synthetic ****
you're in with it
hot with it
saved yourself a spot with it
but I'm not riding this
you're like a big kid
without the cuteness
grow up and find a spot in the middle
I wish I could feel safe in my skin
like when I was little
before the trauma
before the drama
and how the **** do people move on
what else does it involve
besides lying to yourself that you're strong
fake it till you make it they say
and I'm faking it every day
I'm exhausted in every way
and I want to have the energy to stick around
to make a difference
to float like a cloud
without a care or a fear
this **** need to look up soon
because I can't take another year
and the cliches work only so much
the typical responses
and trying too hard to stay in touch
cliches can't be a crutch
but what else can be used?
without that thing accepting abuse
because leaning on someone too much
always pushes them slowly away
and not leaning on someone enough
doesn't make them want to stay
and I get why it is that way
but that doesn't make it okay
I've got nothing else to say
tomorrow is a new day

make art
but look the part
if that isn't priority
are you in this majority?
I say I'm an artist
so does everyone else
I can feel the eyes roll
when I say what I'm here for

and

I can see you treat me different
once you see my **** holds up
but unless I look like an artist
or the world knows my art
you're gonna think I'm not enough
rough and tough egos we've got, baby
hope your **** is good too
so you have an excuse for your crazy

walk like an artist
on the fine line between humble and elitist

I won't lie and say you don't have my attention
but my focus is on my creations
and I'm sorry I don't tell you you're ****
you've got a *** drive as tasty as candy
and I don't even want a lick
I feel like a ******* *****
I want to want you
I want you to want me
then the moment comes
and I'm not thirsty
but I'm flirty
slowly approaching thirty
and I'm wondering where you fit in with me
while probably boring you completely
and you're still here asking questions
maybe you see a fire that I don't feel
maybe you see something real

I've got to ******* shave
focusing on what there is to mentally save
but I'm riding this wave out to sea
tingling waves of humility
sort of unable to see **** clearly
blinking my contacts clean
but not really
dry eyes and yellow lines
you've caught me in your sights
I'm still a little blurry
but you're not in a hurry and I'm busy
busy working and listening to music that hurts me
gotta find a way to be bolder still
less colder, ******* still...
not sure which train to board or what to bring
I just wanna make sense of things
all this eclipse **** and I could care less
looking for something beautiful
and shouldn't that be it?
I want it to be enough
I want it all to be enough
and I know I'm tough
but now I'm boring myself
I'm looking for inspiration and you're not it
I'm looking for an adventure and I'm not listening
maybe I ******* should be

writing because I've got nothing else to do
I get stuck when the **** *****
sticky when the humidity is up
and I just wanna get high
poetry is a confession or a lie
deciphering it isn't worth the try
and I just wanna get high
or meet someone fly
take me on a ride
give me inspiration for a new creation
see sparkles in street lights and wet skin
city slickers finger lickers
late night candy munchers
burnt out babes with a work ethic
show me your soul and stretch it
take it out for a ride with me
down the rainy streets
light green **** up in the shadows
and pass it to me
get high on our energy
and my average ****
until next week
there's a chance of cloudy eyes
and a real ******* high

I didn't know much back then
I think about it now and again
different skin
I want to burn the memories
take you back out
from in
me
and
you never quit screaming
passionately
but
never agressively
...that was all me
and
I know I was so young
I look back and feel ashamed
of infatuating feelings
desperate
for you to want me
to desire me
because when I love
I do it
with too much of me
it's like I keep forgetting

I wonder how you see it
six going on seven
I don't need you to understand
I never did
I was always me
and of course I've got my regrets
I leave them in my memory box
covered in sepia illustrations of butterflies