalanche.
A personal avalanche.

So tell me,
Am I really lucky?
To be born in this death trap of a life?
Am I lucky to never sleep?
To be constantly afraid of what might happen?
To be so numb?
To have so much hate?

If this is luck,
Then I'm sorry for all of the other lucky people.

People always say:
"To find where your heart is,
look to where your mind goes when it wanders"
But when I look to where my mind goes,
All I see is chaos,
And destruction.
Is that what I really want?
To be torn apart?
Day in and day out?
Maybe my mind is confused.
Maybe it can only see what it's fed by the media.
Or maybe that really is where my heart is.
People ask if I'm scared by that.
I always say no.
But deep down,
somewhere I won't let see the light.
I'm terrified of the real me,
So I'll stay hopeless.
Still searching for more