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 Jan 2013 Emerald Proctor
Nicole
I expected broken promises,
But you left a broken soul.
I hoped this time'd be different,
But it's the Same I've grown to know.

You spoke of crush,
Altered by a greater fall.
But it shouldn't make much difference;
Like is like, after all.

She burned your heart,
Ripped it out,
But I'm here to cool the flames.
She didn't care,
No ounce of love,
Just playing out her games.

The second choice,
Not too bad.
If only that was an option.
You're done with her,
And here I wait,
Still no interest I've gotten.

So tell me,
If you may,
What might it be,
That I could say
To hold your heart,
Within my hand?
Together in one part
It'd stand.

I'd do what I could
To prove
To you
Just how much I care.
I'll fight for you,
As long as you need,
And never leave your side.

So love me,
Or love me not.
Just know, your words
Are not forgot.

So if you make a promise,
To me this dead of night,
I'll wake in the morning,
With everything alright.
the candy cane sign  
is gray with frost  
its spiraled dance
stopped years before
the old man died    
he, the emperor of hair,
meant to get it repaired  
like all good intentions
and the clipped hair
that got swept away  
day by day,
hour by hour,
minute by
m o m  e n t o u s    
m o n o t o n o u s
minute  
the cutting,
the sweeping
punctuated by
the clang of the register
the hardy laugh at a racial joke  
the passing of a borrowed smoke  
and the buzzing silences
in between
when I would watch and wonder
what spell he was under  
in his royal white regalia  
chopping and chatting away
(at eyeless and earless heads I thought)  
until I would sit in his chair  
and escape the gulag of my life  
with his ponderous questions
about  
feather light skies  
heavyweight jabbing  
the “old lady gabbing”  
the engine
in my “shrimp nip” car  
and how very far
I would go
when I rose from his
leather and chrome throne  
and once again be on my own  
with hair a bit shorter
and life a bit neater  
for a minuscule dot in time  
I would not even remember
when I thought of his implacable place
in the cold past
I wish the strength I once possessed
Would come again to me
My body strong as when I was young
No more these maladys

I wish that I could hear once more
The things I used to hear
The chirping bird a crunching leaf
Once these were so clear

Once my  eyes could clearly read
Words upon a page
But now the words they only blur
The more as I age

I have so many aches and hurts
Within my bodies frame
But there was a time when I did not
O if I could be young again
If there was a place, I'd go
If it was a heart, I'd take it
I dream too much for wishing
A ceaseless wandering
And where should I stop
There is a rift, it is a cliff
I want to jump, I will
While I fall, I float
Landing blissfully in my dreams
Swept away
011213
I'm not the girl you think I am
Not really, anyway
There's a lot more to me than the girl in Dr. Seuss pajama bottoms, shrinking beneath the expectations you have set for me
I wish I knew what your expectations are
But it's hard to reach for a bar you can't see
It's hard to mold myself into something that you will accept and place on the mantle of a fireplace so that when strangers come over you can point to me and say that you are proud
I'm not sure if you want candlesticks or a picture frame or a book full of wonderful accomplishments
I could be all of those things, if you wanted
I'm not the girl you think I am
Not really, anyway
I'm stronger than my trembling bottom lip and the tears that break through the walls of my heart sometimes
I wish you weren't so logical and demanding of evidence you can hold in your hands
Because in my mind there's a gold mine of things I am trying to become
And none of them can be deposited in an ATM or withdrawn from a checking account
I'm sorry that I'm not real enough for you
And I'm sorry that you won't step into my mind for a second
So I can show you
The girl behind the numbers
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