help me*

Fear, **** me
gnash me
with cold hands
twisting my lips
and tearing my fear.
Hiding underneath
its shirt,
faultless tree
appearing like
a steady restraint.

walk left.
  miss Washington DC to down rainy night
sadness cries
a monster is still at peace

die if I cry

somebody happy
about you.

The hardest thing about this is
You believe it is your fault.

I should have known better.
I should have not been in that situation.

There is no telling when this would ever happen.
There is just you and them.

Fight or freeze?
More times than most, people freeze.

Why didn't I scream?
Why didn't I fight it?

Everyone's body processes things differently.
It is alright if you froze.

Know it is not your fault.
You are a victim.

But he was my boyfriend.
He said he loved me.

Everyone has their own problems.
He just chose to let his out in a ****** mode.

*Why would he do this to me?

I could listen to you talk all day. In fact, I have. You have so many interesting stories and accounts from your life that I want to hear. I want to know everything about you. I want to know your successes, failures, trials, and fears. I want just want to help you.

The last time I saw you, you were complaining about how awful your day was. I just watched your performance, and we were standing outside the stage door in the freezing weather. My right leg was shaking terribly and I couldn't make it stop.

You kept talking about your day, but for some reason I didn't hear a word you were saying. For some reason I could only focus on the way your lips were moving and how you tilted your head back when you were getting angry and how when you finished talking you would take a deep breath before throwing me your stunning smile.

"Well I should go," you said.

"No. You should never go. Just stay with me and I promise everything will be okay. I will love you I promise. Just give us a chance. Give me a chance. I have such strong feelings for you- please just stay," is what I should have said, but I actually said, "Oh, okay."

I reached in for a hug because I could no longer wait for your arms to be wrapped around me. I wanted you to hold me forever, but I knew it wouldn't last more than a couple of seconds.

When you pulled away, I thought you would just pick up your bags and go, but you are always full surprises. I felt your hands pull me back in. A kiss. A perfect kiss. Much more than I could have hoped for from you.

"I just don't know how you can love me."
Ignore me.
You never look at me in the light.
Are you so ashamed
To look at me longingly?
As I look at you?
See my eyes.
See the pain you cause
In the name of "love."
You think you are always right
When you say there is
No one who will love you.

"I just don't know how you can love me."
Insult me.
You never speak to me kindly.
Are you so afraid
To be nice to me?
As I strive for you?
See my eyes.
See the pain you have caused
In the name of "coolness."
You think you are always right
When you say there is
No way I can love you.

*I just don't understand how not to love you.

You do not tell someone that you love them
when you are not sure if you do
You do not tell someone that you love them when it is dark outside and all you really want is affection to share in
You do not tell someone you love them just because you know that it's what they want to hear
You do not tell someone you love them when you love someone else too

I wait for the night
I long for your touch.
I wait for your heart,
But my pain is too much.

I live for your words.
I beg for your kiss.
I live for your love,
But it's too hard to miss.