I'll be the first to say
That i hate it.
It's so pointless to fight this.
Our defenses are on such a high intensity that we are stiff.
Nothing is comfortable anymore.
Even laying next to you is foreign
I feel as if something is pulling you away from within
We both say that we want to be together and don't want to lose each other,
But when we look back,
We see that we already resent the place we are in.
Always sneaking around
Meeting at parking garages just to get a kiss.
But it isn't just a quick one
We could kiss for hours if we had the time.
And we did one day
When we were together for ten hours.
But now we don't even have the time.
Different lives,
Different friends,
Different obligations.
We drink different coffee in the morning
And complain about how I can't just lay in your arms all day
Because we are running and
Hiding, lying,
Trying just to get a few moments alone with each other
But it is so hard
Because I am stuck in my superficial tower without a door
And no matter how many times you beg me to let down my hair
I can't.
They donated it to someone who actually deserved it.
I ask why you don't just go and find someone who deserves your love,
But you say,
'Where's the fun in that, my dear?"
You said,
"Love isn't supposed to be easy.
The harder you work for it, the more meaningful it is."
I just sit there and wonder how hard i have to work
Because I feel everything is starting to callus
Including my heart.
It's slowly turning into rock
And I don't mean for it to,
It's just every time I try I just can't be with you.
You ask for all the reasons why and for your sake I make a list
But for my sake I take it and tear it apart so you don't worry
I don't want anything else affecting your life.
Especially me.
I'm just a girl that you'll think about in a couple of years and say,
"Oh her? I just knew her in high school.. I guess she was kinda cool."
But you
When I describe you, I'll be fighting back emotions
I'll say something along the lines of a boy who made a dent in my life
But in reality it wasn't a dent,
You took a lot from me, but in return you put stuff back.
The void that was left empty before you
Was finally filled again with your kindness
But slowly it started to drain again
And when you tried to cover the holes it just made it worse.
You tried to be my nurse, but in reality you were my curse.
That savory poison that flows slowly through my veins
Sugar coating all the pain just to gain some recognition.
You just wanted me to need you.
And believe me.. oh I do