I'm as trendy as I'll ever be
I'm learning that trying too hard just gets me cranky
and I'm tired of being so ******* angry
caught up in **** that doesn't matter lately
wondering when I'll fall into more crazy
old flames never leave my mind

bustling and hustling
foot cramps and comforting
the rest of them, they've got things to say
they're in pain
I'm straining my brick wall back
bending over backwards and picking up slack
ears and empathy being filled up
problems of people I don't ******* know
in and out, after digested through bile
I'm quiet and smile, I've got nothing to show
but it's dark here in the real
can't trust the new
fresh and crispy and glaring teeth
what's on their mind is on mine too
machine minds puncturing plastic grips and tags
add ribs or structure for fake ******* velvet
all these false prophets and gossips, I need a helmet
rip off the gutter gaurds, it doesn't do ****
we're swimming in the gutter already
feeling that spinal shudder, loving your sin
and I kind of want in
but who has the time for opening
my feelings aren't really functioning
but I feel you
I wanna grab hold of my boldness
I feel like reading me is like hieroglyphics
crytpic and frustrating as **** unless you ******* get it
but that takes time
and a comfort that doesn't exist as mine
I need to reclaim the wonders of my grime
I've got a soreness all over me like a walking bruise
putting out doesn't get misused
unless you're putting in
the ******* work
and sure
you could read it differently
but where this is even going is a mystery too
nothing really here for you to sink your teeth into
I want a life filter like a bruise
dreamy blues and purple hues
feeling like **** fits the vibes
everyone around me seems to have a tribe
and I'm wandering and lost, which is okay, I know it
those in the shadows don't need to be told to find the light
because light exists on at least one side even still
it's about a balance and a will
this **** isn't real

even while half listening
you're a predictable bore,
an open mouth sore
chew and sunflower seeds
grinding teeth until gums bleed

find your spot in the grind baby
work ethic isn't hard to find
when you're cornered and shakey

you'll fall off the ladder you're being pulled up
before you make it to the top
your un-callused fingers might be tightly gripping
but before you know it you'll be slipping
if you're lucky
you'll find a sucker on the way down
grab them and pull them with you
and then convince them to give you a crown

picking up your slack
and slapping you on their back

piggy backing is what you do best
on the flesh of those
that are desperate for a love
you'll never give them

you save that only for yourself

you know about riches
but you don't know about wealth

windows down
summer air moistening my skin
relieving my daily sins
or reliving...
I love driving past golden lit windows
& imagine strangers comfortably inside
soaking in what is sacred
(to them)
but at the same time...
I also imagine their demons
as I'm sure ours could dance together
under any weather
unless we sever the tether
that connects the heart to the mind
to do that I'd need more time
lessons aren't learned in a day
I'm too curious for my own good
and you know what they say
it could **** me
but it's tasty and thrills me
curiousities are my being...
curious about how the world sees me
while simultaneously
telling myself I live entirely carefree
(but that's untrue)
you're a stranger to me
and you're a stranger to you
I'm not interested enough
to be interested in loving you
learning you
I've gotta trust you...
but
I'll first trust the golden light of a stranger's home,
and until that changes,
my demons dance alone.

I want to know
what's on your mind...
because I like to pretend
that you were once mine...
I know
it's probably untrue
and I know
I probably mean less to you
I wanna be ******* over it
loving you feels like ****
I didn't ask for this
get a grip
you're on a trip
if you're moving on that quick
and I'm not trying to get too poetic
I want to express this ****
and ******* forget it
I'm a little extra
and you're dramatic

broken blossoms,
songs of sirens...
melting me into darkness
where control is a substance
I'm desperate to ingest it
spiritually conjure it
or some ****
I've got a lump in my throat
but I'm what's being swallowed
by walls closing in
lining the shell of myself

a different kind of freedom
salty skin and sore knees
i'm wondering which part of life
you'd fit best in between the sheets of
the body count fits the thread count
whatever that means...
spending time alone isn't as bad as it seems
but I'm uncomfortable in my own skin
and I feel like ****
not down with it
beyond over it
still stuck in the middle of it
a cosmic joke with guilt riddling in it
can't pick up and start over
I feel years older
maybe I need a vacation
maybe I'm a loner