i can feel unfamiliar eyes burning holes through my back, filling in blank spaces with assumptions on how my character can/should be defined. foundation to assumptions should never be the words coming only from one direction, as different sides can still exist from the same

bond over alcohol
why can't we bond over our breathes
and the steps
we take
that go in the same direction
the steps we take
that may not make sense
because i want to bond
over what makes my heart soar
not what kind of alcohol will get me more *****
because i'm not that kind of girl
you can't take me on a whirl
i'd get too dizzy anyway
projectile ***** on your already ***** sheets
because i don't want to be a puzzle
i'm not something you need to figure out
to fix and put together, i'm not getting better
i'm me and that's what you need to see
but you see my big hair
short dresses with long legs
and you wonder
what they would feel like wrapped around yours
so you want to bond over alcohol
yeah, i'll take your free shot
but then i'm gone to look at the stars
cause unless they're in your eyes
that's the only thing i what i want to make love to

on the journey of finding light while pushing through the dark, i sometimes will forget the importance of that stillness

i've got two shadows, though
the one that stays with me
and the one that you keep

tough exteriors distorted like broken mirrors
spines don't form by breaking another's
mistakes have power to mentally stay forever
but shadows can't stop light from entering in
and i can't remove you from under my skin

guilt isn't something that sticks
it's something that follows

i have to remember the importance
in remembering what everything felt like.
maybe i am afraid of looking back on moments
and realizing we were all pretending.
maybe i'm afraid i always am.
what can define authenticity
when crushing passion turns to anxiety,
and a desire to avoid another enemy
turns to plastic gleams on plastic teeth?
rinse & repeat.