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Sep 2014 · 364
Oh the fights
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
A kiss seems so innocent but why try with me?
It won’t be a life long thing
We’ll just turn into a fling
One another turning into something we promised to never be
The tears we once stopped are now ones we start
Oh the cute names
They turn hateful
Leaving mental bruises
The cuddle fights we used to have turn into fist fights
Leaving each other ****** and bruised
Love isn’t what we leave now
A horrible thing now left
Sep 2014 · 247
Hearts
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
Love         Love
LoveLove    LoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
L­oveLoveLoveLoveLoveLov
eLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLo
v­eLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLo
veLove
You
Sep 2014 · 236
School Girls Crush
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
I do not know if I love you
Or merely the idea of you
Would it be hypocritical for a girl who does not believe in love
to say this?
I don’t want you to think that this is a promise,
Because I don’t want to break that
I don’t want to rip your heart out
Or for you to stop the shallow beats of mine
When I am around you my knees can’t stop shaking
My hands are searching for something to hold
My heart condition worsens as I see you
The pounding in my chest is nothing to laugh at oh dear it pains me
All I want is to be near you
But do I love you?
Is love even real
Or is this some messed up infatuation that hurts me
Sep 2014 · 214
I just want you
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
I have a headache
I can’t get out of this pain
You can’t get out of my head

I have a headache
I can’t shake you
I dont know if I want to shake you off

I have a heartache
For once its not my extra heart valves
It’s you, and the infatuation I have of you

I have a heartache
I see you but it seems like you see through me
I touch you but you don’t get the chills I do

My hands are searching
They desire to hold your hands
I need to pull you close to me and feel your warmth

My hands are searching
The want to run through your hair
I need to hold myself by you

My lips are waiting
Pulling me towards you
Waiting for you to grace me

My lips are waiting
Wanting you to nuzzle into my neck
Waiting to press into you
Sep 2014 · 736
I am not
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
I am not writing to you about  how my love for you burns deep like a river
Or how I lay awake at night unable to shake the dream of us staring at the stars
Whispering our untold love expressed as wishes
And taking form of the dizzy lights in our eyes
Pushing
Pushing
Pushing
Till the words
"I love you" finally slip out
I am not writing to you about how I can only see you with hearts surrounding your ever glorified presence
And I couldn't be writing about The way my knees start shaking
My heart starts racing
And my hands can't be still when I'm around you
Unless
Maybe you feel this way too?
Sep 2014 · 244
Dreams
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
Last night I sat with you in a dimly lit room
As we talk i went from a school girls crush to love
Sitting in this room
Our chairs come close together
This light slowly brightens
And I finally feel this real true love
For once it is your hand that reaches out
As I take it you pull me close in a warm embrace
So comforting
You tell me secrets
You tell me your flaws
You pour out your heart
And slowly I do the same
Putting my heart on the line as you softly mutter
"I think I'm in love with you"
I  spill out these words back to you
And just as it all fall perfectly into place
I am ripped from you to the other side of the room
You fall hard to the floor unmoving
I try to run to you yet I cannot
As the worst of my panic sets in
An alarm goes off
And I am awake
I look to the clock to see its only four in the morning
And all I want to do is see if your okay
But I don't dare
Instead I take my bottle from under my bed
And drown my emotions in this numbing poision
Sep 2014 · 225
I dont know why
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
I don't know why these tears are coming down
I don't know why I feel like I'm about to drown

My heart is doing extra beats and it's going to concave

I'm using all of my self control to not run out of this room and never stop running

