**** your expectations & entitlement
to my tenderness & vulnerability
to desire does not mean you will receive
you already made the choice to leave
the first ******* two, three times...
I’m no longer on the other line.
hang the **** up
don’t try a twelfth, thirteenth time
I’m doing just fine

Pandemic levels of confusion
I wanna go back to when it made sense

you are making roots in my chest
that burst through my brain
you drive me insane

there's solace from everything
in blasting nostalgic melodies on a solo drive
these endless connecting grids have helped me survive
time and time again
I continue to run away...
and I always picture the same road whenever I hear this song
I wonder what you're doing
I still wonder what really went wrong
turn up the volume, this road is long...
to no surprise
you were right ******* there
and you always ******* are
nostalgia floods me of that same road in my old car
and I don't even remember the sound of your voice anymore
sometimes I really wish I did
sometimes I really miss it when you were my friend
sometimes I really miss you as my lover too
but things will continue on to their death to re-bloom
and I will too.
because time has passed & I've forgotten the feel of you  
and that's more than okay
what the **** does missing do anyway?
cuts me open again
and with my spills I finger paint
a little dark and ***** is how I still play
waiting for lightning in the pouring rain
gotta stay entertained through the misery someway...
it feels like ecstasy on my skin
purge, pour out, and soak in

I dance with all my demons
But they’ve got no rhythm

you're like a papercut
a quick slice with a week long burn  
I wonder what you're like
when you're not pretending

Spent so much time
being angry at you for leaving
I didn’t realize how much sadness
I’ve been carrying ever since
and I know
I’m so bad at staying consistent
vulnerability doesn’t come easy to me anymore
I feel weak
whenever I let down a wall
open a window
or a door
and
no one ever really gets in
if they do, it’s right before they’re leaving
because time and time again I’m shown
that I’m only here to change a man’s life
not stay in it
thirsty for me to inspire it
to mystify it
to entertain ****
help you see what you’re worth
dig into your layers running deeper than the earth’s
I’m not here to be a muse
without reciprocation of inspiration infused
don’t tell me I’m interesting
and then never ask me anything
I want someone to dig into my layers
like I dig into theirs
but
everyone only stays on the surface
they want to observe me
lay within me
take my vibe in without any hassle
my roots are just as important as my petals
you make it to my soil and you want a medal
that’s something I just don’t have time for
Regardless
I still never wanted you to leave
but I know I make it easy
I want to feel safe enough
to warm up to someone
eventually