These walls are made of hapless imaginings,
paper and ink.
a word is a word is a word
Context.
context

Folded, filed, arranged,
paper and ink.
not concrete not diamond
In each story we love we find ourselves.
yourself

Today you told me you were hopeless,
paper and ink, darling, paper and ink.

It’s like when you’re little
And you notice yourself breathing
And wonder if you’ve been breathing this whole time
Or if it only happens when you think about it
Well, I’ve been thinking much too hard for a long time
So hard that I didn’t notice
The world forming a routine around me
And my unconscious willingness to fall in line

The girl who shunned the lemmings
Followed the crowd all the same

I considered myself a product of anxiety
Not a victim
Not a survivor
But the result of
Someone who thrived on frenetic energy
As worries danced out a stuttering tachycardia

This is the life I was given
Though I prayed for days of calm
Prayed for the safety of routine and predictability
And the comfort they would hold
For I am afraid of nearly everything
So I have been wishing for days without fear
Bowed my head under the Heavens and cried in all the languages I have
Peace, paix, ειρηνη

It was in the pursuit of peace
That I blindly accepted all offers of security
Built myself up with grades and responsibilities and qualifications
With the assurance it would be worth it in the long run
Suddenly I saw the boredom I had asked for
And felt no relief
No comfort
Just the paralyzing fear that I’d settled for a life I did not want

My trembling limbs were made for anxiety
But I’ve been bingeing it
So the lack thereof is just
Empty
It would seem I am addicted to frenzy
Though I always want out
A pendulum between the extremes
Never resting on moderation
Never resting
Period

It is a construction crew in your skull
A total cacophony
Noise and dust and pounding
And all you want to do is close your eyes against the world
And sink into soft darkness
Yet your eyes are forced open
Light pouring in at every instant
Searing your retinas until there’s smoke pouring out of your ears
It is sickness
It is madness
It is thrashing for a surface that never gets any closer
It is falling towards a ground that never hits you
It is hurtling towards a supernova and hoping to burn up
Because the heat’s been on you for so long
That combustion would be sweet relief
You've been pounding your head on emptiness
And walked away with nothing but a headache
You've been searching through the rubble
To find the tiniest thing to make you smile
But dust will dull even the brightest shine
And you are too weary to wipe it off

The world is forgetting how to be gentle
Full of splintered, broken souls
Razor people with razor tongues
And steel through every nerve
They’ve scrawled hatred across the cities
Across the sea and sky and stars
Raised crass and careless Ignorance on a pedestal
And laid laurels on its head

Everyone is watching
Yet no one seems to mourn
Seeking solace in endless bottles
In capsules and gains and blood-debts
Somehow still surprised at the empty world
That cuts at every turn

Us soft-folk
We are bruising
But we are warm in this freezing world

Day after day I wake up with a smile on my face.
I perform the same morning routine, it will never change.
Brush my teeth, wash my face then put on the best make-up I know of.
The most natural one of them all, that hides all thats inside.

Day after day I greet my friends with a smile, give them a hug, then walk along by.
Day after day I pretend that I'm happy, I never ever cry cause that is too sappy.
I may look like I'm this confident, brave girl. I look like the happiest girl in the world.
Little do you know that I'm dying inside. The clock keeps on ticking, time's floating by.

I am losing sight of my purpose to live. I wish I could go back to being a kid.
When I didn't have these disturbing thoughts, though as a kid I was bullied a lot.
Name calling was a frequent occurrence for me. I'd hear it from my friends and my family.
My childhood wasn't great, but I did survive. If only I could go back in time.
Go back to the time when I was first bullied. I'd do something different so no one could hurt me.
If I changed the past it would change the future too, or at least I hope that is what it would do.
But that cannot happen, it's a wasted dream. I can never again but truly happy.

Day after day I act so happy. I never reveal my true feelings to anybody.
I make people smile, I make others laugh. I help others see their beauty when they need some help.
I shall do what I can while I'm still around. I don't want others walking around with frowns.
Day after day I help the ones I love, though I struggle to help myself.

There will be a time when I am no longer here. When I give up and just live in fear.
Fear of being loved, the fear of getting hurt. The fear of being treated like dirt.
When I can no longer fight these evil thoughts, the evil thoughts I think a lot.
When I can't hide my hurt behind a smile, when others can see I am dying inside.

Days are so long, I can barely survive. It's now a struggle to put on a smile.
I no longer have the same routine, I now just get out of bed and then leave.
I don't want to try, I'll be gone soon. No point of wasting time to look good for school.

Day after day I just get up and leave. I don't say good morning to anybody.
I can't put on a smile, I can't even laugh. I can't walk the halls without wanting to collapse.
I have lost the battle I've been fighting for years. My happiness has now turned into tears.
An endless river of tears flow from my eyes. I can't control them, they come all the time.
I have given up, I have lost the fight. I know that I am going down.

There is no more day after day, the battle was won.
I have completely given up, I've sunken, I've drowned.

no journey is ever easy
or effortless, and i wish i could
tell all these ladies at work
that they don't have to follow these
silly diet fads or weight loss plans
because i understand, miss, ma'am
i was there once, overweight and
so terribly unhappy
i'm only where i am now because
of the time and effort i put into it
spending money and time
on foods and activities
that help me better my body
and my mind
so please don't ask me what food you should eat
or what i did to look how i look
you need to learn it on your own
the want and desire needs to be yours
just please don't starve yourself
because that's not the way to do it