windswept hair -

we drove until our eyes bled

from the hurricane of love

that came to us

when the mountains wept

and the sky glittered diamonds

on our daisy chain hearts

the stars shaking in their chambers

of midnight blue

there was us, my love

at the end of the yellow brick road

there is quivering love

I am -
splintered

edges rough and sharp
to the touch

so that no one dare
touch

I am -
fractured

my heart cracked from years of
lies

my eyes stained from years of
trying

this splintered, fractured soul of mine
aches

longing for something that it lost
a memory of human connection

that it buried, like seeds

bitter seeds, from which no flower shall

grow

to the skinny girls
who taunted me for years
with your catcalling and put downs

please know you didn’t make me this way

**** it if you think I’m giving you that power
**** it if you think I will let that victory be yours

my brain is more complex, works deeper,  
than a simple desire to be YOU

believe me, I’ve flirted with it,
thinking you were all I ever wanted to be

but believe me now when I say that
you are not the cause of my empty plate

so run along and feed your ego elsewhere
because I refuse to feed it
by letting you believe

that I am the way I am
because I want to be one of you

another cold, long night
counting down the hours until
daylight

keeping one eye on the hands
of the clock, at all times
as they chase down
time

in case they catch on
to my ever growing presence in their lives
and decide to
chase me, hunt me, pin me down

is it every insomniacs nightmare?
(If they ever slept long enough
to have one...)

that time is somehow out
to get them

playing tricks with minutes
turning hours into voids

I only hope that I shall sleep, one night
dream in peace
and no longer be haunted by
the hour hand

I listen to the storm crash
against my window

memories strike, like lightning
and I know that I instilled
the wrath of thunder

in you

and this is you, visiting
to make sure that I never forget

you

like Alice,

we seek to find keys to rooms
that we do not know what mysteries lie behind

to mould ourselves to fit the openings
of terrors and temptations

to contort ourselves into a place
of ecstasy and enlightenment

can there really be anything more thrilling in live

that standing in front of a lock
hands shaking in anticipation,
not knowing how you will open it
but swearing to yourself that you will find a way

because one day,
one way, one lock, one key, one door

might lead you home

you took me away
from the wildest places,

the war torn home
of my childhood,
the sweat soaked digs
of my student days,

making sure I would be thankful to you,
making sure I knew I had a debt to pay,
making sure I could never leave you,

but forced gratitude without love is just slavery
and I am no longer a woman in chains,

I dared to shatter the bars of decency,
of what everything and everyone told me
was right (or wrong)

and live - arms wide and free,
taking flight into the night sky
to leave my imprint amongst the stars,

shattered, but whole