I don’t want to be alone anymore
I thought I did
I thought I needed it
But it would seem
That every moment spent alone
The darkness gets a better grip
I just... I just want to be cared for
I need a comforting presence
Strong and steady
Secure but soft
Gentle... loving
Just... please...
I-I need to feel loved
I need someone here
Because being alone
May be my demise

Alright
Here’s the thing
You’re not thinking clearly
These things below are true
What’s in your head may not be
So, while my mind is clear
While the fog has lifted for a bit
I want to tell you some things:

You are loved
There are so many people who love you
They want to see you thrive
They care deeply about you

You are not alone
They want to spend time with you
Sometimes schedules are hard
But they truly enjoy your company

You are not inadequate
You are highly capable
(Yes, I know what that phrase makes you feel)
You are lovable
You are intelligent
You’re really pretty amazing tbh

I know you’re hurting
I know your pain
But days like mine do come
And hopefully you’ll see more soon
Please, do your best to take care of yourself
I know you don’t want to
You want to feel pain
Because you’re struggling to feel what’s in your heart and mind
And those things...
You’ve felt a lot of pain
And that’s okay

I actually don’t know what you think of me
But... I can’t help but say
Because I know you just really need to receive these words

I love you

It’s all fake
The smiles
The laughs

I don’t really feel them
But I know how to act
I know what you wanna see
I know what’ll convince you
I’m perfectly alright
I’m thriving
I’ll even believe it myself

But once my audience disappears
I empty out
There’s nothing left inside
Sometimes a dull ache
Or pain if I look far enough
Who even knows why anymore
I just... I just hurt
No reason
Just pain

How strange... to realize
The false demeanor is gone
Cheeriness melted away
Replaced with a stern countenance
For my burdens are heavy
But I can’t put them down

I feel it

I’m so near

Everything
It’s falling into place

I’ll break

I’ll do it

I now approach
The tipping point
Again

Maybe this time
It’ll leave
A scar

My ears are ringing
From the noise in my head
Thought after thought
Situations
Ideas
Emotions
People
Relationships
Work
Educa­tion
Assignments
Tasks
I want it to just all pour out
But I have no where to dispose
Of the toxic waste
Burning me inside
So
I try to forget
I try to drown it out
I try not to see
Not to feel
Don’t get involved
Look away
Ignore
Repress
Hide
Turn the music louder
Maybe it’ll drown it out...
But it won’t
I know that
It’ll just leave my ears
Ringing