And all this sounds utterly cliché
But thats all I am print and bound

I am a cliché drowning in my ocean of tears

Who knows how in the hell this started, but it did and now all I can think
Is run
It's a work in process, tips?
Sep 2014 · 158
My breath
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
My breath is leaving my body, leaving an empty space for the hurt to occupy
This hurt
This pain
Oh my god I have so much pain
There is so much I'm breathing it in
There is so much its over coming my body, and the smoke I use to mask it isn't thick enough any more
It's fading away like me
And maybe you'll be able to see
I love you
Sep 2014 · 238
Poisons
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
In this pencil, crouch words that have never been spoken
As I lay the lead to this paper all the shame of me wanting you to like me slowly comes out, letting me write about how I have this terrible love that I hate, and it’s all for you.
I have let harm be my drug, picking my poison from yellow little bottles to numb my self of this pain
pain
pain is what I get when I see you but ******* see through me
these words are flowing out of me, this shaming is surfacing and all I wanna do is scratch it off, scratch away the feeling of this love this hate this shame this agony of loving the one who will never love me back or hear how much i love her
She won’t know about the nights I laid awake wishing for her
But then I think about the night I kissed you, I see now how wrong I was, I loved you so much I could bear being so close you so far, and words would have never been able to begin explaining how much I loved you
I had seen your eyes gleam and I had hoped it was a gleam of hope but looking back I can see your eyes we’re filled with disgust
I had loved you, and I still have a yearning in my heart to walk you to class
Kiss you in the halls so everyone knows your mine and I’m yours
I want to be overwhelmingly cliché and scream my love for you from the rooftops
But this shame is bubbling up reminding my that my head is in the clouds and I need to get my feet on the ground
This love is coming up to my mouth and I need to find a way to clamp it
shut so I won’t speak words you’ll never accept
But these are just  words in a pencil, and they float
These are just words
Hiding in a pencil
But they will be spoken
Sep 2014 · 213
Honesty
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
I just wanted to be your last
I just wanted to be your one and only
I just wanted to explore your mind

Your a locked wreck but I swear to god I have the key
Your a closed door but I know I can open it
Your a map but I can find that god ****** "x"

I just want to  be the last thing on your mind when you go to bed, and the first thing you think of when you wake up

I want all of your fears, all your weird little quirks
I want to be the key that opens you, and I swear to god  I know I am, but maybe I'm not

I just want to be your one and only
No I don't see us being forever, but I feel myself falling and I don't know how to stop it before it's all I am

I want you to want me
I want you
I don't even want you as much physically as mentally
I just want to know every bit of your mind
And if thats a crime, throw me in a jail

I just wanted to be your last.
Sep 2014 · 532
Infatuation
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
Is it weird that I know almost nothing about you but I have this deep feeling for you, and I don’t want to call it love because if I do I’m just exaggerating this infatuation. Maybe I could love you, if you let me in, I would open the door to my heart just a crack so you could get a peek. I would let my hands crawl on your shoulders and listen to your stories, feeling myself intertwine into you. But these are just the words a silly little girl is writing for you. This truly is the sophomore slump sitting awake at three in the morning thinking of a boy who’s words had so little meaning. But they made me think maybe you wanted to call me yours only to realize that would never happen. Infatuation can make us do stupid things. Stupid things like pour your heart out over and over, just to get graced by your rejection. Infatuation hurts your heart, and raises this person on a pedestal so high it touches the sun, only to make them look even more desired because they are so far away from what you can have. I’m tired of being the *** end of this cat and mouse game where I keep chasing you only to fine out you were just using a toy, making me such a tool for letting this infatuation make me think your so perfect when you must have your flaws but I lay awake and try to think of one and I can’t muster anything more than he doesn’t like me back. But you say for now friends. I have heard that before so many times. I’d rather have my heart ripped from my chest and feed to the wolfs instead of you playing with my mind, having me cut out my heart and hand it to you myself. I know nothing about you (insert name here) but I am so infatuated that I’m laying awake at three in the morning letting this fire dance over my skin, feeling his pain and knowing this isn’t just a nightmare, but reality. A scary reality filled with my silly little words.
Sep 2014 · 243
Coffee Rings
Ellie Shelley Sep 2014
I feel like the coffee ring on your paper
The water spill on your essay
The wine stain on your counter
The things that you wish were gone
But stain
I feel like I stain you
Bringing you down
Your hands try to proclaim your love
You face tries to express it
But I can’t feel it
I feel the hatred I feel like I deserve
The cold of being alone in my mind
I feel like the coffee ring on your paper
So tell me, am I?

— The End —