the way your neck feels under my teeth
the smell of the tee shirts that are always too big on you
how you tasted like my favorite flavor of cream cheese
how you picked me up and kissed me
how you let me have your keys
the look in your eyes when you think i'm upset
the sound of your voice when you are sorry
how your eyes lit up the first time you ever saw me
how you let me wrap myself all over you
how you close your eyes when i kiss you, even on the cheek
the way your eyelashes feel under my lips
the look in your eyes when you ******* turn a car
how you make plans so definitively that i believe someday has a date
how you tap rhythms out on my thighs
how you say your signature little phrases (alright, well ****)
the way that you are always cold and i am always hot
the way your knuckles are covered in scabs
how you kiss
how you ****
how you  made me feel beautiful without any makeup on
the way you make me feel like my blood is soda, full of bubbles and sugar
the way you told me you loved me
the way you told me you loved me

I'm always moving too fast

Always kissing too fast and too hard
Moaning, ******* heartlessly and blankly
Eating too much and not at all
Leaving people I need
Initiating relationships I can't keep
Arguing fights I won't win

with you everything slows down.

Walking like it doesn't matter how long it takes as long as we're touching
Imprinting myself with bruises or wearing your shirt so it smells like me
Losing track of time but making each moment worth being late
Legitimizing every pain I've suffered and then letting me let it go

be slow with me, i never want to Stop when i'm with you.
waste your time on me.

we seem to have made a lot of theoretical weekends
i'm terrified that they won't happen
because it is so nice to exist alongside your rendition of poise
and effusive words
that i am afraid it isnt real

she left you ignominious like he did to me
our roles are reversed but i feel like you understand
and i hope i am coming close to understanding the part of you
you left behind with her.

when i am with you i don't feel like a series of failed lacerations
and i look at you and see pride

i feel safe laying beside you, spend the night.

her fingers up inside of me licked my ego like a flame,
my well-rehearsed ghost moans and arches
teach me that i am a piece of performance art.
the cracking open of a can, the lick of the lips,
liquor and *****: age-old remedies for **** near anything.
lingering hands post-******
are swiftly denied, refusing any feelings she may want to manifest.
i still can't look in my lovers' eyes
and my hands don't stop shaking until that liquid
that tastes like battery acid flows like honey down my throat.

People are nothing more than a blur of genitalia,
gasps,
groans,
grunts,
g-spots
to savor, then scrap.

The Catch is a rehearsed routine,
catcalls turned to cat scratches
and long blonde hairs stuck to his lapel;
his wife will make
****
sure
he'll repent.

Lip bites and ***** licks,
the high leaves long breaths
escaping quenched lips.

**** falling for you,
I'd rather
******* and leave
standing up straight

with//

I am told I was pure before.

"Are you afraid?"
He asked me.
I shook my head violently, in yearning.
"God."
There is no
fear.
My body is filled to the brim with
love.
I can't fathom feeling any
Pain, ache, hurt.
His eyes traveled my body and then-
He started.
My breathing slowed
down
He held my hands.

without// read from bottom line up

The predator invading my thighs
did not care for words
It burned me with smug smiles
and cold hands,
carpet covered in dog **** pressing
against my back.
Turning my sanctuary into my
prison,
my own flesh into fear,
made my body need healing.
It punctured me with your venom
but no one has ****** it out yet,
trust me,

I've made them try.

I'm scared I need you
because you don't need
me.

Maybe if I keep scratching at
my neck I can escape this skin.

My insides are fermenting,
nothing else seems to quench this thirst.

No longer do I call the people I ****
lovers.

It may be delicious to trip,
but this fall is
disgusting.