Celebrate the bare minimum
still always end up begging
Always playing catch up
whether it's sleep or money
Crosses don't resemble sanctuary
not every space is safe for me
And when sadness and anger
register in my brain just the same
I don't feel safe anywhere I go
I've got both on speed dial
and I'm always pocket dialing
I wanna feel the sky screaming back at me
throwing my head back and belting
swallowing clouds whole from breathing
You were talking and I wasn't listening
I'm in my own head again, dreaming
of dimly lit streets, sticky skin, slowly pedaling
biking towards something,
but mostly wandering, wondering.

Make sure you've made the time
Get enough sleep and exercise  
Swallow all that sadness
bring yourself to the surface and start to move
You've done so much already,
but you've got a lot more to prove
Make sure you're making enough money
you look great in shades resembling exploiting
Fit in, get along, don't rock the boat
the water is frozen, so don't forget your coat
but make sure it flatters your figure
I don't know how to swim
but somehow I'm still here wading
while others are nearly drowning
sadness and anger register in my brain just the same
I can't keep acting like it's not driving me insane
I just need more time

I'm the girl you call at midnight
never the girl you call in the afternoon
I'm the girl you can't stop thinking about
but ignore me when I'm in the same room
I'm better as a day dream
but I wanna be someone's reality
I'm so tired of isolating
I wanna have fun and be silly
I'm tired of carrying this armor
that I'm not even ******* wearing
it's a dead weight like my past toxic lovers
I'm wide open and uncovered
it's up to you to pull back the veil
I've burned mine

You've got me
on a roller coaster of emotions
And such is life
but
I wanna feel my feet on ground

I want to factory reset my heart
I gotta find the hidden button
All I need is a safety pin
and no fear to commit to it
But that's easier said than done, isn't it?
Because being vulnerable is alarming
and standing strong in it is daunting
I'm being wound up like a mechanical toy
and expecting to provide new tricks
You're sight seeing in my body cavity
and expecting it to be a little less scary
I come with some darkness baby
I should have warned you, but you didn't warn me
And isn't that a little terrifying?
Going in blind with someone you think is interesting
not knowing the history of their hauntings
mean while I'm just hoping
that you don't find my ghosts before I find yours
I wanna find out the strength of my possessor
before they take over
Because I go zero to a hundred in less time than most
My brain gets taken over and I'm only the host
While you're still window shopping women
and I'm still window shopping men
Until the possessor loses grip
and I start to feel better again
I wanna find that button

I want to factory reset my heart
I gotta find the hidden button
all I need is a safety pin
and no fear to commit to it

You're drawing with sharpies all over your arms
cause you ran out of paper
I'm sitting in the passenger seat
my seatbelt making my necklace press into my sternum
listening to you screaming
about something that holds no meaning
but you think if you're loud enough
maybe it'd start to give you clarity
I can't remember the details of all the fights
I just remember the never ending nights
the scribbles on your walls, the overhead lights  
a portrait of Bob Ross ripping from its corners
covering the hole you punched through your closet door
the bathroom with college boy's hair all over the floor
Happy accidents?
I didn't know back then
how much you'd **** up my head
when we finally parted ways
you practically wished me dead
and that's still got me angry
that's still got me defensively thinking
It's so easy to blame you for everything
but I'm here still wanting to show you things
and it's a gut punch like I've never felt
knowing the cards I was dealt
and that I kept playing
all that I kept allowing
But shame is the killer of everything that is good
I can't blame myself for not doing what I should
there's been enough time that's passed now
I know it now better than I ever could
that you were a chapter
I never should have entered
but I'll take the lessons with me
as I walk through the hallways of former miseries
whenever something is triggering
I wanna open new doors
or leave this building completely
but my heart is the foundation under all the creaking
I wanna feel like I'm being listened to when I'm speaking
but men keep putting me in these boxes
and there's no doors for me to open freely
so I carve out my own window and run wildly
I don't have time for late night confessions
that you won't remember in the morning
I want the sun shining when we meet
so I can be under the moon dancing
maybe you'll join me
Until then, I'll continue my wandering
and my exiting