powerful needs powerful
not a mouthful
plant me with a kiss
make it something I'll actually miss
because I'm not looking for bliss
you can't miss that, you dream that
maybe I want something aggressive
you know, that I can handle
can you handle that?
I'm always gritting my teeth
I'm tired of playing make believe
gotta do more than dream
and try to be something
and I hate it
I can't focus my thoughts
maybe I've got it all wrong
I don't write poetry for advice
but people still drop in
and I wonder if you even get it
how anyone even could
get me
and I wonder
if this season is really gonna change me
or if it's just rearranging me
until I start cumbling back into the shell of me
like I always do
I prefer running away from people like you
and you don't wanna see me the way I need to see you
in places other than my head
in my bed
in everything backwards and ahead
in nostalgia soaked car rides
to back home where it doesn't feel like home
going back to where I'm known
for a few different reasons
maybe for being a *****
maybe for old self seasons
it wasn't me
could have been the ectasy
little dolphin pill
castaway thrill
sights that **** and pierce me with a new type of sound
that you feel in your thighbones
the feeling of your tongue going down
on me
similar to ecstasy
coming down now
I've got ideas pouring out all around
and my hands only work so fast
my reality demands my most valuable time
I could be spending trying to make a dime from this ****
creating and destroying it
the minute I set it free for you to read
this **** isn't to impress you
it's to cleanse me
and to scream
because my head is getting cramped
revamped
every day

it's not the same
the crawling across my brain
it's darker this time
more than it was before
it's slower moving now
with a much darker score
I can't find the direction
I'm a sore soul searching
running through barbed wire
I want to shed this skin and set it on fire
or just re-wire
find a way back to "start"
where the breathing isn't heavy
and there's no weight on my heart
I'm screaming through art
that not many people read
it's okay
it's not something I need
I'm not translating
I'm bleeding

had a manic week
almost peaked
jumped the gun
made a stupid run
into the ground
ignored the sounds of my morals
dug into my shins like ocean corals
I just wanted to feel free
even momentarily
instead it was paralyzing
guilt tripping and bullshitting
there's no way to get around reality
when it's the anchor around your feet
I want to discover a new side to myself
and find a way to meet her
I've never fallen to your feet before
I want to learn to stay planted on my own two
without wrapping my arms around you
to hold me up
fill my cup
that you take sips from
I'm rusting around the bottom edges
I don't know romance without fringes
I don't myself without rusty hinges
I'm a door that won't open
unless you find an alternative route
and by the time you get there
I'm burned up and turned to soot
I'm sorry I'm not around

wish I was focusing more on creative ****
because I'm always making it
then doing what with it?
I've gotta break out with it.
I wanna be known for it,
have something to show for it,
be more than it,
tell people what I think about it,
and to have people around wanting to hear about it
I want to be brave and talk about it
I could have a voice
if I dared to try and scream with it
I see the world in misecellanous dreamy hues and ****
in open highways and moments
fitting the typical 20-something millenial *****
I'm blending in with the other witchy *******
that don't know darkness...
triggered...
we're a part of the viral market...
I don't trust you if you deny it.
we're waiting to meet a mirrored fakeness, and rely on it
losing the drive in me to look for words to reply with
I'm scripted and overworked but trying
morality police are too busy lying
reality is digging into my day dreams
and it's making **** more clear
it's good to clear the smoke and imagine something bigger
but the first step is doing
taking the fear away
and flying
but I took another puff and went to sleep

I want so badly to reclaim my youth
without it being vicariously through
someone like you
but rather, a past self
or maybe just a current state...
I wish I could come clean
or just clear the slate...
I've got a bug crawling across my brain
it makes me feel like ****
the other day I took a quiz
wondering
if I had sociopathic tendancies
I think it was just a break in my sanity
and wanting to put blame on anything
because the world doesn't owe me a thing
I'm stuck in the past

years of lessons that don't stick
scabs that ******* itch
why bother scratching
why open that **** back up again
what do I even have to give?
you're busy with expectations
I'm busy dodging them
so ******* afraid to be honest
and waste my time on that nonsense
patterns come and go
most times they start real slow
and I'm lost before I know it
stuck going in circles
can't ******* stop spinning
in-between the motions and I feel sick
not even getting ****
not even sure I want it
wondering why it's even worth it
can't get pleasure for ****
maybe I'm a little bitter about it
my hand does more than your mouth can
looking for too much in a man
all you do is talk
all I do is walk away
not thrilling me enough to stay
so what the **** am I upset about anyway

so ******* stressed that I could puke
I'm doing my best and so are you
I wonder if it will slow down soon
I need direction like I need a clue
in finding a little peace of mind
I'm skipping
I'm tripping
I'm falling behind
in chasing what I came here for
in forgetting mistakes
and remembering to stop keeping score
I'm gonna try a new way of thinking
I'm gonna try to avoid this ship sinking
or just go down singing
with every breath
I've gotta grow up and take the next step
in being something bigger than me
being bigger than my dreams
but maybe I just want someone to listen
not tell me how I glisten and can handle it
maybe just agree with me
and tell me it ******* *****
cause I'm just saying, this is sucky
I don't mean to be ******
I don't feel very good lately
I'm trying to take it easy
I'm on the west side where it's breezy
but I feel lazy
while feeling like I never stop moving
this poem isn't moving either
it's babbling
.....whatever, forever