I watch as the rain drops fall.
So calming and smooth.
Their pattern of sound soothes,
seems to make the pain drift away.
The pain of days past,
the pain of what could have been.
The pain of sorrow,
fear,
remorse.
The pain of wondering,
what could have been?
could you have cared?
could you have loved me?
But the rain washes it all away.
No more pain.
No more tears.
For now I can smile,
And watch the droplets race.
Where to?
I have no clue.
Maybe they're running.
Running to catch you.

They always felt like my only friend.
The only ones there for me.
The only ones who truly care.

But they're also the only ones,
To physically hurt me,
To give me scars,
To make me feel worse about myself.

They're like a drug though.
Once you start there's no going back.
Any little thing makes you go back.
Crawling back.
Weak,
Crying,
And you hate yourself for going back.
But you can't help it.

And you say to yourself:
"Next time I won't do it"
"There won't be a next time"
"I won't let this happen again"
But you ALWAYS do.

You hate them,
And yet you love them.

You see that beautiful smile of yours?
No?
Well I do.
I always do.
Everytime you smile,
I smile too.

Your smile is contagious,
Gorgeous,
Perfect,
Wonderful.

So please smile a little more.
For me.
Lately it's the only thing to make me smile.

So please,
For me,
Smile.

My parents always warn me about drugs
And places
And weapons
And sketchy people
But never about the normal people
To ones that can hold you
And make you feel special
But later can tear you to shreds
And leave you abandoned
And alone

My parents always warn me to stay away from trouble
But never the ones who can truly hurt me
So I go to these people
Trust them with my secrets
My whole life

I think they care
And maybe they do
But only for a few minutes
Then they use it all against me
Ruin my whole life

And my parents say they warned me
But they never truly did...

I hope you know you're the reason
The reason for every mark
The reason for every tear

Every memory makes me cry
I was there for you
Always
But you were never here for me

And you said I lied
You said I lied about everything
That everything I told you was a lie
But it wasn't
It never was
I loved you
You were my best friend

But now I sit here broken
My whole body shattered
I can't move
I can't breathe
There are no tears
There is no movement

All I want is the comfort of my blade
I want to wipe out every touch of yours
Every memory
I want them all gone
Every one of them

I hope you know.
I hope you know you're the only reason
The only reason I was happy
The only reason I smiled...
...the only reason I cut

This is the first time I've ever loved.
I've never felt this way before,
And it's all so surreal.
I just want to spend every second of every day with you.
But I know I can't

I know you'll never love me.
You'll never know how I feel.
I'll never be able to look at you again without knowing that you'll never love me.

And I want to cry.
I want to cry for days and days.
I want you to hold me in your arms and tell me everything will be ok.
But you never will.
This is all some strange fantasy.

And I keep talking to you.
I keep coming back for more.
And you think there are other reasons I'm always so upset,
But in reality it's always you.

I hope one day you read this.
I hope one day I can tell you how I feel.

But I know I'll never be able to.

I love you.

All alone I sit here.
I look around and see
All of the cliques surrounding me.
Smiling,
Gossiping,
Laughing at the latest rumor.
Rumors I'll never know.
I have no one to tell me,
No one to ask.

I'm too anxious to eavesdrop,
Too much of a loner to join in.
And so I continue to sit here.

All alone.
The weird girl who doesn't talk,
Who sits in the corner,
And stares,
And writes.
I guess I'll have to be satisfied,
With my lonely dreary life.
So good bye my dear friend,
Whoever you may be.
Hopefully you aren't alone,
Like me.

But if you are,
Go talk,
Even if all you say is hi.

Hi is open,
And inviting.
Smile a bit too.
You look nice with a smile.