Ellyn k Thaiden

Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013

A little bird said
You hate it when I complain
So I've kept quite for days
And nothing's been the same

I keep a quite tongue
Silent and locked up tight
I try not to whine to you
But I am lonely and scared at night

Repressed memories
Have made themselves clear
I usually speak to you of my troubles
Now you don't want them near

I rock myself in my bed
Afraid of what's to come
My only wish to tell you now
But my body is too numb

I promise I will not complain
To you any more
But who will I talk to now
When death is knocking at my door

Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013

Ramblings of a Schizophrenic

I cry often these days
Silently singing to keep
Away the bad thoughts

In the shower and
In my bed
Walking home when no one sees

I cry often these days
And I think
I think about suicide

And how it could solve
All my problems
Down to the last bone

But I'm too much of
A coward
        No, that's makes you strong

No, can't you see?
I'm crumbling and drying up
        I think your life is just about
             To begin

I'm fighting my inner demons and I'm afraid of who is going to win.

Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013

This Time Around

You only wanted my happiness
When I was in despair
I didn't see your struggle
Through my own selfish haze
And I'm sorry

I should have uncovered my eyes
And seen you were there
Arms out and trying to hold me
That's all you wanted
Was to hold me

But I put up a fight
Saying things were all right
I nearly lost my voice
By saying I'm fine
When I was not

I'm still not fine
And I didn't realize the comfort
That you gave until I told you to go
Now I talk less
And cut more

My life a mess
And my heart aches
All I want now
Is your embrace

But I'm not going to get
What I want this time

Am I?

I'm sorry, Levi.

Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013

I'm Sorry, But I'm Not

He says he worries
And he whispers he cares
I tell I've bleed through my bandage
He says to stop there

I cannot stop
A flowing river
My will is weak
So I slice and shiver

His eyes meet mine
Guilt fills me up
And I tell myself I'm done
That's my last cut

But here we are again
In the same routine
With the same old razor
And the same ****** thing

Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013

Walls That Broke

I have a problem
With keeping secrets
I never let one go
I know how to keep it

I hold on tight
Placing my blocks with care
Around my little secrets
I challenge people and dare

Dare them to climb over
The walls I've made
Around my secrets
In the walls I used to wade

But now I'm neck deep
In my walls
That's when you broke through
Like a wrecking ball

The dam broke
The secrets pour
You know almost every one
Except for one left on the floor

Leave that one there
Let it lie in mystery
My one last secret
And wonder what it could be

Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013

Keep Moving Forward

A wise man once said
"Keep moving forward"
So that's what I'll do

I will look back
From time to time
My past made me

But I won't worry
About things
I can't change

Ellyn k Thaiden Sep 2013

Hipster

"You're such a Hipster
You with your poetry
And indie music
And clothing so different"

I use to hate it
When you called me
A hipster
But now I can admit it

I wish you were here
To call me a hipster

Just one more time