My faith tells me
That good is to come
But never once has that good had a timeline
It is to all be well once I’m dead?
Truly, I believe that’s the only way to peace
But I can’t leave sorrow in my wake
I can’t burn down the lives of those I love
I have to do better.
I have to keep trying.

I’m not lazy, I swear
I want to do this
I need to do this
Desperately, it hurts me
That I can’t get myself out of bed
I really really want to be okay
But I’m not
I can’t do this.

There’s a weight on my chest
Pressing down on me
Suffocating me
I can’t move

There’s a thick grey fog in my mind
I can’t think through it
I can’t talk myself out of it
There is no escape